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Do doctors think sometimes.

27 replies

CharlotteCChapel · 17/03/2026 08:13

I've mentioned that I have been/seriously ill. Ive been used to the doctors saying things like you were very ill/poorly when you came in. Yesterday had the added line , were surprised you survived it

OP posts:
MushMonster · 17/03/2026 08:24

Yes, they know when something is really serious. Not 100% of the time, unfortunatelly.
We had a family member getting into hospital and her usual doctor coming in for a visit and letting her know that was it. And it was. She died less than a month later.
I hope you are feeling better now and keep getting better 💐

Miranda65 · 17/03/2026 08:38

I don't see the problem - what's wrong with honesty?

CharlotteCChapel · 18/03/2026 17:08

I had a friend die from the same condition a few years ago and it triggered me

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

firstofallimadelight · 18/03/2026 17:11

I think they can be brutally honest and sometimes be blasé (as in discussing things as though it’s normal not as in neglectful)

Jk987 · 18/03/2026 17:13

Your post doesn’t make sense. What are you saying and what are you asking?

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/03/2026 17:14

CharlotteCChapel · 18/03/2026 17:08

I had a friend die from the same condition a few years ago and it triggered me

No one can predict what might trigger someone else, otherwise we’d never leave the house or speak to another person. If you have a concern you need to articulate that beyond general terms, the doctor can’t know you’re anxious because of a friends experience nor should that influence your health care.

DameOfThrones · 18/03/2026 17:17

If you were so seriously ill that the doctor is surprised you survived it, I'm going to hazard a guess you were probably surprised too, especially if your friend died of the same thing?

Therefore I don't see how the Dr could possibly know this is a 'trigger' for you?

They'll be seeing 100s of patients with 100s of triggers.

I'm afraid they can't guess them all.

Batties · 18/03/2026 17:18

You were triggered by a comment from a doctor rather than the conditions itself? Since you have been ill has it not occurred to you that your friend died of the same condition?

ExOptimist · 18/03/2026 17:20

CharlotteCChapel · 18/03/2026 17:08

I had a friend die from the same condition a few years ago and it triggered me

How on earth would a doctor know your friend died from the same condition? Even if they did, What's the problem with them being honest? I bet you had already looked up your condition and knew it could cause death anyway. Doctors can't be tiptoeing round patients in case one happens to be "triggered"by something they say.

You got upset because a doctor was honest and it reminded you of your friend's death. That's normal life. Death happens and it's really shit. Bereavement is shit. But it's normal. It's not "triggering", you just experienced a normal emotion which you have to learn to deal with.

LIZS · 18/03/2026 17:22

Think about what? They have a duty to be factual and open. Were you aware of how sick you were at the time or perhaps family were told if you were not in a state to take it in.

ThePerfectWeekender · 18/03/2026 17:25

Sirely if you almost died it was obvious. I've been on life support twice in ICU with sepsis. They didn't need to tell me those times...

decorationday · 18/03/2026 17:26

DameOfThrones · 18/03/2026 17:17

If you were so seriously ill that the doctor is surprised you survived it, I'm going to hazard a guess you were probably surprised too, especially if your friend died of the same thing?

Therefore I don't see how the Dr could possibly know this is a 'trigger' for you?

They'll be seeing 100s of patients with 100s of triggers.

I'm afraid they can't guess them all.

No but they should be able to anticipate that telling someone they were expected to die might cause unnecessary distress.

Does the patient need to know? Does the patient want to know? Is it ethical to say this to the patient?

We are free to decline information and for that to be respected. Doctors do not have the right or obligation to force it on us.

decorationday · 18/03/2026 17:26

LIZS · 18/03/2026 17:22

Think about what? They have a duty to be factual and open. Were you aware of how sick you were at the time or perhaps family were told if you were not in a state to take it in.

That's inaccurate.

DameOfThrones · 18/03/2026 17:32

decorationday · 18/03/2026 17:26

No but they should be able to anticipate that telling someone they were expected to die might cause unnecessary distress.

Does the patient need to know? Does the patient want to know? Is it ethical to say this to the patient?

We are free to decline information and for that to be respected. Doctors do not have the right or obligation to force it on us.

Oh come on now.

Whatever she was suffering from wasn't sudden news in the surgery that she could've died from it.

She'll already KNOW that because A.) She had the illness and B.) Her friend already died of it.

