Can your family afford snacking and random grazing?

[TransAdmiralsAreAdmirals]

DC are grumpy because we don't allow random grazing and ask that they let me know when they're planning to prepare food using high-value ingredients or ingredients which may reasonably form a central component of a family meal.

I buy enough packed lunch items to last them both for the week, and much prefer it if I don't have to buy replacements if someone eats extra bags of crisps or snacks on extra packets of raisins or grain bars or similar.

Ditto preparing snacks between mealtimes: making toast, or bowls of pasta or cereal, or making fruit smoothies, or baking cupcakes.
Mine will get bowls of frozen peas or sweetcorn to snack on, so I often open the freezer to find empty bags.

Or unlimited condiments, for that matter -oodles of ketchup, sweet chilli sauce or mayo etc.

Or raiding the fruit bowl; there's enough fruit for everyone to have a couple of pieces per day but not to eat 3 bananas in a day, for instance.

We eat 3 square meals a day; quality home-cooked / prepared food and always have fruit available, so they're not going hungry. DC1 in particular insists that all their friends have free reins in the kitchen and that their cupboards are stuffed to the gunnels with snacky foods to which they help themselves with gay abandon, citing fridge raids of quantities of items I could never sustain in our home on our budget: I literally couldn't afford to stock lots of grazing foods in case someone feels a bit bored or peckish.

Can you, and do you, keep plentiful reserves of snacks which your DC are allowed to help themselves to?

My eldest child and I snack throughout the day. Eat when hungry and stop when not is my motto. They also have 3 meals a day and my youngest is more of a meal person. I don’t restrict food in my home at all and don’t think snacking is superior or inferior to people that eat 3 meals. I will say the bulk of snacks is healthier options but I do let them have crisps, some sweets, freeze dried fruit, muffins etc too.

We don’t really do snacks as a matter of course- eg, crisps or biscuits. But I wouldn’t begrudge anyone making a slice of toast or bowl of cereal. Our evening meal always has dessert as part of it, and all food is eaten at the table. No food in the living room or while sitting on the sofa watching a film for example. I think much snacking is due to habit and/or boredom.

No I can't. Some nice stuff of course, but like you have meal plan and buy what we need and no more. So helping yourself to a bacon sandwich when I was planning a quiche with it (so two meals for DD and I) would really fuck things up. Income has vastly dropped in the last two years so have to be really careful.

But we have never really been a snacky household, I suspect because nothing was "not allowed". My mother was very tight with food (well, money, love, time....) when we were kids and everything had to be asked for, the answer was usually no. I vividly remember once getting six chips (aged about 8) with one egg for dinner. Very rare treats and usually only when other people were around, so of course we would fall on them like ravenous hounds which she would then go mad over as we embarrassed her.

So I have always made sure that there are nice things available that dont have to be asked for. Icecreams in the freezer, nothing major. The kids knew what their "allowance" was of those items and if they ate theirs in one day tough, it will be another week unti there are any more! But more often than not at the end of the week there would be left overs. I think its because\ they knew they could whenever they wanted, so very often they didnt bother. DD is the only one left at home, if I say "Do you want an ice cream?" after dinner, its 50/50 on whether she will say yes.

You wont be surprised to hear that both my sister and I have had (still have I guess) ED. I developed anorexia, she binged.

And even if I could afford it, I wouldnt. Constant grazing is one of the reasons we have such an obesity problem in this country. I see it in women with young kids, they must always have snacks. Why?! Teaching a child that hunger is normal is really important! Its strikes me that so many people expect to be constantly eating and thats not what I want for my kids.

Yes, there is always plenty to eat in the cupboards. Most nights one or the other of the teens is in the kitchen cooking an omlet, bacon or noodles for a second dinner. I also stock up on sweets and crisps, but they are not massively interested. It's annoying when we run out of bread or eggs or carrots without my knowledge, but I don't restrict their food intake, they are not toddlers and they eat fairly healthy.

