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Original poster

How much contact do people realistically keep with old school friends?

76 replies

GirouxSein · 30/12/2025 01:42

I bumped into someone I was very close to at school and it was friendly but slightly awkward. We did the whole “we should meet up sometime” thing and then nothing really came of it.
It got me thinking about how many people actually stay in touch with school friends long term. I’ve drifted from most of mine and sometimes wonder if that’s normal or if I’ve just let things slide too much.

OP posts:

Missey85 · 30/12/2025 13:34

I'm 40 and still best friends with a girl I met in year7 💜💜💜 if their a good friend you make the effort and stay in touch 😊

Berlinlover · 30/12/2025 13:38

I’m not in touch with anyone from school. Like a PP I also never found my tribe in school and the friends I have now I met through work.

ExquisiteDressing · 30/12/2025 13:39

Mine are college not school but we are still very good friends in our late 50s. About 7 of us plus partners (everyone has stayed with one partner long term). Meet all of us together a couple of times a year, smaller groups / singles / couples meet more often and we all talk regularly by whatsapp.

Oleenaste · 30/12/2025 13:41

I'm mid 40s and I have no contact with anyone from school. I did have a bit of contact with a couple of secondary school friends into adulthood but it fizzled out when I was about 30. DH and my siblings don't have contact with their school friends either (all aged 40-50). We all grew up and went to school in London and we still live in London, under 2 miles from the schools. But London is so big and transient that you still won't run into people randomly even if you both walk the same roads regularly.

I see no particular reason to stay in contact with people just because you went to school with them. You might have nothing in common with them, except for the fact your parents decided to live in a certain area a long time ago.

Tooty78 · 30/12/2025 13:41

I meet up with 3 friends of 60 years once a month, we met at comp and have remained friends through hatches, matches and dispatches ! Sadly one of our group died last year, and it still hits hard that there is an empty place now.
They are the best, and always look forward to seeing them.

HurlieBurlie · 30/12/2025 13:42

In touch with college friends but only through Facebook. If It wasn’t for Facebook book I probably never would hear from any of them again . I once saw an old school friend after 40 years on the roadside near St Ives when I was going in the opposite direction. How random was that .

PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2025 13:47

I’m 56 and I would say I have 3 close friends from primary and secondary school who I meet up with about 3 x a year, plus four much less close friends, more Facebook only/visit once a decade type contact.

itsthetea · 30/12/2025 13:53

5 of us meet up a few times a year as a group and a few other smaller meetings - we live within a few hours of each other. I think we all felt a bit odd ball for different reasons at school.

no primary school , university or work friends

Jellybunny56 · 30/12/2025 13:55

I think it depends whether they are just old school friends or are your actual friends.

My friendship group now is still mostly people I went to school with and we’ve known each other from being toddlers, they’re some of my closest friends and we still speak daily/most days, see each other most weeks, lots of us now have children the same age and so meet up a lot etc.

But I also have people I knew from school who I say hello to and chat to if I bump into them in the cafe/out and about, but would never arrange to meet up specifically with them.

pinkspeakers · 30/12/2025 14:02

I didnt have contact with any of my secondary school friends beyond the first couple of years of university. I had one primary/early secondary friend that I stayed in touch with (just about) until about 10 years ago.

But I realise that isn't usual! I just didnt have many good secondary school friends really. I have lots of friends from the years since!

Amberkitten7654321 · 30/12/2025 14:02

none From primary, but I left in year 4 to go elsewhere. I message 2 friends from secondary school daily and we see each other many times a year with families including going on holiday. One other from secondary school I still count as one of best friends too. My uni friends I speak to one weekly and meet up as a group probably 3/4 times a year. I feel very lucky but I would say I’ve almost struggled to make friends later in life as I feel so fulfilled by those I have already and no one else matches up! But I would like some more local friends for seeing day to day.

MCF86 · 30/12/2025 14:42

in my 40s and my closest friends are people I went to school with. it's people I thought became friends at work that drifted as jobs changed.

LeeshaPaper · 30/12/2025 14:45

One is my best friend.
Three still close friends.
One more part of the group but I wouldn't meet her just the two of us
One I bump into occasionally and we would meet up more if we had less busy lives/lived nearer.

