What do I do with art that depicts what my family used to be?

[Oricolt]

This is an odd question. I think I'm not in the right headspace to make it.

For 30 years I was married. We had a lovely and loving family life.

We were on holiday years ago and found a local artist selling brightly coloured paintings of cartoony people and we bought one that showed a family that matched ours: Dad, mum, 2 big boys, 2 little girls. It has hung in our living room for years.

I also have a framed paper-cut of us all - not really us, but people in a piece of art that match our family. The papercut even has our dogs.

And a little statue of elephants the same size as us: Dad elephant and two big boys, mum elephant and two little girls.

It all sounds horrendously naff, doesn't it??!! Haha. Try not to focus on that. Just some lovely things that are a part of our family story.

Last year my husband betrayed us all in the most appalling way. He shattered our happy family and left. It has been awful. The children and I have been left bewildered by his actions and struggling to right ourselves. I do know that while the hurt is fresh now, it won't always be this raw. I also see how important it is to the children to know that our happy times were real. I will never forgive him, but they will and they need to and I understand that.

What do I do with the art?

What did you do with your framed family photos showing you all smiling and happy? His deceptions have been going on for years - many photos show him smiling, while I now know he was already acting appallingly.

Wrap it in tissue paper, box it up and put it in the loft/under the bed/on top of the wardrobe....anywhere out of sight for you?
Depending on what he did it is entirely possible your children won't forgive him. If you were married for 30 years I am assuming even the youngest child is an adult (apologies if I am very wrong!) so there is a good chance they know their own minds.
Edited for spelling.

Ask the kids if they want it.

If not throw it out

Stick it in the loft.

Throw his elephant in the bin and display the rest.

Put the other things in the attic.

If it upsets you, get rid of it. Fresh start and all…

Just make sure you put something in its place. An empty space will be just as upsetting.

In so sorry OP.

I've got exactly that situation. A picture drawn by my then 6 year old including me pregnant (belly helpfully labelled "baby"). He died at birth and that picture means so much to me.

STBXH left us. I'll probably put it away as pp suggested.

Best wishes to you at this time.

My ExH kept them.

I didn’t want them except for one that has my dad in just before he died. Even then I considered stubbing his face out with a cigarette (I don’t smoke).

I have new ones now. Just me and the kids. Got my brother to send some of his family as well. Put up pictures of my cats.

apparently his second wife thinks it’s creepy he has all the family photos up.

Give the bastard his elephant. Put everything else away and in time you will end up with new and different things that mean just as much.

You say he betrayed you all in the most appalling way. Without being too nosey, what exactly did he do?
I want to give advice regarding the shared art but don't think I fully can until I put myself in yours and his shoes

I think my view is slightly different because these are representative rather than photos.

If it was photos of your family at events, happy holidays, days out etc I would say keep them. As you say, it’s important that your kids have happy memories of that time.

The “two adults 4 kids and 2 dogs” stylised artworks - I am not sure I see these the same. They don’t record a particular day or memory. To me, it’s more of a “look at our perfect family” symbol and therefore actually more tainted by what has happened since, compared with a photo of a day out.

In short, I’d keep photos (maybe put away) but get rid of the representations of “two parents 4 kids”.

Get a photo of your favourite celeb and stick it over the dads face on the artwork.

Almost directly contradicting @minipie , I think I’d reframe them as ‘the family we had’- which was good at the time. So depersonalise them as ‘my family, with that bloke that was good for carrying the picnic chairs’. The ones where you can cut him out/remove him then I probably would.

Most of all, quickly gather alternatives that reflect now, new souvenirs.

My mum cut out a photo of my husbands face and decoupaged it over the photo of my ex boyfriend in my graduation picture.
was on display in her house for years
but re elephant def burn it !

Thanks all. And lol at putting his elephant in the bin.

Yes, @minipie you're right. They symbolised my beautiful family - which makes it hard to have them around. I shall quietly put things away for now.

I'm reclaiming my space. Swapping to another bedroom and buying new bedding. I do feel positive about the future. His choices reflect on him, not me. I shall gradually get art that is a part of my new life.

Go somewhere lovely with the children - beach, day out, holiday etc. And choose some art that you all like whilst you’re away. Something positive to remind you of a happy time.

Maybe get some photo frames too and put pictures in them of happy times in the past or the children’s achievements, just avoid photos containing twatface.

When you come home use it to replace the art that you’re finding upsetting.

Hammer nails in his elephant and post it to him. Keep the other elephants - they are your herd now.

Get rid of the cartoony people and paper cuts. Give yourself space to move on to your new future. Your children are mementoes enough of those times.

I’d make other good memories and buy new things that remind you of that. Good luck. It’s not easy.

Bin it. Book a holiday. Buy nicer ones

Can you get a local artist to copy it and remove him from the pictures. Regarding the elephant wrap it up and put it in the loft - that one is lost to poachers.

My mother made me watch as she cut my father out of every photo she had. Make new memories and replace them!

All the painful photos I’ve got I’ve put them away carefully in a box in the loft.

I just either put other pics or fill the space with other stuff

I wouldn’t remove just the dad elephant, as it will be such a stand out point.
I would however redecorate the sitting room, new cushions and if you can afford it new curtains. Give it a fresh start that doesn’t include those items. Fresh start, the beginning of your new family unit.
the items go up in the loft.

Put them away for now, respectfully. Then follow your gut. There may be a time you want them back. There may not be, but you don’t have to make that decision now.
🪴

I just want to say thank you for all these replies that get it. It seems such a silly thing but when things are difficult, it's sometimes the little things that I'm struggling with. I really appreciate you all.

Its not a silly thing Oricolt. This is a part of grieving what once was.