Lack of consistency towards treatment of mental vs physical health

[givemestrength2023]

Hi, I'll try to keep this brief but I don't want to miss out anything important, so please bear with me. Apologies if I ramble a little.

I'm feeling a bit sad and frustrated by a situation at work. I've joined a close-knit team and I am by far the oldest (which is no criticism of anyone else or me, that's just where life has led me). My colleagues are lovely people.

The job is administrative and on paper quite manageable, but the context can be stressful (I don't want to be outing or derail the point of the thread) and the main responsbility is minute taking. It's highly pressured, requires a lot of focus and obviously, a lot of typing. We are not paid a great deal but we have a lot of responsbility and the demand upon our service is often at crazy levels.We work in a responsive service and we are expected to be available, no matter what (this is drilled into everybody like a mantra).

I felt a little hesistant about posting this because I've seen a fair amount of people being quite dismissive of ND diagnoses being made for adults (or young people!) but I am someone who waited until my early forties to get a diagnosis,knowing that something had always been "wrong" with me, and I will respectfully disagree with anyone who feels it is overdiagnosed or a fad. In my personal experience, I was too "capable" as a child (just "too sensitive" etc), had all of the classic symptoms that are missed in young girls and was then diagnosed with depression in my twenties. I have been on antidepressants since then and I have still felt completely incapable of living like a "normal" person. This is not a fad.

Anyhow, I started this role at the same time as I started titration for my ADHD diagnosis, which isn't ideal - but life generally isn't, so I went with it. I started on a low dose of a new drug and also reduced my antidepressant - and it was always going to be a case of finding the right balance. I've been open and honest with my manager from the outset and have felt supported about it - although I am regularly reminded that we work in a responsive service and we just have to get on with it, basically.

During a recent medication appointment, I discussed with my clinician that I am happy with how things are going, but that I am still finding myself fading at the end of the afternoon and have worried that I struggle a bit if I take on a late afternoon meeting. They suggested that they could up my dose but it would mean tapering off my antidepressant medication. I have worried about this because I was fully aware of how mentally fucked it can make you feel, but I decidedt go for it - tapering last week and then stopping as of today. Well! Last week was absolutely horrific. I did the tapering as advised but it just made me feel horrendous - constantly tearful, doubting myself, sleep was fucked. You get the idea. I was able to work from home (as we are hybrid anyway it made little difference - you don't get a break either way, if anything you work harder). I had s* ideations of the kind that are described on the leaflets - and I pushed through without being able to tell anyone how I felt, as nobody talks about mental health.

Conversely, there is a (lovely) colleague who has a problem with her hand which she says is from typing. Another colleague previously had the same problem (diagnosed with carpal tunnel) which must have been very painful. I feel for them both. I don't blame them for this situation - but I do feel annoyed that everyone (including me) was saying to this colleague to take it easy, and doing extra work to cover for them - when I was sitting there feeling like throwing myself out of the window. We have this really annoying Teams chat which is there to talk about work stuff (but people also talk bollocks) and sorry but after getting max 2-3 hours sleep a night and waking up to someone saying they'd had 13 hours and were still knackered - lol - made me want to launch my laptop at the wall.

I've been told by management before that if I'm not feeling well enough to do the job (whether WFH or in the office) then I need to not be in work. I worked through that hellscape last week. On the other hand there is a minute taker who can't take minutes - but they haven't been told the same thing - and I'm feeling quite fucked off really.

Sorry for the massive rant, I'm going to get absolutely flamed here aren't I.

I probably should have put this in the work thread, I don't know. No responses which doesn't leave me any more enlightened! If I was allowed to edit I would have taken out the line about being flamed - we are all free to feel and also free to say what we want. x

I've been told by management before that if I'm not feeling well enough to do the job (whether WFH or in the office) then I need to not be in work. I worked through that hellscape last week.

It's not very clear what you are concerned about - is it that you are reluctant to take time off sick for MH reasons?

