Meditation - why does it not work well for me?

[Littlebluebunny]

I have struggled with mental health issues for most of my life (high anxiety, ocd, adhd). I do think it's the way I am built rather than anything major having occurred during my 53 years but still, I don't like how it often leaves me feeling.

I prefer to find more 'natural' ways to try to manage my issues as medication has adverse side effects for me.

I like gentle forms of exercise and relaxation and practise yoga and love that for the physical strength building and muscle stretching etc and I walk everywhere in nature to help ground me.

But I am still looking for something to relieve me of my over thinking angsty brain and so over many years I have tried various forms of meditation but I can never get to a place where I find it is works well for me - I have attended meditation sessions where everyone seems to be getting into a deep state of relaxation yet my brain is still wired, it's always listening out for every sound, feeling every ache, pain, sensation in my body and smelling all different smells in the vicinity (I have a very heightened sense of smell) and not matter how much I try to bring my mind back to the meditation it always wanders off.

For the last 2 years I have been using the Calm app every day as I wondered if being at home, in my own comfortable environment I may be able to practise the meditation deeper but again I just find my mind goes off to other places and I constantly have to draw it back to the matter in hand. Or the alternative is that I usually fall asleep so I do still use it as a sleeping aid.

What am I doing wrong? Practise makes perfect or so they say but I have been practising for ages now and not getting any major benefits from it.

I’ve tried endless CBT sessions over the years, never helped me.

I am lucky that I live semi rurally and I do get out with my dog every day for walks. I adore nature and it very much helps to ground me, I’d just hoped meditation would have had a deeper impact on my mental wellbeing.

It’s fine if your brain wanders off and thinks about random stuff and then you bring it back. The point of meditation is not emptying the mind, it’s the being able to bring it back. You’re doing it! You are just panicking that you’re doing it wrong and everyone else is doing something different.

That said, you may just need something different. I don’t think meditation is a solution to everyone’s problems (I find it kinda boring frankly). I’ve found breathwork (look up breathing space) and sound baths much more beneficial. Walking as meditation may also work or something with more movement like t’ai chi.

Have you tried a guided meditation while using a Shakti mat?
Works best for me, although I'm shite at meditation in other contexts!
Adhd, ocd & anxiety here too 🧘‍♀️

I so need to try something like that. There are sound bowl sessions in the next village, I believe.

When I was at my worst with stress, spiralling anxiety and intrusive thoughts, the only thing that switched it off was joining a choir. I had to concentrate on the words and the music, and there was no room in my head for anything else. I would go home singing and the effects lasted for a while afterwards.

Singing groups are great, shown to have an effect on the nervous system, and also help with building community.

Other than that, walking, journalling, and watching quiz shows

I have ADHD and can’t meditate either, I’m just not programmed that way. The best way I find to clear my mind is really active things where I don’t have to think about what I’m doing, like indoor cycle/spin classes. ADHD minds are different so we need to approach things differently

If you are hypervigilant i would suggest more of a body centred process because this will help your nervous system enforce messages of safety (80% is bottom up though we never think this) look up somatic body work or Feldenkrais techniques

I think some of us don’t have the ability to switch off easily so meditation doesn’t work. The thoughts are too loud so you need something to break through that. I’d recommend sound baths or viral beats, I haven’t tried it myself but there supposed to brilliant at giving the brain something to focus on and quieting the mind. Swimming is the only activity that’s switches my brain off.

Never worked for me - often made me feel worse or actually sick.

I tried tai chi during my masters and that was much better.

Yes, I think you are right.

Thank you, I will look into that.

In common with one PP I also chose Transcendental Meditation as it's the easiest to practice and fully takes account of the 'wandering' nature of the mind without fighting against it. The different techniques really are different and I believe it's most effective to go for this technique, which has a lot of research behind it and is very popular with 'monkey-minds' like myself.

That was supposed to say Binaural beats. 😂 For some of us things like mediation don’t work as there’s an absence of stimulation for which our brain compensates and fills the void. Whereas is you provide alternative stimulation be it music/exercise it can actually quiet the mind

I think it’s important to note within the yogic tradition the goal is Yogaś citta vṛtti nirodhaḥ - ceasing the fluctuations of the mind… that isn’t the same as “having an empty mind.” This impossible for most of us.

we also tend to find that most of us find it very difficult to drop into stillness. That is why we practice all limbs of yoga.

1. Asana (Physical Practice): Moving the body and focusing sensation which acts as a "moving meditation," anchoring the mind to the present moment and away from mental chatter.
2. Pranayama (Breathwork): Controlling the breath helps calm the nervous system, as the breath is directly linked to the mind's activity.
3. Dharana (Concentration): Using tools like mantras, gazing at a fixed point (Drishti), or focusing on the breath to train the mind to stay on one point.
4. Dhyana (Meditation): A state of uninterrupted, effortless focus that follows successful concentration.
5. Abhyāsa & Vairāgya (Practice & Detachment): Persistent effort in yoga practice (Abhyāsa) combined with non-attachment (Vairāgya) to the outcome.

it is a whole system…. It isn’t just expecting you to sit down with your eyes closed and make your mind blank.

for me I always practice asana then pranayama, pratyahara (withdrawl of senses) then gradually moved to dhyana (meditation).

When your thoughts are going crazy just let them go crazy. They don't define you. Don't follow them, just observe in a relaxed non judgemental, non opinionated way.
Trying to control thoughts is a conflict you don't want to have. When you're observing your thoughts notice that which is observing. It can't be your mind, because your mind is full of thought. So what is it?

I will look into it, thanks

The aim of mindfulness is not to switch off thoughts or feelings of pain but to notice them non-judgementally and let them go instead of holding on to them as often as they pop up.

That said, it’s not a fix-all and it won’t work for some people’s issues.

OP I should add that there are a lot of bogus Transcendental Meditation teachers who have 'gone rogue' and don't teach the technique as it's meant to be taught; often they entice people with promises of cheaper courses. The official site, where you can find a qualified teacher near you who will teach you and follow up properly, is here https://www.tm.org/en-gb

Are the things in your head welcome, or situations you want to move past, things you want to not take over your thoughts..?

Head trash clearance could be worth a go to get you closer to where you need to be relaxation wise (& helps with lots of other issues, depending if you want to look at any!)

https://www.headtrashclearance.com/