To think poor communication skills in the workplace is now acceptable behaviour?

[Hummingbirdyy]

I'm in my late 30s and have worked since I was 16. Im not sure if this is something unique to my workplace however, I've noticed a growing trend in young ppl straight out of uni joining our workplace who have abysmal communication skills.

We have a young person at the moment who has been with us nearly 2 years. They refuse to deal with clients and just does the backend work of a project. We have an informal reception area - ppl knock at the door and we deal with their query. They never get up and answer the door.

They sit in silence the entire time they are there, listen in to our conversations and smile to themselves when it's something funny but don't participate. If they do talk it's very rare and awkward and just about work - one or two sentences. They then go home and send half a dozen emails when they could have just spoken to us about it which would have been quicker instead of going back and forth with emails. If I call their number (work phone) they never answer.

A colleague's DM passed away recently in very sudden and tragic circumstances. It was an extremely difficult time for my colleague and this was no secret. She spoke about it openly. The young person who sits next to her, not once asked how she was doing or even acknowledged it. I only know this as colleague was slightly hurt that they didn't ask as she does try to make an effort with younger colleague.

This type of behaviour has been similar in the 3 of the 5 most recent graduates at work.

Im not asking anyone to make friends at work ( I certainly don't) and be life of the party, chatting away constantly but a certain level of communication with your colleagues, in my mind is expected and it's considered rude to just sit there in silence and especially to pick and choose jobs that require minimal verbal communication.

I'm expecting the usual mn response that noone should have any expectation to speak to anyone at work and that's it's absolutely acceptable to only do work that you're comfortable with.

I was exceptionally shy when I was younger. My first office job was a temporary role, which involved taking phone calls. There were 2 other admin people in the office and the manager - his desk was next to mine. I was so nervous of being heard on the phone and making a fool of myself, I would turn the ringer of the phone off! I would only answer the phone if I was alone or others were busy on calls so they couldn’t hear me.

I got over it slowly and was asked to stay on. I actually work in a customer service role now where I have to speak to angry customers. The point is that I recognised I had to get on with it. The problem you have is that these colleagues are related to management so they’re able to hide. I’m shocked that they were hired without an interview at all. In a few years they will probably be promoted to management level without having the skills or capability.

Part of this may be that it is now so difficult for young people to get part time jobs in the way which was common for earlier generations. When I was 14/15 we all had "saturday jobs" mostly in retail. We developed communication skills such as listening to what customers wanted, handling money and giving the right change. We also learned the basics of keeping ourselves busy in betwen customers and not standing about idle. I worked in a chip shop and people would come in often a bit merry from the pub and joke with me. So a sense of humour in dealing with these customers also helped. Often I was able to upsel some extras such as a bottle of coke or a fish when they only came in for chips. All these little jobs which gave young people experience and a sense of independence are now very thin on the ground.

I have shown empathy to this employee. Myself and the rest of the team do work that they have opted out of doing, not getting up to answer the door etc. I was understanding at the beginning as they're young and inexperienced, however after 2 years, I think they are the ones lacking empathy and are pretty selfish tbh.

I get that it is frustrating that they aren't doing what is required, but has anyone ever told them what the expectations are? As in clearly said, the expectations for your role are you answer the phone, are the first person to answer the counter etc I have known a lot of people to complain that someone isn't doing XYZ. When I ask them have you clearly told the person that this is one of the expectations of their role, the predominant response is No. You can see it dawn on them that if they haven't told someone they are expected to do something, then how is that person meant to know?

It's ok to be really clear. You've been here two years. Going forward, the expectation is eg
you are the first person to respond when people come in. Set expectations using the word expectation. Clarity is kindness.

PPs have made good points about issues impacting the younger generations, but this also seems an issue with the company you work for. They should be putting him on a development and giving him constructive feedback.

I think YABU about the bereavement thing. I’m in my late 30s and i would feel uncomfortable talking to a colleague who isn’t a close friend about their mum’s death. I think it’s a bit weird to be so open about it at work with people who are not that close to you.

You have to accept that these inept communication skills amongst many young people are the norm now. They don’t know any different because the world they live in is totally fine with mediocre and disconnected relationships. It’s depressing but it’s just the way society has shifted, lower you expectations because it’s only going to get worse. I think the overly synthetic digital world they inhabit has robbed them of any social awareness.

According to most MNetters, nobody wants their inbox clogged up with unnecessary thank you emails.

From the responses on this thread, you need to either show empathy to the other person or tell them yourself what to do as apparently some people just wouldn't think to do it (or have basic manners, it seems). or they might be autistic!

So much empathy that you decide to start a thread complaining about them rather than the people with whom the blame really lies - those who are not managing them effectively and who are running a really shit recruitment process.

The trouble is there’s communication and communication, and the op only wants the sort that’s good for her, as we all do.

The communication from younger and poorer people both - and they’re not the same thing - is never wanted and never valued.

I kept myself to myself through work because I could not - COULD NOT - participate in the same life or world as my middle class colleagues, especially not the landlording ones.