Yes, I guess so. I feel like as a newish employee, I have to be creative about ways I can stay working, because I can't have x amount of time off because I'm feeling s*dal. Yet the person with a sore hand stays working whilst doing next to fuck all, which then leaves the pressure on me to do more.

Try to stop focusing on your colleague. It’s frustrating but not relevant to your own circumstances.

Does your employer know exactly what has been happening with you?

It sounds likely that both your colleagues have acquired their conditions because of their occupation and I expect it is a hot topic because it could befall anyone in this type of job. It's well known and there's an understanding of when and how it can be managed.

It’s easier for managers to manage physical health adjustments than mental health ones. What is it you think you need from work? More therapy? Time off? Time off for how long? You have potential for being an employee who will just not be able to do the job.
You should tell your line manager though and ask for any adjustments that would help whilst still being able to complete your work.

If you’re too unwell to work you need to take time off sick. Trying to work when ill and doing it badly does no-one any favours, you included.

If you’re pulled for low quality work and say ‘sorry but I was unwell’ they’ll be rightly unhappy with you for withholding that information at the time. If work needs to arrange someone else to cover for you, because you’re not up to the task that day, they need to know that.

You say no-one talks about mental health but you’re the one not talking about it. You don’t need to share personal information with the team but you can talk to your manager.

This drug balancing process is a temporary phase. Things will improve when you arrive at the right doses.

Absolutely right - and I think it's terrible that these young women are suffering for a role that barely pays above the minimum wage. What sort of world are we living in when a LA is paying people poverty wages for such an important (and statutory) role. (It's horrendous and the deflation of wages in the sector is a whole different topic!)

Exactly this.

You're absolutely right about it being temporary and I'm trying to remember that whilst I hold on to this rollercoaster for dear life. That's a horrible analgy as I hate rollercoasters - I would be the odd friend offering to hold the coats and bags!!

I have told my managers how I'm feeling and have witheld nothing - I learned that the hard way in a previous job. I know (and would advise anyone) that if you have a disability under the Equality Act, disclose it from day one. They have been fair with me. I just don't ever see them, even when they are in the same building - it's all a bit odd. I have joined a kind but cliquey team at a time when I feels I can't say anything about how I'm suffering - and probably trying to overcompensate because ADHD does come with RSD, which is a noise you have to avoid all of the time. I don't necessarily wish my condition was physical but it would be easier. I also wish I could say that the manicures they all have are probably not helping their fingers when typing - but I won't be doing that as I'm not a complete and utter prick (hopefully)

I really think it would help you if you stopped focusing so much on colleagues with hand injuries. You say management have been dealing fairly with you. What is it that’s annoying you — that you’re not getting sympathy from colleagues for a condition you haven’t disclosed to them?

I realise that I'm all over the shop and haven't been clear - that's on me. I have told them and they are aware about the med changes. I worked from home all of last week rather than doing any office days. I still broke down crying at random stages and there were no managers to speak to. My team were all consoling this team member who was struggling to type and I was sitting there pondering that there was no way I could tell the team that I was suffering in such a profound way, that's all. Perhaps I was just ranting into the wind, I don't know. i suppose I wasn't trying to achieve anything.It's just very difficult and I'm not looking forward to logging in at 9am for another day of it! But I'm very grafeful to have a job x

Honestly, OP, it sounds as if you shouldn’t be working at the moment.

What is the usual protocol for needing to talk to management when working from home?

There's always one isn't there? I'm only focusing on this because it directly affects my workload. There is Teams chat that we are essentially forced to be part of, as it is supposed to be about work. I have no choice but to focus on it when it is a topic in said chat. I empathise with others, regardless of how hard my struggle is. Please show me a context where it would be remotely anything other that wildy odd to state in the team chat that I spent the entire week feeling like I wanted to top myself because I was coming off antidepressants? That would not be professional or necessary. On the other hand, talking about a bad hand is absolutely fine and you surely can see the difference, unless you are looking for reasons to disagree with me?! I haven't said anything controversial at all.

I think I've pointed out that there isn't a "usual protocol" hence why I've reached out for support.