Doctors cannot guess that facts may or may not trigger patients in this way.

BreakingBroken · 18/03/2026 17:37

Your claim to be triggered has triggered me.
😡

Batties · 18/03/2026 17:38

decorationday · 18/03/2026 17:26

That's inaccurate.

Not true

Mingspingpongball · 18/03/2026 17:50

OP I’ve come so close to death twice (haemorrhaging both times). I recall the words of the doctor and the surgeons before they operated and that it was unlikely the second time that I’d make it. They didn’t need to say it again afterwards. I knew I was “lucky”.

If you are angry or upset that they’ve pointed out how touch and go it was after the event I think it’s likely they are doing a few things- emphasising how high risk your situation was, there’s nothing wrong in doing that, or sharing what appears to be the good and perhaps unexpected outcome that you survived, again I don’t see anything wrong with that.
But are you talking about something specific they said that makes you feel they were implying you caused the issue or that you felt they were judging you?

BreakingBroken · 18/03/2026 17:51

Dr’s almost always are thinking, suggesting otherwise is insulting.
You could have been melodramatic to which the response might be sarcastic equally it could be a wake up call.
Do you have your affairs in order; will, poa, all banking/pension/passwords available to your executor. Expressed details of your funeral to someone who will follow through.

ValidPistachio · 18/03/2026 18:04

BreakingBroken · 18/03/2026 17:37

Your claim to be triggered has triggered me.
😡

Ditto. I would be boasting that I had survived something that was expected to kill me, not moaning about bring triggered.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 18/03/2026 18:18

I can already see the post on here: “my friend died recently, AIBU to want to sue the dr’s for not telling her she was going to die? How dare they withhold that information from her?”

Not Wanting dr’s to be honest has nothing to do with being “triggered” and everything to do with wanting to remain in denial.

Knowledge is power. And the greater knowledge you have about your health, the more power you have to live the right life, follow the rules, do what’s expected and be able to have honest and intelligent conversations with your doctors.

I have almost died several times. I have been defibrillated, have had a cardiac arrest, was told I would be ineligible for transplant and that I would be sent home to die.

Then came some intervention and I was told that although this would improve my life, without a transplant “your future is very bleak.”

And then when I was told that I was sick enough to need a transplant but still well enough to survive one, the consultant said “you have to remember that there are risks. One in every ten people who come into this office to be told they need a transplant won’t be here in a year’s time, because one in ten don’t survive the first year.”

And still I signed the forms.

And when you get that far into a journey honesty is the only thing that is possible.

It’s not possible to dress it up. Transplant isn’t a cure. You’re trading one lot of medical issues for another.

Some people breeze through, thus far I’ve been lucky. Others aren’t so fortunate.

And all the while they will tell you that they will do everything they can, but the truth is stil always there. And it has to be.

And nobody should want it any other way.

youalright · 18/03/2026 18:28

Whats wrong with that they're proud they kept you alive and you should be impressed with your own body. When you get out of hospital I think getting them a nice thankyou card would be lovely.

GinaandGin · 18/03/2026 18:39

Miranda65 · 17/03/2026 08:38

I don't see the problem - what's wrong with honesty?

Agree. Its the doctor managing expectations

DameOfThrones · 18/03/2026 18:41

CharlotteCChapel · 18/03/2026 17:08

I had a friend die from the same condition a few years ago and it triggered me

I thought I was mistaking you for someone else so I've just checked and I'm not.

You mentioned your illness on a thread the day before yesterday and said 'It threatened to put you 6 feet under'.

Why didn't you trigger yourself with that sort of language but the doctor triggered you by saying they're surprised you survived?

Dexterrr · 18/03/2026 18:49

decorationday · 18/03/2026 17:26

No but they should be able to anticipate that telling someone they were expected to die might cause unnecessary distress.

Does the patient need to know? Does the patient want to know? Is it ethical to say this to the patient?

We are free to decline information and for that to be respected. Doctors do not have the right or obligation to force it on us.

Yes the patient should be told
Yes doctors must be clear with patients
Yes there is trouble if the are unclear with the facts

GinaandGin · 18/03/2026 20:23

Dexterrr · 18/03/2026 18:49

Yes the patient should be told
Yes doctors must be clear with patients
Yes there is trouble if the are unclear with the facts

Agree
Informed consent

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