I love eating frozen peas! I have a savoury palate and love the taste, plus the texture makes them more interesting. Each to their own.

ETA that said......the OP going to the freezer to get some veg for dinner to find its been snacked on must be really fucking irritating. Its like seeing the milk in the fridge but not looking too closely and then realising when you need some that its virtually empty and the person who finished it didnt say anything. Deaths have been threatened over that in this house!

No. Grew up in a healthy/fresh-eating, non snacking culture/country.

No greasy junk food, no sugary junk foods, except for a bit on the weekend/celebrations, no snacks. You eat 3 meals a day (I ate 2, never ate breakfast as didn't want to), no one limits your portions at those times, you can eat seconds if want to (rarely happens).

Food always fresh, home cooked, preferably organic, plenty of veg, fruit, fish. No snacks in between, ever.

Not a money thing, grew up in a wealthy family. Don't have EDs, healthy, slim, sporty with a clearly recognisable hunger signals and and 'off' switch when full.

Still eat the same and DD does too, she just eats more fruit. Fruit/berries are unlimited, but she rarely eats more than a couple of pieces a day on her own volition. She's a teen, healthy kid, normal weight and not 'constantly hungry', eats normal amounts at meal times (there's plenty of food during those)

As a country, we don't have an obesity problem, one of the least overweight and one of the sportiest in the world. The idea that continuous munching and eating all kinds of shit prevents you from getting an ED is well...preposterous.

Nobody suggested constant access, of course. But bullying children over wanting a snack does, indeed, lead to disordered eating.

Yes they have free rein of the fridge and cupboards.
Ds (14) gets home and if I’m wfh I’ll make us a snack plate to share (and I take a screen break and eat with him), pittas and hummus or crumpets or sandwiches, some fruit and/or biccies. He might then make himself some toast when I go back to my desk for the last hour but we eat late compared to some.
The older 2 have had the same growing up (now adults), I don’t buy a lot of ‘junk’ food really but it’s not banned. On days I’m in the office he usually does himself some cheese on toast and doesn’t bother with the fruit 😂
But yes they can help themselves and if we’ve run out I will top up.
i remember being really hungry a lot as a kid and I wasn’t nourished. A bit of hunger is fine but I’d hate especially for growing teens for them to be ravenously hungry and unable to eat enough to fill up.

So yep, as we all know bullying children for wanting a snack very much does lead to disordered eating.

Nobody has suggested OPs kids should have constant access to food or be eating all day, so no need to be silly and pretend otherwise.

Allowing your kids 3 snacks in a day is normal and healthy. If they are hungry they will be happy to eat non processed snacks, but if you try to force them to only eat snacks they despise, this will also very much cause disordered eating, so do make sure you offer them healthy food they don't find disgusting.

Refusing them all junk food will probably mean they stuff their faces with it for a while when they are no longer under your control, but that one is not so clear cut.

So anyway, yep, bullying kids for wanting 3 snacks a day - when you can choose reasonably healthy snacks that they do not despise - is a good way to ensure they will have an eating disorder later in life.

But those determined not to listen will not listen, naturally

Mine can have fruit, dried fruit, nuts, cream crackers, peanut butter, toast, plain yoghurt in whatever quantity they want. One sweet snack a day and they need to seek permission for that.

Trying to keep them healthy and also for the reasons you give.

Mine do a lot of exercise so I try to encourage healthier choices for snacks. I say they can have one treat snack like crisps or a biscuit bar but then they can help themselves (within reason, if its within an hour of a meal I will say no to dd because she is a terrible eater and will just pick at crackers all day rather than eat proper nutritious food) to fruit, cheese and crackers, chicken wraps (marinade, cook and slice the chicken myself can make load for the same price compared the the little Tesco prepared packs), peanut butter on toast, hummus and veg sticks etc. DS is 6ft 2 does enough exercise to warrant at least 1500 addional calories a day so big portions and a mix of healthy cards, fruit and veg and protien.

