Anyone with a late age ADHD diagnosis? I thought it would finally complete me but I'm as lost as ever

[Fireflies73]

I have felt really flat since my diagnosis and wonder how people with late diagnosis move forward afterwards? Do you just shelve it and carry on regardless? What did you do?

I've struggled with many aspects of my mental and physical health for years, since childhood. I have always felt my brain functions differently from those around me but had to try and accept that it was simply because I am a very anxious, highly sensitive and melancholic type of person with a seemingly poorer mental health than those around me.

Despite decades of counselling sessions, doctors consultations and seeking help for my various anxieties, ocd, over thinking and general exhaustion from my constantly 'on' brain, nothing ever helped ease things for me. I just had to somehow live with it.

But several years ago my dd started sending me clips from people on SM platforms explaining their ADHD traits and she would say 'This is you mum, this is exactly how you are'. I would start watching them and then looking into it a bit more and further still (until it became obsessional) and for the first time things made sense. I felt there were people out there just like me, people who would understand because their brains functioned just like mine.

So I went to the GP and asked for an assessment. She tried putting me off stating the NHS waiting list was very long and prescribed me yet another antidepressant. I walked away totally deflated but then discovered Right to Choose and so went down that rabbit hole path. Due to a total cock up with my surgery where they firstly 'forgot' to send the referral then sent it to the wrong ADHD company, I ended up waiting almost 3 years for my assessment.

Due to the long wait I had talked myself out of the possibility that I may be neurodiverse all along and just someone with mental health issues which will always consume me. However, I did eventually get an assessment in March this year (at the age of 52). The assessor said she was absolutely confident I have inattentive ADHD and scored very highly during the assessment. I came away from the assessment feeling as though everything suddenly made sense in my life and this was the start of the 'new' me but also a sadness that this was never picked despite decades of struggling and asking for help.

However, that euphoria lasted all of a few days. The medication has not helped me at all because the side effects were just too much for me to handle (I have some chronic health issues which were greatly exacerbated by the meds). I now feel as flat as ever and feel that maybe going through the long wait, the high anticipation and the stress of the assessment was probably not worth this feeling of 'What was the point in all of that stress?' which now constantly lives in my head. Also not helped by the fact that the very few people I have confided in regarding my diagnosis have all had this kind of 'Oh god, not another one' eye-roll response (all neurotypical btw).

I don't really know what on earth I was expecting from a diagnosis tbh, I thought it would be revealed as some kind of missing piece of the puzzle that I have been searching for all my life. I still feel very incomplete though, still have no idea why my brain works a certain way when others around me seem to go through life organised, put together, stoic and mentally capable and stable.

Eight months on and I am back to square one. Still ditzy and scatter-brained, still on turbo mode mentally, emotionally and physically and chasing things in life which I know are not going to bring me joy or the peace I so crave. I can't afford any kind of private adhd counselling or acceptance therapy so I just need to carry on as pre-diagnosis I suppose?

I know that I probably need to find acceptance and be kinder to myself but for me ADHD isn't the funny, crazy and kooky thing all those on SM like to make it out. The way my brain is wired has been a real hindrance to me, throughout my life.

If you are late diagnosed what has the diagnosis done for you? Has it changed anything?

I am trying meditation, I have th Calm app. I used their sleep stories every night to get to sleep, I find they help drown out my constant inner chatter. I keep trying the meditations but I either zone out and lose concentration or fall asleep. It's a work in progress atm but I'm determined to keep at it.

I don't think it matters if you zone out or lose concentration. That seems to happen to everyone to some extent. You just need to learn to bring your mind back again when you notice that it's wandered - without judgement. Just observe what the mind does and don't try to control it.

And if you fall asleep? You probably needed the rest!

Ha. I was considering creating a thread about recently diagnosed neurodiverse adults when I saw this thread.
I just got my results today. The autism I was expecting (the reason I sought assessment) but the ADHD (innatentive) was a surprise.
Everything was done privately and not in the UK either, and while it feels great to finally know that yes, my ARFID isn't fussiness, there's a reason my empathy isn't quite up to my peers, I'm not making up my hypersensitivity, I am also quietly raging at all the professionals that saw me through my childhood and teen hood and said nothing.
My own reasons for seeking assessment: therapists at 3, psychiatrists at 8, mental breakdown at 14 and ever since, if my own lay mind (albeit with a scientific uni course) twigged it didn't seem like quite the normal anxiety presentation, why didn't the pros? I would beg for a diagnosis and they would go "oh, labels aren't useful". Yes it frigging is! Maybe therapy will finally work!
This turned more into a rant, sorry. I hope the new medication works better for you - I will need to discuss with my psychiatrist whether they're worth trying, as I tried Ritalin in the past and did awfully (massive panic attacks!) and ultimately am in a job that doesn't demand too much precise attention as everything is written down so I can read and re-read as often as necessary. Nothing like those 4 hour long uni lectures - those were painful to go through.

