In 5 days we'll know if we are able to adopt a little girl

[lettinggo]

I won't go thorugh all the process that's brought us this far, but we're 6 1/2 years in the process.

In 5 days time, on June 30th, we're going to find out if we will be able to adopt a little girl from Russia. She must be made available for domestic adoption until June 30th and after that will be able to be adopted internationally. She has some minor health issues, as far as we know nothing hugely serious, but apparantly Russians don't like to adopt children with health issues. She's been adoptable since she was 2 months old.

For the past month we've known about her and have been told that if she doesn't get adopted domestically, we will be allowed to adopt her. In my heart I know we should be hoping she gets to be adopted domestically because that would obviously be what is best for her but it's hard not to hope that it doesn't happen. I'm just not that good.

And now there's only 5 days to go and she's still there. I'm not at all religious, I certainly don't pray. But I remember years ago doing a novena (type of prayer service you do for 9 days where you pray for a specific thing) to St Francis Xavier and the words are rattling around in my head

"but if what I ask is not for the glory of God and the good of my soul,
I pray and desire that which is most conducive to both"

Might not make sense to anyone not Catholic but it's a comfort at the moment.
Sorry for the ramble. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Thursday at 1pm (close of business in that part of Russia).

she may be on kefir rather than milk - askif you can take a bottle with you for her and check if they are using sweetened or unsweetened. Also I asked for DS's name frm his locker - its just a piece of paper but they gave it to me when I asked.

AT LAST!!

My tummy is in knots for you - really hope all goes well. (Some fantastic advice there from Kristina, by the way.)

Do give us an update when you can, won't you? All the very best to you, your dh, ds and now your dd! [smug emoticon because I know her name ]

Thanks for all the good wishes. We're packed and ready to go and I'm about to open a bottle of wine to chill out a bit.

Our little girl is 14 months old today and I wonder does her BM count out the months like we do. I hope so.

Kristina, thanks for the advice, it's appreciated.
When we were there in October for her birthday, we were allowed photograph and video all her little baby friends and we really felt we got to know each of their personalities over the 4 days we spent with them. I hope and presume this will be important to her later on. It's such a shame I can't speak Russian because the baby home was so open, I'm sure I would have found out more information. I have a new list of questions for the director when we meet her on Wednesday.Apart from what we find out in court on Thursday, I reckon this will be our last chance to ask questions. I feel they are being very open and will answer any questions we have. Do you have any suggestions? We got answers to most of our questions last time but I'd welcome any suggestions you might have. We have all her carers on video but we don't have their names so we'll do that. There was one carer she was mad about so I'd love to be able to talk with her. I hope she's working on Wednesday because out interpreter will be with us when we visit us. Great idea about the bedding, will try to pick up bedding in the city before I go back to her village after court.

Re our time scale, we'll be fine. Court is on Thursday and I don't think they'll waive the 10 day wait (actually 11 days in our region) as they never do. We'll ask anyway. To be honest, I don't really mind because I'm going to have that time to spend with her, getting to know her and hopefully gaining a little bit of her trust and spending time with her little pals. Last time, I was allowed to feed her two meals a day and change her nappy, although not as often as I'd have liked. This will be a chance for me to get to know her routine, what she's eating and drinking. I agree with your suggestion about keeping her on bottles or putting her back on bottles if they've weaned her. I've been reading a very user-friendly book about adopting toddlers (The Weaver's Craft) and there are some practical suggestions in it.

The Irish Embassy are expecting us too, they're so accommodating to families adopting - they opened on a Sunday for friends of ours.The only thing that could delay us getting home (apart from the judge) would be weather and to be honest, as long as my dh and ds get to Russia and we're all together it doesn't matter.

Off to open the bottle of wine now. We'll have internet access from Friday so I'll come back with all the news. If anyone thinks of things I should be asking in the baby home, please make suggestions.

HURRAH!

How wonderful and what great advice.

I wish you a wonderful trip and that it goes smoothly and you are home with your DD soon.

kew what is kefir?

kefir is a kind of fermented yoghurt drink, they feed babies on it from a very early age in the baby houses and is common across the old soviet states. Its considered to be good for digestion probably because it has less lactose than milk.

I fed DS kefir for a week then started mixing with formula 25% formula at first and increasingly until he was on pure formula.

Interesting.

is it good for them?

My MIL and SIL feed their (many, many) babies on Carnation milk and kept telling me I should do the same.

MIL was from Guyana. I was really but I gathered it was common practice so tried to politely swerve the subject.

well DS seemed to do pretty well on it! Though I gather because it s fermented that is has about 1% alcohol content so maybe he wasn't a happy baby just a pissed one!

Wha hey! My Gran used to give us a nip of brandy

It had not crossed my mind that other countries would have different baby 'formula' (that isnt formula). How dim of me.

Very interesting.

I read a really interesting piece once about how the infant mortality rate was really high in parts of Scandinavia for centuries because any family with any wealth would feed babies exclusively on butter and cream. Trying to give them the best, obviously. Though in fact pushing through them stuff that their little guts couldn't cope with.

I imagine kefir as milk mixed with gripe water (the old alcoholic kind)

WOW!! Only just discovered this thread and have made myself late for work by skimming through. We adopted from Russia 11 years ago now. Will come back and read through properly later.

