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Original poster

...if you had guests for dinner with one particuarly picky child?

55 replies

MerryXmasMrsHenry · 16/12/2009 17:37

It's a difficult issue which I'm considering at the moment as DS is reaching the age where his friends will come round to eat with their parents.

Some of our friends' children will eat whatever you put in front of them. Cooking for them is a delight. DS is the same.

My house rules are: (1) we always try food once (usually he ends up going 'mmm! can I have more?') (2) I cook one meal at a time and anyone who doesn't like it will have to lump it.

It works for us because DS eats everything; it also worked for me and most of my friends when we were kids. So what about DS's pickier friends? I do not see why I should serve 'plain food' for everyone just because one child will eat nothing but - why should one child dictate what everyone else eats? I certainly will not cook two different meals so that the picky child can have their plain food and the rest of us have a slap-up meal - and I've sometimes found that even when I cook what I'm told the child likes, they don't want to eat it - possibly because I cook it in a different way from their parents .

At the same time I want to be hospitable to everyone - and to not have children left hungry!

So what's a woman to do? Am I the only one with this dilemma?

By the way I am not talking about vegetarianism/ veganism here, as that's not what I call 'picky eating'.

OP posts:
WillieWalsh · 16/12/2009 19:11

yes bread
ds1 has bread
depends who it is
nothign wors ethen the hostess goign ON AND ON about i and doing all head tilty " wont he really" secretly thinking oyu are shit.

it get right up me nose

frogetyfrog · 16/12/2009 19:13

Although I have a really 'picky eater' I agree with those posters who say it shouldnt be an issue. One meal missed is not going to hurt, especially if they have something like fruit or bread. I hate people flapping around my dd, stressing about what to feed her. Her nutrition is my problem, and is assessed over a week, not one day. We do meals, she eats or she doesnt. If she doesnt the next meal is prepared to make sure it includes something she will eat without her even being aware of the 'control' over her diet.

Acanthus · 16/12/2009 19:15

That's what I'd do too (and what I generally do at home as DS2 has a limited range of food that he likes compared to Ds1 who will eat anything except eggs). Cook whatever you want to cook and serve fresh bread and plain boiled vegetables as well. If that's all the fussy one will eat, fine, they are still seeing everyone else eat, still sitting at the table socialising and not under any pressure.

I'm talking about kids with "plain food palates" not ones with phobias - but that's what I think you meant, OP.

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Families
WillieWalsh · 16/12/2009 19:19

no green stuff on things

hester · 16/12/2009 19:26

I have a picky eater. We went round for lunch with friends recently (all adults) and she kicked up about the meal offered. I said fine, could she just have a slice of bread, please?

(Childless!) hostess didn't turn a hair; just opened the cupboard door, pulled out a packet of crisps, handed them to dd and said, "There you go then"

Result: EVERYONE relaxed and happy. Far better than fussing about giving her a nutritionally balanced meal (as others have said, that's my problem, and I have the whole week to balance it out).

WillieWalsh · 16/12/2009 19:31

iw as going to say have plain crisps in reserve

i loev a hostess who doesnt fuss and JUDGE

choufleur · 16/12/2009 19:31

DS is fussy but getting better. I agree that you shouldn't have to cook different meals but at least go for something that is not too spicy etc.

moondog · 16/12/2009 19:34

I make a point of serving up particularly obscure and/or piquant fayre if I know a 'fussy eater' is crossing my threshold.

merrycompo · 16/12/2009 19:45

I thnk as a host it is polite to have things that you know kids will eat on standby like bread and butter
or if your serving spag bol get in tons of garlic bread cos kids love it

WillieWalsh · 16/12/2009 20:28

all in all dont let it ( not htat you would) divert you

Original poster
MerryXmasMrsHenry · 16/12/2009 22:06

I have to say I've never worried about some other kid's nutritional balance. Whenever I've had a child round who won't eat anything we have (we are fairly 'healthy' verging on lentilly eaters with homemade bread, etc), I've been more concerned that they'll get grumpy with hunger or even faint! 'Spose there's always rice cakes...

I think wondering has the best suggestion, so thanks for your contributions, folks!

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 16/12/2009 22:06

As a child I was the one who would be vomiting (as a pp descibed her child doing) - both from the smell of food (and taste if I was made to eat it) and the stress of the situation.