Hello! My partner went through diagnosis and treatment not long ago. It’s a rough road as an adult.

Finally naming the underlying issue is I’m sure a relief, but it’s not treatment. As others have said, it’s worth trying all the available meds to see if you can find one that a) works and b) is tolerable. And all the meds come with an advisory to get therapeutic support as well - to help with coping strategies and self acceptance - so really worth looking into if you can afford it. I know it’s frustrating that this isn’t offered alongside titration - often adhd people set up affordable or free peer support networks, might there be anything like that near you?

Also, another shout out for meditation. I believe there’s a fair amount of research proving it’s beneficial for adhd peeps (and everyone of course!). You might just need to find the right sort that works for you. My partner does a chanting meditation that helps him override the ‘noise’ in his head better than silent meditation does for instance.

Similar position, diagnosed a few years ago in late 40s, medication didn’t work for me either. Later found out also autistic.

When though a similar euphoria period then down in the dumps again when meds didn’t work and I realised that basically there was no help/support for me from state.

Anyway, with time I have found that there are ways that `I can help and support myself:

1. I did a lot of trial and error with different supplements. I have found some which work for me, in a subtle but cumulative way. They aren’t a magic wand but they do make things just a bit easier. I suspect everyone is a little bit different in terms of which ones work for the,, so it’s worth doing your own trial and error process rather than just replicating what someone else uses
2. Slowly building self care routines and household systems. Again, takes time, trial and error but over time they have transformed how much of day to life I can handle.
3. I saw an ADHD doctor online say some thing long the lines of “people with ADHD do learn and form habits, it just takes longer and more repetitions for that to happen than for others- something like 40% more”. And that really helped me, I am just more patient with myself and I get there.

Similar position, diagnosed a few years ago in late 40s, medication didn’t work for me either. Later found out also autistic.

When though a similar euphoria period then down in the dumps again when meds didn’t work and I realised that basically there was no help/support for me from state.

Anyway, with time I have found that there are ways that `I can help and support myself:

1. I did a lot of trial and error with different supplements. I have found some which work for me, in a subtle but cumulative way. They aren’t a magic wand but they do make things just a bit easier. I suspect everyone is a little bit different in terms of which ones work for the,, so it’s worth doing your own trial and error process rather than just replicating what someone else uses
2. Slowly building self care routines and household systems. Again, takes time, trial and error but over time they have transformed how much of day to life I can handle.
3. I saw an ADHD doctor online say some thing long the lines of “people with ADHD do learn and form habits, it just takes longer and more repetitions for that to happen than for others- something like 40% more”. And that really helped me, I am just more patient with myself and I get there.

Similar position, diagnosed a few years ago in late 40s, medication didn’t work for me either. Later found out also autistic.

When though a similar euphoria period then down in the dumps again when meds didn’t work and I realised that basically there was no help/support for me from state.

Anyway, with time I have found that there are ways that `I can help and support myself:

1. I did a lot of trial and error with different supplements. I have found some which work for me, in a subtle but cumulative way. They aren’t a magic wand but they do make things just a bit easier. I suspect everyone is a little bit different in terms of which ones work for the,, so it’s worth doing your own trial and error process rather than just replicating what someone else uses
2. Slowly building self care routines and household systems. Again, takes time, trial and error but over time they have transformed how much of day to life I can handle.
3. I saw an ADHD doctor online say some thing long the lines of “people with ADHD do learn and form habits, it just takes longer and more repetitions for that to happen than for others- something like 40% more”. And that really helped me, I am just more patient with myself and I get there.

I run children's books all night on Audible through my phone to help me sleep. If I wake up, I listen to the soothing story until I fall back to sleep again - this is what works for me, it stops my mind from 'latching on' to any worries. I'm almost word-for-word on all the Enid Blyton school stories now though...

And my diagnosis has meant that I don't get so angry at myself any more. I used to think that I was inept (can't read instructions and follow them) or careless (you should just SEE my tax return! Last year I filed the figure in completely the wrong column even whilst saying to myself "make sure you look at THIS number, this one, right here...") I can take a deep breath and think, 'ok, you screwed up but it's fixable' rather than storm around shouting about what a useless cow I am.

I had some gut issues but they settled in a week or two. The gut is a microbiome so anything is going to cause a reaction until it adjusts.

I'm on quick release methylphenidate as it gives me the most control over it. Have inattentive adhd.