Will be thinking of you. The Russians we met were all lovely and so very supportive of what we were doing.

And good on the irish embassy for being so helpful

Please take note, britsh embassy in moscow

OP you sound lovely.
Good luck with everything. Looking forward to your updates.

Kristina - take British Embassies everywhere. This time five years ago I was stuck in Kaz whilst my irish friends got on a plane and went home - about 2 weeks before me!

A family i know got information about the birth mother from speakimg to the person from the ministry of education ( who was a bit like the social worker).she managed to get photos of birth mum as well. They also went to see the street where birth mother had lived ( last known address) , the local school and maternity hospital where child was born. To take photos obviously, not to speak to anyone!

You may have to do this aftre court. They are worried to tell you anything beofre in case you chnge your mind if you find out anything " bad".

Another family i know was told that Bm had learning difficulties, but when they enquired further they found that she was at mainstream scholl until 16 and also had written the relinquishmnet document herself so quite unlikely to be correct

You are more likely to find out information in a small town or village. The russian assume tnat you dont want to knwo background infornation, its a bit like adoptions here in the 1950s. Also many adopters are ffro the Us and they have less interets in background that we do IYSWIM

So so so so so exciting!!!!!

Agree with Kristina's post. We managed to bring a load of paperwork describing DD4's background, parents etc back with us. It was her whole file. We later found out that there was no way we should have had it, but once here we managed to get it translated and it will really help when/if we want to trace her parents later on. Keep anything you can!!
Yea, the Russian philosophy on adoption is that its a new start and the "old life" should be forgotten. We were even asked if we wanted it put on her official birth certificate that she was born in England. Also we were asked if I wanted to be her official birth mother "to avoid complications!" We declined both, but they didnt understand why!

I hope everything goes well for you. We were also told that there was no way they would waive the 10 day wait, but they did for us!! Worth asking!!

I am really excited for you after doing this ourselves! Enjoy your time in Russia!!

Oh, also, we were told that they really exaggerate the medical conditions on the orphanage reports. DD4 did have very visible disability, but she was also said to have other things wrong with her, that were just the result of being in the orphanage all her life. SHe was an awful lot better than her report made her out to be and now she is doing very well and just like any other 14 year old, apart from her physical disability, which she copes with brilliantly!

I really didnt realise there were other MNers who had adopted from abroad. Big to you all!

I have just read the whole thread and am so excited for you and your family, will be lurking for news over the next few days. Wishing you a safe journey and hoping everything goes perfectly for you all x

She remembered us
When we went into her room today at the baby home, she had a moment of "don't I know you" puzzlement and then had a big smile. O my heart just burst out of my ribcage. And her lovely carers had her dressed in her birthday dress that I brought over and this time it fits her so she's grown. She's walking falteringly and thinks she's the cleverest girl in the world when she does it. She walks into your arms and falls in for a hug which I presume means she's used to getting hugs which fills my heart with gladness (as Paul Simon put it). Her hair has grown and she has a little curl in the bottom of it. I was so afraid that she would have been moved into the next room now that she's walking but the doctor said they kept her there on purpose because they knew she'd be moving soon and didn't want to unsettle her. I wanted to hug her.

As you may have gathered, I'm on a total high. The doctor answered all our questions, it made me wish I could think of more. I asked our translator/facilitator if she thought the doctor would give us the information that's in her file. I don't know what she got but we left the baby home with a stack of paperwork from the doctor which she says she'll translate for us. I can't believe our luck.

Court tomorrow and I have to give the speech cos dh is sick. I hope I can get through it without bawling my eyes out. The first thing I did when I saw her today was burst out crying. Will come back tomorrow, please keep all fingers and toes crossed for tomorrow. XXX (I don't care if mumsnet is too cool for hugs, I want to hug the world right now!!!!)

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGSBACK))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

how utterly brilliant.

Everything crossed for tomorrow x

Oh that's so fab that she remembered you :) xxx

I'm a melting pot of gooeyness reading that!!! She sounds absolutely adorable

Lovely, lovely Dr too!

Fab fab fab news about the paperwork!! If by any chance they ask for it back - I'd lie & tell them you have already posted it back to the UK!!

Could you ask for the Dr's contact details

What a special time, my DS's best friend is adopted from Russia and is the sweetest little boy ever. What a fab time of year to have good news! I would be singing from the roof tops!
((((hugs))))))

I hope DH feels better and that all goes well!

awwh just seeen this post so happy for you .wat did you call her?

That's lovely!! ((hugs)) I will be thinking of you tomorrow. The court hearing isn't scary. When we went our Judge was a lady who looked like mrs trunchbull off Matilda. I was scared silly!! Our translator was brilliant and when we didn't answer a question as he thought we should he said to us "I am going to say..... is that ok?" After it had all gone through the judge came and hugged us and said that she ahd adopted from an orphanage, too and wished us all the best! Mrs Trunchbull turned out to be a lovely mumsy-type!!
Are you keeping a diary of these days? It would be good to, so that DD will have a very special book to read when she is older.

WOuld love to know her name, too. DD4 has a Russian name, obviously. Twould be funny if it is the same! (Russians seem to lack imagination when it comes to names there are very few to choose from!)