Your children have developed very rude habits.

They should be far more considerate of what it costs (in time and money) to buy groceries, what they need to eat to maintain a healthy body and what ingredients you need make meals.

Educate them with exposure to shopping. Have them pay, with cash, for the week's food. (So they see it visually)
Involve them in meal planning on paper and making lists.
Involve them in cooking a meal often.
Talk to them about dental hygiene - grazing all day is not beneficial.
Talk to them and buy a book about nutrition - the pyramid of food groups and how the body utilises foods etc.

If they are feeling hungry often, discuss whether they need to add an egg or porridge to their breakfast, whether they need to eat more vegetables or swap a sweet carb snack for a wholemeal baked bean toastie.

Three meals and one snack in between should be ample.
Advise that kids drink water.

Have a variety of food that can be eaten as their snack.
Boxes of seconds apples. Bulk buy Weetabix and powdered low fat milk, Cans of baked beans, home made oat biscuits etc.

Have rules. Eat at the table for meals, finish their meals, ask for more vegies etc. One snack only between meals - in the kitchen - unless it's an apple etc. No taking family food from the fridge, freezer etc. Say NO when the kids ask for food not allocated to snacks. Be consistent.

We have all become too used to seeing people grab chocolate bars and sweet drinks and crisps (treats) whenever buying fuel etc.. It is not healthy and not considerate to raid the family provisions without asking.

We buy enough snacks for the week, such as mini cheeses, fruit, crackers, yoghurt etc but they rarely get ransacked to the point nothing is left. It's just mainly so DC can have something to tide them over between arriving home from school and evening meal.

My mum was just like you. I ended up with bulimia. I managed to stop the purging, but throughout my adult life, I struggled with binge eating. My weight has been a constant battle.
Not even able to make toast? Come on.

I grew up in a very unsugary house but there was always toast and marmite or peanut butter, tomatoes, cheese, cucumber, fruit. The odd weekly treat.

I'm more of the mind set that if you want sugary junk, fine but you walk to the local shop and buy it, then at least you've had some exercise. However other people might have more discipline!

I suspect that part of the problem is that "ALL MY FRIENDS PARENTS.....!" and "James' mum just lets him have what he wants!" . Well that may be true but lets be honest, it probably isnt!

And when you are on a budget you need to think about these things.

To some people yet another loaf of bread in a week where you can barely squeeze enough out of the money to keep the heating on, its a loaf of bread too much.

As long as they are fed good portions of healthy filling nutritious food, then thats ok. The OP shouldnt be made to feel bad because she is on a very tight budget, so am I and I feel no fucking guilt about it at all because them's the breaks. It wasnt always like this, and wont always be like this in the future, but right now it is.

I have to stick to a food budget, but as part of that my shop I include snack foods for teenagers. I don't snack but they do. As my children got older they needed to eat more, and more frequently, than I. Thats not unreasonable. They are much more active throughout the day for one. So I include snacks in my shopping that they know are bought for them as snacks. They dont have to be expensive: bananas, bread, multipacks of popcorn, sliced cheese, ham, crackers, cereal: I find Aldi good for snack foods. They know not to eat dinner ingredients.
I also grew up in a home where food was controlled or we went without and it was shit.

We are a family of 6 with 3 adult children and an almost 16 year old. They can have what they want. I always have stuffed cupboards as I went to boarding school and food was really restricted so I have an issue that I always need plenty of food available. I cook fresh meals every day but everyone can help themselves to snacks and ingredients to cook as and when.

I was brought up around a controlling father who always questioned why I was going into the fridge or cupboards....left me with an eating disorder when younger, avoidance of certain foods and smells later in life and a food hoarding habit.

I buy snacks. My child knows he can help himself to the fridge, the cupboards or even the freezer if he wants an icecream.

