Avoiding Seeming Aggressive towards Colleague

[Sasgatchewyn]

My colleague, 'Lucy', and I don't get along very well and I'd appreciate advice on how I can essentially block out her chat etc, without seeming aggressive.

She's new to the job, young, very eager, bubbling with enthusiasm. She lives for the job and works all hours (no partner or children), socialising with colleagues outside of work. She is in awe of senior managers (arse licks at all opportunities) and often tells people that she's aiming to be CEO one day. All harmless. HOWEVER, she does have a tendency to put others down to try to progress. She likes to damn colleagues' work with faint praise and is a drama queen if she thinks someone has made even a tiny error.

I'm the opposite. We're like the Odd Couple. I'm older, have been working in this field for a few years, am relatively cynical, have children and am not inclined to work during weekends etc. I'm good at my job, but am not interested in climbing the ladder.

Unfortunately, we sit next to each other in the office and 'Lucy' is a chatter. I'm due back at work next week and I'm dreading her OTT enthusiasm and adoration of the senior managers. How can I block her out without seeming aggressive? I've tried ear buds, but she just speaks more loudly to me: "WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?!" etc.

Our boss also dislikes Lucy and is aware of her attempts at undermining others (I found this out by accident). This doesn't really help me deal with her day to day though! I feel that Lucy brings out the worst cynic in me.

Any tips would be very gratefully received. Thank you.

Christ, I feel sorry for this poor young woman.

It seems like a lot of people including the manager are stabbing her in the back.

All she wants to do is get on and make a success of herself, which will be hard enough being young and female without all this criticism.

I hope she remembers this when she's a senior manager and does her best to put a stop to it.

Lucy, however posts things like "No one else at the breakfast briefing? Come on guys!" knowing full well that we're all busy with said kids and dogs at 7.30am, and we wouldn't go anyway! It's just sitting and watching the CFO talk on Zoom and we can watch the recording at any time. Lucy likes to send the CFO a nauseating "Fascinating briefing..." email during the talk.

This type of carry on knocks me ill. She sounds like a total saddo so I’d probably take a sympathetic approach but still be very wary. The tiny tears act she pulled on you is completely unhinged and manipulative so tread carefully.

Lucy, however posts things like "No one else at the breakfast briefing? Come on guys!"

this would grind my gears so so much. I’m with you OP

Don't be more like her he's an idiot and will learn.

Instead weaponise the flawed values of her generation.

If she is upset you humiliated her then you are upset that she doesn't respect or respond sensitively to your neurodivergence.

If she asks what you are doing she is disrespecting your need for a psychological safety space.

Etc

These kinds of emotional over-investers, they always end up behaving unprofessionally because they are not mature enough to realise it s just a job. You just need to grey rock in the meantime.

For the interruptions, mention to your manager that you feel that the atmosphere in the shared office is a bit too dissipated, ask if it would be possible to send a reminder to everyone to be mindful of other people s needs to focus on their tasks etc. Don t mention any names, but if your LM is smart, they will get you loud and clear. This way, you can hide behind office policy, and maybe her arse licking mindset will go all in with the new guidelines and pipe it down.

I would also try to minimise f2f communication and use email instead if possible. Anything she asks or says, get into the habit of saying with a big smile that it s all oh so very interesting but that it s better if you reply fully by email. This way, you won't say more than you want to, you minimise disruption, and you document all your efforts.

I'd just tell her straight I'm not chatting while I'm working and also it's been noted around the office that you are going out of your way to put people down and it's not making you very popular.
But then again I'm 64 and no longer give a shit about being nice to idiots.

Do you have a feedback system in your performance framework or could you actually talk to her about this? It’s fair feedback and she needs it if she genuinely wants to progress.

Is there anyway to speak with the manager due to her reaction over this non-event? Say you don’t feel comfortable training someone who misinterprets professional situations like this and that you don’t want to expose yourself to any allegations?
It’s backing up backing off with evidence.

