How do you feel about being called “darling” at work?

[NebulousWhistler]

I am a director at a city firm. So quite senior, relatively speaking. New male hire joins the team. More junior than me albeit probably 15 years older but not a direct report. However, he will working closely with me on a project involving a big client (think large global multi national). So I’ve been spending a lot of time with him, KT/mentoring etc. He’s been here around 3 weeks and when we are alone whether virtual, phone or in person meetings he has a tendency to refer to me as “darling”. As in “that’s really helpful, thanks so much darling”. Or dare I say it, “alright darling”.
He is a nice guy, I don’t think he realises he’s saying it, he’s a bit old school. But, I’m not loving it. I know I should just tell him to stop. But I don’t love confrontation.
Has anyone ever experienced this and how have you dealt with it, withouf things being awkward. I shouldn’t care as he’s the one who has created the situation. But it’s not really appropriate in this day and age.
I remember a time in the noughties when it was the norm and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it in work, I had that and far worse.
But I work for a lovely firm now where people are very respectful of each other. I should just shrug and not think anything of it. But it’s bothering me.

I had a senior manager call me love all the time.
It really pissed me off. He called my male equivalent mate.
It just felt very condescending.
Learn my bloody name.
I now have a manager that calls us all guys.. that annoys me too.
I get that there a regional differences.
But I feel that if you are in a management position. Be professional, unless you know your team very very well.

I would be very interested to hear if you have spoken to him @NebulousWhistler and how it went. I am going to have to speak to someone in my organization about hierarchy and respect next week. He isn’t going to take it well…

It wouldn't bother me at all as long as it was friendly, but sometimes people will use terms of endearment delivered with a snarky tone in a belittling type way if you know what I mean. That would get on my nips a bit.

How can someone get to director level yet be uncomfortable with confrontation? Especially when you’re clearly correct. “Darling” is not an appropriate term in a professional environment.
I work in academia, it’s all quite casual and informal, but no one is calling anyone darling.

You are a director at a City firm, how on earth have you got this far without being able to mange a pretty straightforward interaction with a junior member of staff?

This isn’t complicated, next time he does it say “don’t call me darling, it’s inappropriate”.

With kindness, you need to address this in your personal development plan. If something so glaringly inappropriate is so difficult for you to deal with I’m concerned that you are being absolutely trampled over in other areas of your life.

Being able to manage conflict is a basic adult skill.

It’s a skill you can learn and should.

I think it's because he's an older male and this isn't work related per se. I'm perfectly confident (and competent) at my actual role and well able to argue my point. Not quite sure why this is bothering me so much!

I haven't said anything to him yet but he hasn't said it since, albeit my interaction with him since posting has been slightly more limited as he is getting up to speed with the role itself. Still not sure if I'll be able to say anything so may end up saying nothing.

I don't feel like there's anything snarky about it. He's a nice man and he's been super appreciative of the fact that I'm helping him get up to speed in his role and he is perfectly respectful otherwise. Maybe a little more sweary than you'd expect in our working environment (per the GP above who mentioned similar). It's actually why, when he said he first, I had to ask myself if I had heard him right. But he's done it a few times since.

Incidentally, to those saying they wouldn't mind, it depends imo on the situation. If I go to the butchers and they say, as they often do "alright darling, what can I get you?", it doesn't bother me at all, I find it quite endearing, but in our quite formal working environment, it's not the done thing. Irrational for being ok with it in one context but not another? Maybe, I can't decide.
Also, I'm really not losing any sleep over this. In the grand scheme of things, it isn't a big deal. I read a lot of anecdotes, be it on mumsnet or elsewhere, about toxic work environments, exploitative bosses etc. I work for a fabulous company in a role I love with a huge amount of autonomy and responsibility and have never been held back for being female.
I was just curious about other women's experience of this in a corporate environment, if it bothered them and how they handled it.

I was just curious about other women's experience of this in a corporate environment, if it bothered them and how they handled it.

If you are putting up with it because he is an older male have you consider why you are prepared to make yourself smaller to support his delicate male feelings?

If it’s inappropriate in the workplace for an older male to say to a younger woman (it is) or for a man to say to a direct peer in the work place (it is) then it’s also inappropriate for this man.

Doesn't bother me. The secretary at work calls everyone at work love, pet etc. I imagine if someone asked her to stop calling him/her love, she might feel momentarily embarrassed but would oblige. It doesn't have to be a big fall out, you can just politely ask him to stop

"Alright, darlin'?" in a leery voice seems a lot different from "Darling, thanks SO much for that email" in a camp voice.

I absolutely love being called darling, by anyone. It makes me feel cared for. It's warm.

grow up I use lots of these types of terms of endearments as I useless with names and I am female it def not worth a mn post lol why is okj for me to do this and not a man to do this

I'm also a Director and I'd hate it too. I'd say 'Darling, mmm, only my husband calls me that [insert condescending chuckle], you can call me x'

It’s not ok, it’s lazy, patronising and unprofessional in a work setting. It says ‘I can’t be bothered to remember your name, and I’m behaving as though we’re on intimate terms when I report to you’.

I've only ever been called darling by female colleagues.

I've had a few colleagues call me darling, love, flower, petal, babe. Doesn't personally bother me but if it bothers you say something

Exactly.

What makes you think it's okay for you to do it?

I would hate this, really hate it. He’s talking down to you whether it’s deliberate or not. You’ve a couple of options:
”Hey Bob, I’m not a fan of being called darling, can you stop?”
(when you get a thank you darling) “Don’t you worry sugarplum”

Then if it wasn't snarky I'd most likely find it endearing, as long as he wasn't creepy. But if you don't like it then say something to him about if you feel comfortable and safe enough to raise it. If you think you're not going to be working with him for much longer it might not be worth the bother.

I can’t begin to imagine anyone in my company calling anyone else ‘darling’. It’s a very friendly place but everyone is respectful and professional.

Same here. People would think you’d lost your mind.

The only way this would be acceptable is if spoken in proper old-world English accent (1920’s) whilst sporting a full on WW1 handlebar moustache, breeches and pipe and/or one of those turn of the century Victorian onesie swimming costumes.

You would have to call them darling too in like manner (minus the moustache)

Absolutely fucking not. No thank you.

I’d address it sooner rather than later if I was you.

This!