DD heartbreak

[thetinsoldier]

Dd (young adult) has been with her boyfriend for a couple of years, and they were living together. A month ago she got a text from an unknown woman saying she and DD’s bf had been ‘speaking’ online for a couple of months. Dd asked her bf if it was true. He said yes and she dumped him.

Since then he’s been so cold towards dd, as if all his feelings have been switched off. He’s like a totally different person. Not sorry for what he’s done at all. Then this week another woman messages dd to say she shagged DD’s bf back in December. WTF??

dd is hurt, angry, and in shock that she could have misjudged him so badly. He used to treat her so well and we thought he was a good person. Turns out he’s not.

What can I say to dd that will help her?

How could he have behaved like this?

And I’m very tempted to message him and tell him just what I think of him. Bad idea?

Has she spoken to the Agent/Landlord herself?

She needs to be sure of the tenancy term and agreement end date. She can unilaterally end the tenancy with the agreed notice at the right time

If it is a longer tenancy She can discuss with the agent/landlord what happens when the law changes, May 1st ( its relatively easy to look up) and see if she can end it sooner

That way she can tell him that if he doesn't get it sorted prior to XX date she will be ending the tenancy for them both

She can gain a little bit of control and not have her finances left at his mercy

@thetinsoldier I don't understand your surprise when you say "Since then he’s been so cold towards dd, as if all his feelings have been switched off. He’s like a totally different person." I mean, he's been shagging other women, he got caught out and he's clearly a total bastard. Then she dumped him. I'm not sure why you'd expect him to be warm and friendly towards your dd?

Why can’t she take herself off the tenancy? Can she not give notice now?
If these other women are contacting her (how did they get her number) then they’ve figured out he’s bad news.
Thank goodness she didn’t try to make excuses for him and stay with him!

Has she had STI test?

Be there for her. My ex was an arsehole who destroyed my mental health. Years later I had moved on and my mum saw him on Facebook with a girlfriend and a caption about how pretty she was. My mum commented ‘no she isn’t, you’ve had better’

No. He’s just been a total bastard to dd - no apologising for cheating, no care for her feelings. Totally unlike what we knew of him and how he has acted in the past.

Not an issue, but thank you

They found her on Instagram, via his instagram

Not sure about the tenancy. Will find out.

Because it goes unlike the way he’s acted for the past 2 years!

Good advice, thank you. I didn’t know about the law change.

Please don’t contact him. My parents did that, many, many years ago: it was mortifying at an already difficult time and still makes me cringe now! Even for teen DC under 18 it’s an inappropriate and unhelpful thing to do.

If there were no red flags missed then she’s got nothing to feel bad about for simply trusting him.

Her best bet now is no contact with him except to get any stuff she needs and practicalities like the tenancy. She should prepare for him to be a dick about that too. She should contact the landlord directly about the tenancy, even if it doesn’t change her personal liability.

She should contact the letting agency and inform them of the change of circumstsnces

Fair enough! Message received.

This. Same thing happened to my DD. She’ll get over it. Stay out of it.

If the tenancy thing hits the fan (unlikely) you could offer to pay for legal advice.

Other than that, it’s best not to get involved other than always to be available for a chat.

You can help your daughter by staying out of her business. If she tells you something that’s one thing. You going and talking to the boyfriend is completely another.

Shes already done the right thing - dumped him. She didn’t misjudge him - he made a choice to cheat on someone. None of this is on her.

What you could do is question why she is still talking to someone she’s dumped and has clearly cheated on her. No need for any further communication really once all her stuff is out of a mutual living space. If she hasn’t moved out yet, question that. Best for a clean break.

Be proud that she binned him. Same thing pretty much happened to me as a 23 year old. I met the love of my life not long after, happily married with two lovely children. I found the best revenge was completely ignoring the ex, he was gutted after he realised what he’d done and sent an email telling me he’d always love me… f* off mate. Felt really smug deleting it and never replying. He had done the same, turned cold and very unlike the guy I knew but I am glad I found out then before it dragged on for much longer.

She’s only communicating with him to sort out final financial arrangements re the flat and money he owes her.

She needs to contact the landlord herself.

Call him…. !!!! I would have that was my DD!

This wasn’t just a BF, he was part of your family, they have a house together, too many me get away with this kind of stuff and don’t have to face any consequences!

My ex was an emotional abuser, I went to Australia to get away from him and even while I was there he was still controlling me…. He told me he would kill himself if I didn’t wait for him, my mum found out and called him work.

Guess what….. the whole time he had a new GF and was cracking on with his life.

Call him, write a letter, send a Text whatever you need to do to show your DD you’re supporting her!!!

Oh yeah question the woman’s actions and not the man’s!!!!! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