I would have much rather just not eaten (and still would, although my palate has widened a tad). I know this can be an issue, I try to make it as small an issue as possible but other people still get wound up by it.

I remember going to with a friend to see their nan when I was 14 and being given a cup of tea. I tried and tried and tried to drink that tea, I really did (not being pressure at all, just aware that her nan had gone to the effort of making it). I think I managed about a cm - and only just didn't vomit, I really did gag my way through that cm.

kinnies · 17/12/2009 11:53

My Dc are not 'picky eaters' -I am lucky.
Does not mean that I am a better parent than those who have 'picky' children.
I would talk to the childs mum about mueu and see what can be done causing the least fuss.
Making a big deal about it would be mean on the child and their parents as well as setting a bad example to your Dc ( who could well decide to play at being picky)
I think most fussy eaters dont do it to piss others off.we cant understand because it seems silly to us.
Just like my divey mate who is scared of moths!! Mental

FolornHope · 17/12/2009 11:54

God i love oyu

Original poster
MerryXmasMrsHenry · 18/12/2009 21:05

A couple of posters have assumed that I'm judging parents of picky eaters. Well you're wrong. But I am now judging you.

OP posts:
ln1981 · 19/12/2009 11:18

I am also in agreement with several of the posters on here. My dd can be a bit picky at times but it just depends on her mood and the more she is forced and cajoled the less likely she is to eat. She recently went to her friends house and stunned us all by eating loads! We thought she would eat nothing.
And your rules sound good-who knows the child coming to visit might try something that they have never had before and actually LIKE it!

Goblinchild · 19/12/2009 12:33

My Aspie is a very selective eater, so I feed him before he goes anywhere and remind him that he can eat again when he gets home.
So he can nibble and choose when he's at someone's house if he's given the chance. He has coped with numerous scout camps because that sort of basic, unspiced and uncoimplicated food is what he likes.
I also don't put him into situations with people who aren't able or prepared to cope with him, not fair on either account.

RainRainGoAway · 19/12/2009 12:39

Have DD who will eat anything (fave food is bean salad with cous cous?)

Have DS who is a pain in the arse eater. He has never eaten a single piece of fresh fruit in 2 years.

I agree with the poster who said make what you are making and not something to please the fussy child as it puts extra pressure if they then don't. Keep plain crackers, fruit and perhaps yoghurt on hand so they can pick if they want.

RainRainGoAway · 19/12/2009 12:41

But, personally, I would dispense with the friend having to try something once. If they say 'yuk' just put the plate to one side and produce the uncomplicated alternative.

pagwatch · 19/12/2009 12:44

ditto Goblin
When we take out DS2 he has so very few foods he can eat becuaes of his combo of ASD and intolerances. So he sits with us and eats anything he can knowing that he can eat later if need be. I usually have a packed lunch for him in the car. If the host is fretting I can get it. If not he can have it on the way home - depends on the scenario and which makes host feel more relaxed.
But actually social eating helps him expand his choices sometimes - if he is just left alone.
He actually ate chips for the first time ever because they were put in front of him in a location he wasn't used to. The change in enviroment helped him consider a food he had refused for 10 years !

FabioTwitterCat · 19/12/2009 12:47

lol moondog

JJ · 19/12/2009 12:48

Oh, I didn't think you were judging! I said that because it's happened before to me, not because I thought you'd offer unsolicited advice. You sound like a lovely hostess.

hatwoman · 19/12/2009 13:08

how empathetic of you moondog. I too was a fussy eater as a child. I didn;t do it deliberately. I didn;t do it for fun. I did it because there were some foods that made me gag. and because there were others that, whilst not making me gag, were as pleasant to me as I would now find eating rabbit poo. I had no control over this. persuasion, hectoring, pressure - of any sort - made it worse. perhaps not every "fussy eater" is like this but some are. (I grew out of it and will now eat pretty much anything)

ImSoNotTelling · 19/12/2009 13:24

My brother was a very picky eater - I think having bread and cheese on standby is an excellent idea. Most people will eat plain bread.

pagwatch · 19/12/2009 13:57

hatwoman
I think moondog is probably referring to 'picky' as in bloody annoying fussy preference type kids - not people like you ( and actually DS2).
I wouldn't take it so seriously.

DS2 can vomit at will if people are intolerant of him . I wish I could do that sometimes.

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