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Original poster

and what do you do, if every time you opened the backdoor. all you could hear was screaming neighbours kids...

54 replies

ipiratethief · 19/07/2009 21:23

cos I am going mad.

Quick scenario, of a regular day

open back door, let cats in, next door's middle girl of about 9, is hysterical and shouting and shouting, and basically stropping for england.

mum is justnt able to get thru to her, and ends up giving in to her. Sometimes, I think 'good for you mother, you aren't giving into her', but then her dd keeps on and on, screaming for like 10 mins, and mum gives into her'

I like them mum, but they are always struggling to cope it seems. Yet my dd who is 6 , well since we have lived here (2 yrs) it's all she hears when she goes in the garden!! I swear tho, one look from me over the fence(very low) seems to stop the little luv in her tracks. She's just crying out for attention form her mum, but to give her mum her due, I can't fathom, what the little girl is wanting from her. There is an older girl too, and a new baby, but this behaviour has been going on for much longer than the baby arriving.

Sometimes I feel like saying, 'I appreciate that .... might be going thru a stage, but it's really affecting my d, and it's depressing'

god, i dunno, i just needed to get it down.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 19/07/2009 22:08

Yes, but who says the child has sn?

I cannot for the life of me think why a friendly adult, known to the little girl, should not stop for a chat and see if there is anything she can do to help in her obvious distress. I disagree with you there 3cutedarlings.

sleepycat · 19/07/2009 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3cutedarlings · 19/07/2009 22:14

it was just a wild guess MMinty the OP could have been talking about my DD who does have SNs. From what the OP has writen it certainly sounds like somethings going on weather it be SNs or some sort of emotional problems.

I think again the reason why i wouldnt want just anyone asking my DD why she gets so angry is as its caused by her SNs therefore its best dealt with by as fewer people as possible IYSWIM.

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Original poster
ipiratethief · 19/07/2009 22:18

If the girl doesn't get her way, she just goes ballistic, you can hear the screaming and shouting and swearing if they are in the house, and their window and mine is open.
Mum def can't cope with her, girl can't relate to mum who can't cope iyswim.

The dad comes and goes, he doesn't live there, but is around alot. You just hear stuff from him like 'i wasn't talking to you, just about you' I do feel sorry for them all round, but it's also affecting mine and dd's life.

Maybe something will blow, pass, change. hope so.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 21/07/2009 08:37

I couldn't just live with this ipirate. Have you had any thoughts on how to approach it?

mumblechum · 21/07/2009 08:43

Sounds awful. Why doesn't the mother bring the child into the house when she's screaming and shouting?

3cutedarlings · 21/07/2009 08:54

have the schools broke up in yor area yet ipirate? you may find that once this little girl has had a few weeks out od school she will calm down.

mumblechum maybe because its the little girls home too , sound kids do scream and shout alot!! and not all of us give a toss what the neighbours think.

ZZZenAgain · 21/07/2009 09:06

dc don't always scream and shout a lot. A couple of dc running around playing might get noisy but it is not common for one dc to stand in a garden screaming for hours on end, as the OP describes. Her little 6-year old should not have to be exposed to constant swearing and, as she said, bitchy behaviour from a neighbour's older child, so that she is not comfortable going into her garden at all. I find it unreasonable to expect her to accept this as something her dd just has to put up with.

I realise you have a dc with sn and you are imagining being in this neighbour's shoes, so it's difficult for you to read this.

However I do think OP's dd should not have to be exposed to this all the time. I don't khow the solution, as obviously the dm is not able to cope; but I would not put up with this situation for my dd. There's absolutely no way I would. It may not be possible for OP to move and so therefore something else has to happen. I don't know what though. I would try to get some good advice from someone who might know though. I hope the situation can be turned around and improved.

3cutedarlings · 21/07/2009 09:46

sorry ZZZenAgain, my last post should have read "some kids do scream and shout alot" . (btw the OP said 10 mins at a time not hours)

FWIW i totally agree with what you say, yes i do really feel for the OP, however i feel the only way forwards is for her to have a chat with the Mum, maybe try and offer some form of support as a friend, thats if you feel you can as you already have a lots on by the sounds of ipirate.

Flamesparrow · 21/07/2009 09:51

You could be next door to me (different ages though).

DD regularly has screaming hissy fits (inside or out, but tis a terrace so I don't think it really makes a difference!).

Sometimes I cope. Sometimes I ignore. Sometimes I lose it back.

My house is a state. I know that and hate it but have never quite managed to fix it

DS ignores everything I tell him.

