About to turn 50 - want to live life to the full!

[Fluffypompoms]

Can anyone relate? I'm about to turn 50. There are SO many things I'd love to do and haven't done for one reason or another. I had the realisation the other day time is running out - that I might only have another 10 to 20 years - at best - to do all the things i want to do, if I'm lucky. It hit me like a tonne of bricks. I want to cram so much into life before I can't. Is anyone experiencing the same?

Thank you all for your replies you've really inspired me and its comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I've wasted so many years but it's never too late to change. I need to start prioritising my health, wellbeing and happiness. I'm about 4 stone overweight and I feel it really holds me back so I'm going to start with putting together a health and fitness plan. I like the suggestion of weight lifting and heard so many great things about it.

A bucket list is also definitely what I need. Enjoying and making the most of the little things in life is so important too. Its a lovely day today so rather than stay in and do housework or watch tv, I'm going to go for a walk and soak in the spring before it's gone again for another year.

I'm all for doing things when you can rather than waiting for some mythical retirement utopia - provided it's feasible.

In my friend group, the two things that determine this more than anything are
Disposable income
Overnight Childcare

The ones with grandparents to come and stay in the house for a few days are the ones going to adult festivals, adult weekends away, saying yes to what they want rather than what happens to fall on the week the kids are away on a school trip etc.

Dp and I do do stuff but mostly it's separately. Teen dd is too old for a babysitter but too ying to be trusted not to break open the gin if left home alone. She does go on sleepovers but last minute ad hoc so not for things that need planning ahead.

I’ve just turned 50 and am planning to retire in the next 3 years. I’m very aware that if we’re lucky we’ll have 20 healthy years for travelling, hobbies and volunteering. And maybe some grandchildren eventually!

I’m having a last hurrah career wise which I am thoroughly enjoying, and then I’ll be done.

I'm much older but I changed jobs three times in my 50's, re-trained and spent the last decade of my working life doing a job I really loved and found very fulfilling.

This is me too. We’re off on a long trip later this year and I’m absolutely desperate to do a solo trip too.

I’m far less interested in material possessions these days, I keep clearing out and would love to downsize to an apartment taking only a couple of suitcases. I’m mainly saving for retirement and spending all spare money on experiences.

But how long are you likely to be fully independent, and able to enjoy life?
My dad's 76, quite healthy and fully independent but we can all see that he's slowing down, and we worry now when he travels alone, and we've had a few chats that maybe we should go with him from now on.

This has actually really depressed me at nearly 53!! I feel young and am lucky to have a great life and have lovely holidays etc but blimey this post has made me feel I’m at death’s door.

Me too and I’m only 48! 😫🤦‍♀️

At 45 I made a list of 50 things I wanted to do before 50 - small and big things. So examples were make a dress, grow out my grey hair, walk the North Downs Way, go to a music festival etc etc. I make sure to do 10 a year. I have a very busy job and life but these things are still doable and I feel like I am doing all the things I wanted to. Hopefully I can get them all done by 50 then start my next list!

Agreed re the material possessions. When people ask me what I want for my birthday/Christmas etc I now ask that instead of a present we do something together. For my last birthday my son took me to a comedy night, my daughter took me for dinner and to see Wicked. I started doing this when I turned 40 and that year I had so many lovely evenings out with friends as my gifts.

I don't think it needs to be seen as depressing though! If we are middle aged (I don't feel that at 47 but I guess I am what people would call that!) then we are entering the 2nd half of our lives and rather than say oh I'm on the downhill slope so something equally depressing I just think my kids are older and I am taking time for me to do the things I want to. I'd hate to waste this extra freedom sitting around watching TV/working all the time (I mean I do watch TV in the evenings and I do work a lot but like to fit the good stuff in too!).

It’s a long, long time since I was 50. We have a list of places we want to visit and are working through them. Places that are more demanding (eg where the travel would be more tiring, or where lots of walking involved) are at the top of the list.
I am also focussing much more on my fitness than I used to and it’s paying dividends in terms of making travelling and visiting places easier than it might have done otherwise.

same age here and I feel the same! I know a lot of people my age who talk as if theyre on borrowed time already.
My mum is in her nineties and still very active so I’m not planning for the end anytime soon!