My concern was that my child not have food insecurity and only eat when he is hungry as I do not want to set him up with an eating disorder.

I pack extra snacks in his lunchbox and he always brings food home. He could get home after school and not want to eat anything. His snacks are kept in the pantry at his height so he can access them.

Your children are hungry. They are telling you that they are hungry.

Never really put snacking down to affordability.

For us, we had an unlimited fruit bowl - typically apples and bananas. They could make toast or have plain cereal. We were very limited on crisps and biscuits (because I would scoff them). We always had plenty of milk, but I don't think any of the DCs were interested.

Basically, they just ate at mealtimes. Anything outside of this was a personal effort for them. As adults, they have a healthy attitude to food - they eat at mealtimes.

Wow, the thread really took off, thanks all for interesting responses.

I'm really not trying to control DCs eating, but am open to the idea that I'm clearly not as free and easy with grazing and snacking as other posters. I do need to watch what I spend though; we live comfortably in lots of ways on a modest household income, but can't afford to be frivolous.

Culturally, I come from a country (frequently noted for the healthiness of the general populace) where snacking between meals really wasn't a thing when I grew up, and I definitely noticed the prevalence of grazing throughout the day when I came to the UK.

DC are young teens, two DDs. They take packed lunches to school, and pack either crisps or a granola bar along with their sandwich and fruit. We keep crisps just for their lunch boxes. DC also get a tuck allowance on a prepaid card at school, so can buy whatever snack they want mid-morning -that's an important part of their social lives at school.

They also get decent pocketmoney on the understanding that a portion is saved (they choose what percentage) and the rest is their personal spends: some of it definitely goes on sweets and other snacks each week -I really don't mind what they buy, how much or when they have it.

They're good cooks and I encourage them to make meals for themselves, but can't seem to convey that they can't just cook up a whole packet of halloumi for a snack, or half a bag of frozen prawns to pick on; I ask them to check before tearing into any source of protein which could feasibly be intended for a family meal, but they rarely remember, and the next thing I know, the tofu is gone and we're 4 eggs down. DD1 has been known to polish off an entire pineapple in one sitting; DD2's weakness is jumbo gherkins. They slather their food in sauces and condiments: we probably go through one bottle of sweet chilli sauce, sriracha and harissa per week. Soy sauce and ketchup might last a bit longer, but only marginally. They don't seem to fathom moderation and reading this thread, I'm wondering whether this is a reasonable expectation? There are some really insightful responses on this thread.

Re the frozen sweetcorn; they've always loved frozen sweetcorn, peas and berries and will pour themselves little bowls to snack on. I had no idea that frozen sweetcorn can cause food poisoning -I must put a stop to that.

Frozen raw sweetcorn is dangerous so should always be cooked because of listeria.

Trouble is with teenagers that it really is in one ear and out of the other. So they hear you in the moment, but an hour later when they are hungry? Those prawns are fair game.

One thing I did with DS2 (who started doing this) was to serve up whatever it was but minus his portion of whatever he had eaten given that he knew that it was a meal food. So bacon sandwiches for a weekend lunch? Enjoy your bread and ketchup lad, cos you had your portion last night. Didnt have to do it very often before the penny dropped!

ETA I didnt actually just place bread and ketchup, say, in front of him but I would say "Well I am doing bacon but you ate your portion so are you having peanut butter or marmite?" before anyone accuses me of cruelty and starvation.

my child has free access to the kitchen. I do ask for consideration about using up ingredients that we might need for other things before we can get to the store again. I might say no to cooking the chicken I have planned to use for dinner or using up the milk and leaving us with none for breakfast. Aside from logistical issues though, there is always a selection of healthy food available if she is hungry.

I grew up with my food intake being monitored and I don’t want that for my child for a multitude of reasons. Mostly, when I got to university, people used to drop by my room randomly with food. My now DH will attest to how underweight I was.