You're obviously having a really tough time but I'm not sure it's about comparing physical health and mental health, probably more that yours is a long term condition, but in an acute stage at the moment, whereas your colleague just has an acute and temporary condition. I have a physical disability but it's always changing, better days and utter sh*te days! But when people ask what's wrong it'd be so much easier for people to understand if I said I'd sprained my ankle for example. It's probably that even if your colleagues knew how much you're struggling at the moment, there's not an easy answer as to how they can help you. Given that it is a temporary stage of balancing your meds though I'd agree that a period off sick may be needed. Have you got support around aside from work? Is there someone to check in with you if you're off sick and have you got ways to occupy yourself and slow down the spiralling thoughts without your work routine though? I really hope next week is a little easier than last week for you.

Thanks for the kind message. I know that some people suffer with really debiltating physical conditions and I can't imagine how hard that must me on a long term basis. I wouldn't prefer to have a physical condition! It's not a case of one being better than the other - if you have an acute issue then it's blooody horrible,

I just feel it would be easier and less awkward to explain to people around me that I had "sore fingers" than how I felt last week. For context, last week was absolute hell on earth but I couldn't have inserted into the chat "sorry peeps, just need to go and cry in a heap for 20 minutes because my meds transition is making me feel like thowing myself off a bridge".

I hope that makes sense. I hate the idea of people or health conditions being pitted against each other, that's just awful. I feel that everyone, partilcularly in a publicly funded and very low paid role, should have dignity, kindness and care at work - but we don't live in that world, unfortunatley,

Thank you for wishing me well, that's really kind and has given me a little boost x

Oh I absolutely didn't take it as a "one is better than the other" kind of situation at all. More like we are kind of in the same boat as opposed to your colleague that has something temporary, easy to explain and people generally know how they can help. When I could walk last week but this week I'm using a wheelchair people just don't get it. In the same way, you were managing your ADHD not so long ago but now you're changing meds you're very unwell, but people don't always get that or know how to help. You've managed this far though and you must now be through the worst of it. I really hope the coming week feels a little more manageable x

You've been so kind and you're right! We are in the same boat. Health is so nuanced. The situation at work is weird as well because these two minute takers were left with a huge workload due to understaffing prior to new staff being brought in. I take people at face value (empath - can't help it) and I want other people to be ok, always. I think I'm struggling because I can't accept others being ok at my expense, when they have the security of work that I don't (I'm still in probationary). Hard to explain but thank you for your kind words. It's so hard when you can't sleep as well - I can't turn my brain off yet I still have to log on and be ready at 9am, no matter what. Bit shit when your pay and conditions are so crap x

Yes not sleeping definitely makes everything else seems so much worse! I have that problem too gggrrrr! For different reasons of course but very frustrating. Try to "rest" even if you can't sleep. Better than nothing at all 😊

Thank you for understanding and for being kind. I feel for you too and hope your situation gets better (or you find a way to make it work for you, which is what we do isn't it?!) take care lovely and thank you xx

If the meetings are online, could you turn on transcription to make minutes easier?

Do you have physical symptoms from changing your meds like nausea or migraine you could mention to your colleagues if that feels easier for you? It could help explain time away, why you're not 100% or up for jokes today etc.
I hope this week is better for you, you're obviously trying your best and that's all you can do.

Yes, I wondered about explaining your symptoms in a physical way too. Nausea or headaches related to some medication? Depends how much you’re happy to disclose to colleagues about needing medication for a chronic condition.

People with health conditions can be sacked even if covered under the equality act as long as procedure is followed. You also mention you work for a local authority, they have very strict protocol and it is one of the hardest sectors to get rid of people from. How do I know? I was a trade union officer for a decade.

You are supposed to declare health conditions that affect your ability to do the job though you are not legally obliged to. But if you didn’t disclose a condition that then made it impossible to do your job you can face disciplinary action up to and including dismissal.

I wouldn’t call local authority conditions crap, it’s hard work no doubt but the private sector is much tougher when it comes to terms and conditions,

I am sorry you are feeling unwell, also try and adjust your home routine at this difficult transition time as well, you probably have already.