Yup. Ive done more training, lost weight, qualifications in a separate field just for entertainment. Widened my social circle. Beware as you do this and glow up, others may not like it - my Relationship is struggling because he's happy being passive. But I'm sooo much happier being my best self.

At a similar age to you, I -

Lost 3 stone. I wasn't massively overweight but did need to lose some weight. I'd started to see photos of myself and didn't recognise myself at all.

Started travelling more than I ever have done. I've never been one to go abroad much, and we didn't go abroad as children at all, but my partner and I have started to visit European cities a couple of times a year.

Really worked on finding my confidence. I was always a people pleaser and tried way too hard to help everyone else, usually at my own detriment. No chance now. I'm just doing now what so many others were happy to do even as far back as primary school. That is, putting myself first and not worrying so much about what others think. I'm still a good person and will always rush to someone's aid. I'm just not a mug anymore. Eg I used to pipe up "don't worry, I've got this!" for a group meal, and I am not rich. Total mug.

Given up fast fashion and doing random spot purchases because "ooh that looks nice" eg on George at Asda or Zara. I've literally run out of room now and can't be bothered with unpacking shopping bags when I get home. I'm so over it. I will use what I already have and will recycle anything I don't want.

It’s not unusual for people to live into their 90s but it’s very unlikely you’ll be able to do everything travelwise at 90 that you could easily do in your 50s. For example waking 25k steps a dsy to make the most of a city brsak. Those sorts of trips need doing sooner rather than later, gentler trips can wait. But if there are places you really want to see, get on and do it. Having a plan to make the most of your later life is sensible.

Absolutely

had friends die young - their parents still alive in some cases.

need to live now - DD now fledged, pension funds ready, all systems go

but you need a little selfishness or your time gets booked out by others - this silver anniversary, that needing a taxi to hospital

I agree with this.
I’m so pleased my DM did a lot of travelling in her 40’s, 50’s and early 60’s as a few years later she was showing noticeable cognitive decline. She couldn’t look after herself by her late 60’s as she had vascular dementia.

ONLY if you're in the right mindset. I did one just a couple of months after a LTR ended very traumatically. I think I was trying to prove something to him, to myself, to everyone. While I'm glad I got to see a place I've always wanted to go, I'd have got so much more out of it if I'd waited until I was more together and less frankly mental. We live and learn.

I think as we get to fifty nowadays we feel pressure to be an awesome independent woman who gives zero fucks, who goes to the gym, who has amazing experiences. Which in turn makes us anxious we're not doing midlife right. That's me, anyway

I have been doing them since I was 25. Not sure about this right mindset thing. I find they help me always. Not trying to prove anything. I just find them enjoyable.

Same, I find them really exciting.

Yes, at 43 I re-evaluated things after losing a couple of close friends to cancer and covid. I'm 48 now, have loads more hobbies, starting dating a wonderful man (who is 30, so he keeps me young a bit too). I care for my son, so I'm itching to get a bit more free time so that I can work full-time, he should be finishing his home tuition (in place of school) next year, so I can get to work more then.

Neither of my parents made 70. My dad died at 54 and my mum killed in a car accident at 69. We are retiring this year at 55 and going to continue to travel as much as we can, while we can. Am currently in the Canaries with two more holidays lined up. Now the children are grown will go back to long haul too.
Tomorrow is not promised. If I get to 80’s with little left I’ll take my chances. Live now, die with zero!

I love the idea of dodging a bulletin!😁
I'm in my sixties and kind of feel some similar things to some of you. I'm more about being authentically me and also being creative than big ticket items or specific experiences.

I'd suggest some counselling if anyone is unsure about what making the most of your life really looks like for you. It can really help you work out who you are and where you want to go

@aeon418 please can you tell me more about this- how do you do it? Do you need to buy '3d goggles'?