Elderly mum has broken her hip, elderly dad can’t live independently, what next?

[BatForCat]

Need a bit of a handhold and some advice.

My mum has just been blue lighted to hospital with a suspected fractured hip. My dad is in his 80s and is in failing health and can’t live independently. He has very limited mobility and a whole plethora of heart problems and other issues.

Thankfully, I live very close by, but for a whole range of reasons I can’t stay with my dad (hoarding house conditions, nowhere for me to sleep among other things). My dad could stay with us in theory, but our house is unsuitable due to steps to bathrooms and bedrooms, and he is very stubborn and will insist on staying at his own house.

Unfortunately, despite his independence, he really is in failing health and can’t really be left alone for any amount of time.

Not sure what I’m asking really, just wanted to get my thoughts down. My dad is currently at my house as we wait for news on my mum, but is insisting on being brought back home later this morning.

Hi OP, sorry to hear you’re dealing with all this, especially just before Christmas. I agree with others that asking for an emergency Adult Social Care assessment would be a very good idea.

Unfortunately a broken hip in the elderly is not something they recover from quickly, and I’ll be honest it’s something they sometimes don’t recover from at all, especially if there is any associated internal bleeding, so setting the wheels in motion now re help for your Dad will probably save you a lot of stress, whatever happens. Wishing you all the best.

Hi @BatForCat just wondering how things are going. Worried about a similar problem within our family. So looking for recent experience.

My MIL resisted residential care for years with increasingly failing health/falls/strokes.
Finally agreed to respite and was truly warm, clean, properly fed and happily occupied for the first time in a long while.
She passed quietly one night, nearly two weeks later. It felt that, happy, she’d given herself permission to go.

Contact emergency social worker via your local council . They may be able to put a care package in for him as an emergency. Your mum will probably need carers for a few weeks after she gets home anyway .
if they are no help try contacting your local carers centre . They may be able to recommend a local carers agency who can put some temporary care in for your dad until your mum is fit again . Obviously there would be a charge for this if you are willing to pay. It could relieve some of the stress you are under . Hope they are both ok .

Get them both an SOS wristband/lanyard, which they can press for help if they ve fallen etc.

Consider what tech could help, cameras connected to your phone, movement activated cameras, baby monitors etc.

Home help.

Skip to decluttering the house.

Meals on wheels

Contact adult social services. They will assess and decide if he needs support. Bear in mind, if he refuses and has capacity (knows the risks of staying alone) he can’t be forced into accepting support. Telecare/lifelines/assistive technology are also good to have in place.

Elderly people don't get over hip fractures very easily unfortunately and I'm sorry to say this but the mortality rate is quite high. I think you do need to think long term about care for both your parents. Speak to the staff at the hospital where your mum is, and tell them the situation, they have physios/OTs etc who can advise. They usually want to know the situation at home anyway, for discharge planning. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Availability depends on location. Many councils have reduced or stopped services due to budget cuts.

heads up... the house will have to be sorted and safe for her to be discharged home... she's at risk of falls if theres hoarding...

I'm sorry you're going through this and don't have advice but am following as I am currently living in fear of a very similar situation occurring.

step mum dementia in hospital bed at home carers 4 times a day for her
dad being discharged today into a hospital bed at home
dad can’t toilet himself broken hip
weve all said we will try and cover
dad has carers in 4 times a day for a little period of time
i’m terrified of my 2 nights with dad because i dont want to move him wrongly or hold him in the wrong place

its just not feasible for the next 3 years or so is it
my sister is running herslef. ragged trying to do everything
i’m 3 hours away

they both need a resid home but of course that isnt feasible as they both have bloody capacity and they just lie to the health visitors lie to the assesors

Ive said something has got to give it just isnt feasible for the long term
no help anywhere nothing nada nothing nothing nothing

adult social services have NO budget and are stretched so thin theres nothing

By law, they can’t refuse a care needs assessment and have to provide services if there are eligible needs under the Care Act. He would be financially assessed for these services.

This thread is quite old so I’m sure circumstances have moved on now.