Believe me - the mum feels ashamed and guilty. It isn't fair on you. But it isn't fair on her either. This isn't how she thought motherhood would be, and it certainly isn't how her children were going to behave.

sarah293 · 21/07/2009 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 21/07/2009 09:57

if they are living in filth and the kid is being emotionally neglected phone social services.

mumblechum · 21/07/2009 10:06

Not sure I'd actually call social services, she's bound to realise it's you and would be less willing to engage with you.

I do however still think that she ought to be bringing her inside the house if her shouting and screaming as described is more than just the occasional hissy fit that most children will throw.

I think if this were me I'd try to befriend her but make it pretty clear that her daughter's behaviour is having an impact on your peace and quiet, in the hope that she'll at least attempt to get her to behave a bit better.

cheesesarnie · 21/07/2009 10:14

do you live next door to me??

my ds1 sounds like the little girl.hes seing people at the moment about possible behavioural disorders and at times its bloody hard to cope with-does that make me a bad mum?

he can have a melt down over the smallest of things-a cup being moved for example.

have you tried befriending the neighbour?or do you just sit on your high horse being smug

Flamesparrow · 21/07/2009 10:16

Oh, the looking over the fence stopping her btw. Mine will stop for strangers. It is generally a sign of high regard if she is prepared to carry on like it around you.

ZZZenAgain · 21/07/2009 10:21

just reread the OP 3cuted's and I see you are right, sorry I read it yesterday and thought it was going on for ages at a time. Still unpleasant enough as it is I think

ZZZenAgain · 21/07/2009 10:22

I think she has cheesesarnie, have to go out, no time to reread the thread but didn't she say she got on ok with the mum generally?

Original poster
ipiratethief · 21/07/2009 11:38

i do get on with her. We take in each other's post, we chat over the fence, I ask how she is, she asks how I am. I am not a 'judgemental person' but have made observations and therefore come to conclusions about how this affecting me and dd, how it's affecting the mum, and the kids next door.

I truly don't feel that I am being smug or anything, far form it, I am pretty distressed by it and how it affects my life. They haven't recently moved here, we have been here the same amount of time, 2 years as i said in my op.

My posting is in WWYD, as in how can I make this better. I wrote
'Sometimes I feel like saying, 'I appreciate that .... might be going thru a stage, but it's really affecting my d, and it's depressing'

god, i dunno, i just needed to get it down'.

I've kept quiet for 2 yrs, but it's wearing me down.

OP posts:
Original poster
ipiratethief · 21/07/2009 11:41

re the filth thing,

They have family round all the time, I would not feel like it was my business to offer and embarrass her or me, I don't want to hurt her feelings about that. It was an observation, and part of me trying to paint a scene of the bigger picture.

OP posts:
Original poster
ipiratethief · 21/07/2009 11:43

mumblechum, I think I will, at the right moment ask her about the unhappy kid. I am just nervous.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 21/07/2009 11:58

I don't think you're being judgey or smug btw ipirate.

Her daughter sounds like an utter nightmare, whatever the reason may be.

sassy · 21/07/2009 12:00

Not read thread.

Just want to say I would be thrilled if I could hear neighbour's kidst the mo -cos it would mean they were outside and thus the PISSING down rain had stopped at last!

(Will read it now)

sassy · 21/07/2009 12:07

Ok, read it now.

Hmmm. A tough one. I agree with other posters about SEN - though I have a totally NT 6yo who can be a nightmare as far as screaming/stropping goes.

cheesesarnie · 21/07/2009 12:25

if your friendly how about inviting her in for a cup of tea and just saying 'i heard yourdd in the garden a few times,is she ok'.
if someone said that to me the flood gates would probably open but id be so relieved to talk about it.cant do any harm surely?

Original poster
ipiratethief · 21/07/2009 12:47

yep, will def say something. I agree about the rain btw!!

The converstaions the dd has with her mum seem to go like, (mum) 'just shut up will you, you never f ing stop'

dd' i haaaaaaaaaaaaaate you, i wanna do this /go there/go out to play down the road' then she'll just scream, cry and scream.
Like i said before, mum will stand her ground, for ages, but always gives in. I guess thats why dd carries on for as long as it takes, cos she knows mum does give in. Yet then it seems that she now does this for everything, every time she doesn't get her way, no matter how small. I guess it's escalated. When she's in the garden, it's when she is playing, that type of thing. with my dd it's things like 'I hate you' if dd doesn't do what she wants, and she stands on a chair overlooking our bit staring at dd with an evil look which can go on for a long time!! It has been known that if i go out on the pretence of my presence intervening the atmosphere, she does the evils at me too.!

OP posts:
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