So ... Six

Motheranddaughter · 30/12/2025 14:47

In my 50s ,see my school friends around once a month
We all went to Thailand when we were 50 and NYC when we were 55

snowgirl1 · 30/12/2025 14:49

I'm in my mid-50s and am still in touch with a friend I meet when I was 11 at senior school. A couple of times a year, we meet up with friends we met at sixth-form.

Teenagerantruns · 30/12/2025 14:50

I left school school 40 year ago. In touch with a few pe2ople on facebook, we have a watsapp group with more in, had a few reunions which were fun. Was a small school so only 2 classes in each year so about 50 people in total.

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/12/2025 14:57

I’m 55 and moved 250+ miles away when I left for uni (and that’s actually the closest I’ve lived since then to where I grew up as I’ve also been living overseas on and off) but I’m still very close to my childhood best friend. In fact I messaged her just this morning (and every day for the last week or so) and visited her at home on Christmas Eve. There’s something really lovely about being close friends with someone for 50 years. We know each other inside out and even if our lives these days are very different, our friendship still works wonderfully.

Actually, her aunt was good friends with one of my (older than me) cousins at primary school (we only discovered this very recently!) and this Christmas I’ve been able to put them back in touch with each other and they’re both excited to be meeting up for the first time in many decades.

Tonight I’m going round to a friend from uni for dinner. We’ve ‘only’ been friends for 35 years so she’s more of a ‘new’ friend compared to my 50 years friendship above. 😂

PhantomAfternoonTea · 30/12/2025 15:01

Three of my best friends to this day (I'm 45) are people I met in primary school. I meet up with two of them every couple of months. The other one lives further away so I see her about once a year.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2025 15:33

there's a group of 6 of us from high school, only I still live locally but they all have parents still local and social media / messenger etc have certainly helped. we go through phases of how often we see each other and it varies within the group but we make a point of an annual weekend away

zingally · 30/12/2025 15:39

I'm still best friends with my best friend from sixth form.
We were friends at primary school, but went to different secondaries and lost contact.
Ended up at the same sixth form and have been inseparable ever since. She's my soul sister.

Everyone else it's social media contact only. Even the people I considered my best friends, I could now only very broadly tell you where they live or what they do for a living.
In fact, two of my very closest friends from secondary school, I haven't had any contact at all with for the better part of 20 years.

skoosh · 30/12/2025 15:42

I don't at all to be honest, I grew up on a very rough area and got out and never went back, my family also moved away so no need to visit. In my final year at university when back home for Christmas before my parents also moved, I did bump into a girl I'd known at School and she insisted we meet for a drink, I went and it was so depressing, it was in a local pub and so many of the people I'd known at School were there, all drinking, smoking fags and dope, some were using drugs, all had tales of woe and misery. No thanks.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 30/12/2025 15:42

One of my best friends is from school, we met at age 11 so 48 years ago. My husband's best man at our wedding was someone he met at infant school!

BradPittsLeftArmpit · 30/12/2025 20:23

Half of my friendship circle are people I went to school with, and half of that half are from primary school - 52 years ago

whatsit84 · 30/12/2025 20:28

Lots, more than my uni friends. I think it depends how many people move and where you all end up as to who you are closest to? I’m 41 and met my oldest friend as babies and my second oldest friend aged 3. Plenty of others I’ve known since the start of secondary school. But I live up north, about 30-40 mins from where I went to school. If I’d have moved to London, I suspect I’d have ended up with a different bias. Also when people have kids can be a contributing factor.

plantastic · 30/12/2025 20:37

I moved a long way away for university and then away again for work (moving away being quite unusual where I'm from). Some of my time at secondary was a bit rough with bullying as well which doesn't help. I'm still very close to one friend from secondary and we see each other a few times a year even though there are 300 miles in it. A couple of others wound up in the same large city and we saw each other a bit in our 20s and it then petered out. I'm only in sporadic social media contact with my best friend from school which I'm a bit sad about but she got married very young and both distance and having nothing in common for 15 years put that wedge in.

I think if you stayed or returned to nearer home it's probably different? My sibling still lives locally and has the same core group of friends they had at secondary school.

My mum is still very close to three of her school friends in her mid 60s, despite them living in no proximity for years.

I have a theory you generally keep one or two good friends from each key life stage.

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