Imagine this is your relationship.
He is Drunk after a night out. Lost the company car keys. He is very angry and i am sober, he explodes at me for not looking for them, when many years of knowing this kind of behaviour tells me that what ever i do at this moment in time will end in arguments. He is so angry,very angry and i was scared. i decided to remove myself from the situation and i went into the attic, which is accessed by rickety ladders that i didn't think he would attempt.
i hear things being thrown around downstairs. and my son ( the attic is his room) kindly offers to make up the spare bed for the night.
He then starts to call my name in a rather menacing manner, it's 10 minutes later and it has just occured to him that i am not there. He comes up to the attic, spitting with venom calling me horrid names "Fucking lazy bitch, Fucking whore" he is half way up the ladders and can reach the tv wire to ds's tv/cd system. He yanks it so hard that it falls face down off the cabinet. he is screaming that i am on the computer ( rather than looking for his keys) and then turns the electric off in the house.
When he turns it back on, i go downstairs as whatever is about to happen shouldn't be witnessed by ds. I grab the phone and tell him that he should sleep on the sofa. As, if he comes upstairs i will phone the police. i really am that terrified that he is going to hit me.
He is prone to this kind of behaviour, always when drunk. The thing is he isn't that great sober. I didn't get a birthday present. I asked for something specific, i don't leave these things to chances, and i am not a martyr who wouldnt mention it's my birthday! I mentioned it lots of times He promised me something he would have to order and then forgot to order it.
He still hasn't done anything about it. It's weeks later. I think this is indicative of how much i matter to him, although he will spout otherwise.
We have been to counselling , some years ago, after an incident where he did become violent. That was the first and last time. However, those who know this type of behaviour i am sure will confirm that its the walking on egg shells, the atmosphere. Having to manage situations when there is drink involved. Having spare money down your bra in case he leaves you in the middle of god knows where. trying to think ahead for whatever eventuality might come your way if you are out and he is drunk.
I have no extended family.I have done this for a few years and i am tired.
so in my situation, please think of your children, your finances, house, mortgage, bills.It's very easy to glibly write "Leave him!" But would you?
wwyd?