Non stimulants may be worth a try.

The only other thing that I found that ever comes close to adhd meds is strength training. Its the proproceptive stimulatuon and the focus that it requires, its impossible for the brain to be distrated when lifting a 10kg dumbell etc. Also lifting weights increases expression of bdnf growth factor thought to be responsible for memory and learning.

There's also certain anti depressants that help with focus and motivation which my adhd psychiatrist told me about. These are escitalopram and vortioxetine.

There's also some evidence that a Mediterranean diet helps adhd symptoms, according to me adhd psychiatrist.

I was diagnosed a few years ago and am also autistic. I find high intensity exercise, (aware that not everyone can do this) good sleep and a high protein diet help me to feel regulated. I was offered medication but at the moment have opted not to take it. My psychiatrist prescribed pregabalin though, which has definitely dulled the racing intrusive catastrophising thoughts and fight or flight response which had become debilitating.

I felt initial euphoria when diagnosed, which quickly turned into anger and deep sadness. I have mostly come to terms with it all now I am a few years down the line, and the best thing to come out of it is that I am MUCH kinder to myself and work within my limitations. I do far less than I used to and spend a lot of time alone. It's a tough road when you find out in your 40s.

I've heard that ADHD specific coaching can be good which I may look into at some point.

I have been prescribed Escitalopram but I've been too scared to take it incase it upsets my IBS like the other meds have although it's only 5mg and my GP has said today that I could go in very low and cut them in half for the first few weeks, so I may try that.

I started on a low dose, think mine was 10mg and I cut it to 5mg. I took it on a Friday so I had a quiet weekend at home to adjust with no plans. Then stayed at same dose for a week. If I had my period I stayed at that dose for a further week.

I don’t have a diagnosis, but I used Right to Choose and am having an assessment hopefully within the next 6-8 weeks. My DD has ADHD and I strongly suspect my Mum did too (now deceased so too late to have that conversation). Her brother is diagnosed. I relate to SO much of what has been written here. I will await the assessment but I’ll be very surprised if I don’t have it.

Meditation is great but I don’t do well at sitting still so yoga is my meditation (and exercise in general really). All the time I am moving my body, my brain is a lot quieter. It’s focussing on the movement so it can’t go veering off or catastrophising. I really REALLY like white noise. I’ll listen to it if I’m stressed or anxious but also listen to it just when my brain is super busy. It switches off some of the noise.

OP if you can’t find the right meds for you, would you consider microdosing? 🍄

I am quite keen to explore that avenue as I gather there is some evidence now emerging that microdosing psilocybin can be very effective in managing ADHD (as well as other conditions including PTSD, anxiety and depression).

Good luck with the assessment, I hope all goes well.

I have looked in to microdosing psilocybin quite a bit and I know that many people say it has changed their lives but I am really scared that I may end up on some weird, spaced out long lasting trip. I suffer from false awakening dreams regularly and they freak me out, they leave me feeling weird and trippy, the thought of being locked into a trip terrifies me lol!

Wow! Where do you get these “mushrooms”?

The first thing I would do is try to find a way to connect with other people who have ADHD, IRL if possible. For example look for a local adults' self help or support group. Or ask around to see if you know anyone who has also been diagnosed.

Secondly I like Dr. Russell Barkley's four-pillar model for ADHD management.

• Diagnosis (and figuring out if there are any co-occurring conditions)
• Medication
• Education
• Accommodation

You can swap the education and medication steps.

Basically learning as much about ADHD and how it affects people vs the "typical" way the brain works. Through doing this you gain an understanding and can be less harsh on yourself and you also start to naturally make some changes e.g. if you know you won't remember apppointments, you can start to make sure to write them down.

Medication is worth trying if you have access.

The accommodation step is about changing your environment/expectations to work with the brain you have, rather than thinking you need to be just like everyone else.

A diagnosis only gives information. It’s useful information often.
Maybe you could use it as a jumping off point to have a bit more compassion for yourself? I now know I’m not stupid, scatty or lazy. It’s the adhd.
Upping my protein helps me - I don’t know if this is possible with your gastro issues but maybe it is? For sure eating less processed foods does make a difference to my adhd but it also fluctuates with my cycle.
Do go back and try a different medication. Maybe a twice a day one? They are a few different ones out there.

I don't take medication and try and stay away from alcohol. I'm 60. But I do try and think in terms of dopamine hits from other sources; nature, colours, textures, smells, hot and cold (I walk in the garden first thing barefoot) I'm rubbish at sport or high octane exercise and I tire easily doing things like mowing or gardening but I can walk the dog long distances and carry shopping bags and spend hours just staring at the garden. I force myself to do little dopamine hits throughout the day, a bit of tidying or reading something interesting, a poem from an actual book is good. Just building habits of concentration.