It’s a means of legitimacy - adopting the norms and myths of the workplace to gain the conferred status. It would be a culture clash in my workplace to openly diminish your colleagues but otherwise they’d lap it up. Depending on your culture you may want to give her a subtle cue on this element, but otherwise just wish her well. Her choices are no less valid than yours and you’d lose a lot of resentment if you appreciated that.

STFU Lucy !

Her choices are no less valid than yours and you’d lose a lot of resentment if you appreciated that.

Huh??? Maybe in a therapy session or a parent child relationship that might be a truism but in a professional environment where competency and mastery and experience are valued that just comes off as something the internet once said in a meme.

If someone like that was on my team there would have been words by now. Especially if she's being a dickhead about breakfast meetings when people have kids.

Can you give examples of how she backstabs?

So far she just seems irritatingly over enthusiastic. I had a trainee like this once, it was my professional duty to help her understand the rules of engagement in her case it was unreasonable to expect to have an hour long 1:1 with me everyday and that she needed to tone down the monologues about herself when meeting with colleagues.

This was a couple of years ago and she’s now thriving at a super competitive American MNC.

She says "Are you ok? Has something gone wrong?".

You don't look up and make eye contact with her, you carry on looking at paperwork or your screen, and just hold up one finger in the 'I'll be with you in a moment' fashion. Then you finish what you are doing, down tools and then say "Sorry, I was concentrating - what was it you wanted again?". She'll then know that 'the something gone wrong' was that she interrupted you.

And re kids has anyone actually told her that you don’t join live because of DC but you listen later. That kids require juggling and 7:30 is not a convenient hour for parents is the sort of thing that young childless women who imagine they’ll be CEO often need to be told.

although in fairness to Lucy I bet plenty of ambitious male colleagues are making the briefings

Lucy’s a fucking twat

I’d be a bit concerned about the overreaction to the training OP and I’d follow the advice from SingtotheCat

Other than that I’d be carefully polite but firm if she interrupts, along the lines of “sorry I’m just in the middle of something , do you want to have a catch up at about 11?”

I used to work with a woman who made it very clear that she was not interested in small talk. She came to work to do a job. Beyond good morning/goodbye she was quite taciturn and responded to conversational attempts with one word answers. Very much grey rock before that trendy phrase was ever heard of. Not rude but not warm either. People soon realised that Rita did not want to chat or be socialble. However if someone needed help with a task she was always wiling to share her knowledge. She saw that as part of the job to make sure things got done.

I would have a tactful word with the boss. If colleague is being disruptive its up to the manager to deal with the situation and put in place some ground rules.

Will you be following an agreed induction/training programme during January?
I'd want something clearly defined, requiring sign off by both of you as, otherwise she will use this opportunity to either end up blaming you for not showing her something or pull the tears trick again

This

I have no advice but you have my deepest sympathies. I’ve never been able to relate to people whose entire identity is their job - even before kids. Only thing we can hope is that she’ll get burnt by the corporate world and she’ll realise (as we all do) that she’s just a number.

Sometimes I forget and I have to remind myself, but generally if someone annoys you they annoy others and it rubs people up the wrong way. Managers will always prefer peacekeepers and hard workers, disrupters, difficult or annoying will always falter, just give it time it always ends up the same. Except for the rare annoying idiot that snakes their way.

trust in the process that they will come a cropper and keep your head down. Just give it time.

On the plus side, she’ll probably move on as soon as she can! If seniors lap it up then who knows, a few opportunities and she could be leading your area one day though…I’m not sure you can do much differently, but as she will hate being in the position of trainee it might be sensible to throw in some flattery, ‘oh I’ll show you this but I know you’ll pick it up quickly’ that kind of thing. A pain but possibly a good way of ‘managing’ her.

I think that there comes a point where her behaviour needs to be raised with your manager. As it is affecting your ability to work, and you can express it as wanting to do a good job.

Try one more time to get her to give you peace and quiet when you need it.

Good tips there - I work with a male version of your colleague you’ve described. I’m going to follow those suggestions because my nervous tic is back thinking about return to the office next week.

It’s those toxic disparaging comments that bring down the atmosphere and I can’t face that going into 2026.