Being asked where I’m “really from”

[Realscottishhaggis]

I was born in Scotland but spent time between Scotland and England, and we moved around within the UK each year or so. I don’t have a regional accent but somehow sound like I am from London which is where people tend to guess.
I often get asked where I’m from “originally” by people trying to make conversation and they make references to having gone to London and the topic doesn’t interest me. I need a way to move the conversation on.
Also I am not imagining this I have been spoken to like absolute rubbish by some (not all) locals just because they think I’m English.
Some people even assume I am loaded (I’m not) because of my accent and ask how I paid for something or how much money I have or what I work as.

My kids (mixed race) get asked this. They were literally born in the hospital down the road (and so was their dad, incidentally). They have the local accent.

I'm the white parent and never get asked this. I'm not even from round here.

I think, "where are you from?" can sometimes be a friendly question, if you're clear that it's about accent. But if you follow it up with, "But where are you REALLY from?"... that's rude. Always. And often a bit racist.

Also I am not imagining this I have been spoken to like absolute rubbish by some (not all) locals just because they think I’m English.

Sorry you are experiencing that.

That's good. OP has though. Maybe a different area?

I have an American accent as I grew up there. But I was born in London to English/Irish parents and have lived here most of my adult life (I’m 63). But of course people assume I’m American (occasionally Canadian). You can imagine what I’ve put up with over the years though oddly not much now. I don’t mind though it makes me memorable. I either give them a look and say ‘what accent’ to tease them a bit but then say I was born in Hammersmith but grew up in the States. Many people are curious about America so I get asked loads of questions, so it can be a good ice breaker. I also have had to sit through people ripping Americans apart even if they don’t know I’m from here and even better before they have spoken to me and the look on their faces when I do speak!
Americans tend to think I have a non American accent though.

I have a friend whose family is of Zambian origin. People ask her all the time, where she is really from. She will literally be like Surrey. No, but where are you really from? No, but like originally? She’s Black and British. Her parents were born here. Grandparents in Zambia. What they really mean is, you aren’t White enough to be British so where are you from?!

I am white and a dual national (but grew up outside the UK), and I do get people who go on and on about my accent, and trying to guess where I’m from and telling me how I definitely haven’t lost my accent despite living here for 16 years. I’m like, yep, thanks. On occasion, I also get ones who go off on a little rant about immigrants, but because I’m white, I think they forget momentarily because I’m not the offensive sort of immigrant. So that’s always great too. 😂

I was literally just thinking this! You tell them and within seconds they'll tell you they went to school with your uncle and ask after your nana.

People are making friendly conversation and you are taking offence. Really?

Eh? OP wrote "Also I am not imagining this I have been spoken to like absolute rubbish by some (not all) locals just because they think I’m English."

That is hardly the same as "making friendly conversation!"

"Where are you from?" can be friendly. "But where are you REALLY from" is rude at best. They don't agree with your answer (e.g. "But you're not white, you can't possibly be from Britain")

I don't understand why people think you're "loaded". Why would they think that let alone comment on it? As for asking where you're from, that's pretty normal. If you have a different accent to most locals then it's natural human curiosity and an ice breaker. Why not just tell them you were born in Scotland if you don't want to talk about London. Maybe if you tell them you're actually Scottish it will stop the anti English remarks!

Agree!

People are desperate to be offended

Do you really believe that people are asking these sorts of questions?

"Some people even assume I am loaded (I’m not) because of my accent and ask how I paid for something or how much money I have"

I lived in the US for 30 years and in London for over 40. As soon as I open my mouth everyone knows I’m American so I have a tendency to make a joke about it before I’m asked. In my case when I’m introduced to someone I usually say something like “You can tell from my accent that I’m American - but don’t blame me, I didn’t vote for him.” Making a joke of it tends to change the atmosphere.

@Realscottishhaggis why would being loaded equate with being English? You do know that there's lots of loaded Scottish people in Scotland?

I’m white and have quite a posh English accent. When i moved home to Yorkshire after uni and worked in a Leeds pub, a lot of people asked me where I was from. Years later I say I’m from Yorkshire but lost my accent on the M1.

I’m also prettty fluent in French… but not perfect and French people assume I’m from Belgium. Obviously I’m Hercules Poirot’s doppleganger. 🙄

I said mixed race about 5 months ago and someone told me I should be saying mixed or dual heritage. I don’t know what to say anymore! I work in a school and I’m petrified of getting it wrong. Off topic sorry!

It's a minefield. I have always said "mixed race" about myself and I am fine with either that or "dual heritage." It's impossible to know who will prefer what! I guess dual heritage sounds more polite?

Yes I suppose it does. I’ll stick with that until someone tells me otherwise 😂

I was born in England but live in Scotland my very obviously English accent is according to my colleagues “very posh” I have never met with any hostility from Scots. I have occasionally met with hostility from the English when I lived there!
Im regularly asked by Scots I meet where I come from no hostility just friendly interest.

I get asked this in Wales. I’m English married to a Welsh man, we live in England but go to Wales to visit friends and family. It isn’t where have you come from today out of interest, it’s where were you born. There’s a difference.

I have been reminded of 2 friends with this thread.

1. He was in the RAF, as was his father, so even though the family is Scottish, my friend was born in a maternity hospital on the outskirts of Lincoln. The only time we hear his Scottish (Elgin) accent is when he speaks to his brother, who also no longer lives in Scotland. My friend anglicised his accent as he got so fed up of colleagues in the early 90’s pretending to not understand him as a “funny” (huh) form of racism. He’s now lived in my area longer than he lived in Scotland.
2. I worked with someone in 2015/16 who, judging purely by his appearance, had a variation of heritage from somewhere in the vicinity of the Indian subcontinent, but he would never confirm anything as he had lived in the town where we worked all his life. He would always say “Where do you think I’m from?”

I am always interested in people, and their various journeys before I meet them, but it is no one’s responsibility to tell us about their lives. Even if it makes me sad!!!

I have recalled that years ago, someone once told me "don't say you are half Chinese as it dehumanises you."
Because Chinese humans aren't human...?
So odd.

People are interested in people. I grew up in a port city. It doesn’t bother me.

I get asked this a lot. I don't mind, because:

A) I don't have the local accent from where I was born and brought up. I sound nothing like my family, so I'm not sure where that came from! The nearest that my university classmates could narrow it down to was, "Somewhere in the North, but not Liverpool or Newcastle". Apparently, I sound 'posh', and sometimes people do treat me better, or have expectations of me (e.g. "I bet you went to private schools").

B) I'm English but live in Wales, hence why I cannot discuss complex things with strangers in Welsh yet! (I'm learning, but it's tricky, and anyone who learnt it as a child was very lucky!). I know of other English people from who have moved here, and they usually ask whereabouts I'm from. Sometimes I ask them, if they have a particularly lovely accent.

I think that it's just part and parcel of general conversation and getting to know people. It's not on for people to treat you like rubbish, regardless of where you're from or what you sound like. Could you not just carry on from whatever you were talking about before the person asked you where you're "really from"?