The main thing that possible diagnosis brings is that it's not an excuse to behave badly or be hopeless more an invitation to moderate your goals and streamline your assets.

Also coffee and tea really helps me. I think caffeine is a natural stimulant. Crunchy or smooth food (varying textures). Being aware of beauty all around. Observing patterns, analysing things(although I have to watch that bit of my brain being over zealous)

I think we are programmed to seek connection. But then all the drawbacks of ADHD mitigate against it ...things go erong. Could that be what's wrong? A sense of loneliness and disconnect. So building connections in small ways (not overwhelming demands) is almost the most important thing after a diagnosis rather than focusing always on yourself.

Wonderful books/novels also help. Long Island by Colm Toibin was my favourite recently I read it several times, about isolation and loneliness amongst other things! Also enjoying a children's book called A poem for A Day by Adrian Mitchell. Every day I read one of the poems often by famous poets as well as the humourous "children's" type of poet. So much reflection and melancholy in there again mirrors and calms, and it ironically cheers you up and gives purpose. Whereas thinking about own problems gives less relief!!! Rumination is a bad look....

Exercise helps. But you have to be able to organise yourself to go…

Recently diagnosed here too, the first few weeks after diagnosis I was very flat and tearful. Discussing your life story and every difficult you have ever experienced is exhausting and it took me a while to bounce back.

I've decided not to medicate as I too struggle with food and worry about my appetite being suppressed. If I were to eat less than I do now, I worry I'd end up malnourished, which would not help my mental health.

The lasting impact of being diagnosed is the ability to be kinder to myself and recognise my limitations.

My DH is also kinder now and finds giving me reminders to do things less annoying.

Work wise I was initially very upset as it brought home to me why I don't progress. I can spot a issue, intensively research it but then loose any interest in solving it. After speaking with management and explaining my difficulties we have set up more regular meetings. I can highlight issues and they support me in implementing a solution. I feel more part of a team and don't see myself as the weak link. They wouldn't have the data they needed for a fix if it wasn't for my inquisitive, outside the box way.

I hope you start to see the positives that ADHD brings soon and feel a bit better in yourself

My dh fits all the criteria bit won't get an official diagnosis . He stays it wont change anything and he will still be him , which is true .
His brother is the same and I've often thought the same as his mother .
His adult daughter had a adhd / autism diagnosis last year so it is extremely likely that they are all nd .

I haven’t got any yet @BrentfordForever!

The easiest option might be to grow them oneself. There are websites with lots of info about how to grow them. I also have a couple of alternative type friends who might be able to help me access some. I haven’t even started to look at it yet because it feels like a big task and, well…ADHD 😂 At the moment it’s just an idea that might or might not ever happen.

OP, I am really sorry it worked out that way for you. Go back and ask to try different medication. There is a lot of variety - Stimulants (like Methylphenidate and Amphetamines) and Non-Stimulants (like Atomoxetine and Guanfacine), slow and fast acting.

I was diagnosed at age 60, and I was lucky. Slow acting stimulants (I tried methylphenidate) worked from day 1 I have never tried amphetamines or non-stimulants. Fast acting don't work for me as they make me nervy and irritable.
Physical symptoms, like dry mouth and slight dizziness disappeared very quickly (after a few days) and never resurfaced.

Since trying them I have been able to work more consistently and don't fall asleep all the time. (I think I used to need hours of extra sleep just to defrag from that constant barrage of mental noise.) I don't get so frazzled, don't forget my keys, and don't have that non-stop set of monologues running simultaneously inside my head, alongside earworms and a sort of background general buzz, like listening to a loud TV or party in a house next door. It's only since it all quietened down that I realise how much I had to contend with. The mental equivalent of having to do an army assault course every time you answer the front door.

I do feel sad if I imagine what my life could have been if I'd been supported in childhood and teens and had had medication throughout my adult years. I suspect I'd have been more successful in my career and more competent at running a home and as a parent. I probably wouldn't have spent half my adult life on soporific anti-depressant medication that never quite made sense to me, as I felt like a fundamentally happy person with a massively optimistic outlook on the world. But it's pointless to mourn what might have been. If I think about what I have achieved despite that constant noise in my head, I feel reasonably proud.

You deserve a chance to try every different type of medication until you find the one that works. Please don't give up too quickly. There's loads to be gained from it. Better focus, more energy, quieter mind, reduced inner-critic, ability to see projects through. It also helps ward off dementia which some studies suggest could be more prevalent with ADHD. You could have four decades of better quality life ahead of you if you can get them to adjust your medication.