Communication has broken down throughout society and it is because the choices of elites have grown inequality. No one listens or has listened for years to those of us from poverty, from different worlds, who wanted to work up. It’s no use just putting the blame on a few symptoms. It’s bigger than that.

Cultural or social cohesion is also a real thing that impacts on communication and when will that reality be addressed? The Romans had to invent a religion to solve their issues and discovered it brought more problems.

I'd need to be very honest with myself and look back on my own entry to the workplace, and realise that I thought I had great communication skills and on reflection I can see that I still had a lot to learn in that regard. I see a very similar thing in the young people that I recruit, they think they know it all and are great at it all, and some of them think that I and other colleagues need telling how to do our jobs. Fresh ideas are often a good thing, though I can't say I've learnt much that I want to keep from these young people, apart from developing extraordinary levels of patience😉

The big trend that I notice is the massively increased and still increasing rates of mental health conditions, most frequently anxiety, coupled with a lack of resilience to quite minor disappointments or inconveniences. This was trending since before covid, so pandemic lockdowns doesn't explain it all.

We all, as new entrants to the workplace, would benefit from somebody kindly taking us under their wing and giving us a bit of guidance and shaping us. I don't care much whether it's formal mentoring, a good manager who is interested in helping their team to thrive, or "just" a more experienced colleague taking the new person under their wing - actually I think the latter, as long as it's a good employee who you want them to emulate, is often the most effective. I don't blame anybody for not wanting to upset the nepo baby and their management daddy/uncle/whoever, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect nepo-baby to develop workplace skills if he's getting no guidance or feedback. Their relative hasn't done them any favours in that regard.

Ok, I think this might be for another thread. It's really not that philosophical 🤣

My ds2 is autistic and currently at uni. He's finding the other students very frustrating to deal with because a significant number of them can't communicate. He'll try to engage with them and he says they're shut down and won't speak or make eye contact. He says it's very strange. We're a nd family, but we all communicate appropriately and it's difficult to understand why some young people are behaving like this.

I think people are failing to meet their obligations these days because they don't see why they should. If they don't want to do something they just don't do it. I'm disappointed to hear that nepotism is alive and well and providing employment to these second rate people.

Communication has broken down a lot - I think tech is a big factor.

It's most visible in work for me as well but I can see it across the board.

I actually think it's a really serious problem

But @Hummingbirdyy you'd have to be really careful raising it about the people who were hired because of family links.

To communicate with your colleague smoothly in the workplace is a necessary and based skill.When they need you to improve your communication skill which dose not mean your company wanna fire you.Good communication skill can make you have a better work behavior.

You are not wrong. I often encounter these clueless young people in service roles, and when trying to get help hahaha from call centre/customer service lines. (I, too, was a young person once, working in hospitality and on phone lines.)

It's as if they baulk at the sight of a human, face to face. There's just this blank sullen stare! Or when talking on the phone, they have no ability to listen or take in basic facts, so you have to repeat every simple sentence or statement of fact or query three or four times. It's exhausting.

This is really interesting to learn. A few people have already chimed in with the "but autism" excuse. I think young people across the board have much poorer communication skills than people the same age 15/20 years ago. It's not seen as a issue to work on, but to just say "but autism" and not do anything about it.

It's interesting that noone has suggested social anxiety as a possible explanation of the person at works behaviour instead of jumping to a neurodevelopmental condition but that's the trend now isn't it.

It is an issue with the recruitment at your work place, not with young people generally.

They're not been managed properly which is unfair on the team and on them. They should be made to do equal clients contact as everyone else, but 2 years has passed so seems to be the norm now. I am not sure It's necessarily rudeness, maybe a lack of confidence or social anxiety.

I started work three weeks after my 16th birthday and one of my jobs was answering the phone. People didn't mentor staff in those days (50 years ago) and I just had to get on with it, and eventually I had to start phoning clients which I hated to begin with. I was pretty quiet and shy but it wasn't long before I gained confidence.

The person OP is writing about has been there for nearly two years, they should be able to deal with the job by now.

I think it's more than a bit weird to not say a word to someone who has recently suffered a bereavement! All that is required is a "I'm sorry for your loss" or something similar, and a brief enquiry as to how they are. I recently retired but throughout my whole working life I never worked with anyone who couldn't say something as basic as that. Nor did I ever work with anyone with "social anxiety".

Honestly what sort of a world are we living in now where basic good manners make someone feel "uncomfortable".

The overwhelming issue here is the appalling nepotism!

This person got a job without an interview due to their connection to senior staff: massive no-no! Mangers don’t want to tackle them on their behaviour/work due to their personal connections? Terrible.

if I were you I would seriously question the values of this company and leave; senior management have set themselves/ others up to fail.

Op said the colleague was really open about it all in the office and i think sometimes the opposite is true, it can make other people feel uncomfortable.

I had a breakdown last year and when i returned to work, i specifically said i don’t want to talk about it or to be asked how i am.

When my mum died the last thing I wanted was colleagues mentioning it to me, because it just made me start crying again. So no, I wouldn’t say something unless it was to a colleague I was close to.