Scaffolding neighbour

[Victoriouslyvictorious]

My neighbour wants scaffolding up in my garden, so he can have solar panels fitted. He asked me yesterday and caught unawares I said yes. I feel really stressed currently. My DH died recently and I’m on my own. Everything feels a slog for me. The thought of the noise, men in my garden, blocking my garden exit and just the inconvenience is making me worry.

I feel like saying I’ve changed my mind. WWYD?

I’ve just dreamed that my DH came back and told the neighbours to leave me alone. 😢

Aw, OP. I’m sorry for your loss. I bet your DH would be proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

I had a CF builder knock on to casually ask if scaffolding could be put in my garden. I kept the conversation polite and asked him to put it in writing - I’ve learned enough on MN over the years to be very wary. (Grateful thanks to everyone who’s ever posted on a scaffolding/neighbours thread).

No such document was forthcoming, the scaffolders simply found another way round it, my garden was not touched.

I don’t know, but I would assume this sort of thing would be covered by party wall legislation type stuff. My next step, after receiving a written and detailed request, would have been to speak to my house insurers.

I think you’re being unreasonable. Can you not put your bins at the front for a couple of weeks ? My neighbour needed scaffolding put in my garden. I placed my bins on his lawn. The pipes had boards at the bottom to protect my decking and I have big plants in pots some 10 foot tall and nothing was damaged.

Is there a reason the scaffolding can't go in the neighbours' garden? Sorry if you've explained and I've missed it! Surely there has to be a way of doing the work without using your garden.

You've just got to pray you don't have anything to wrong with your roof or guttering, driveway or shared fences that might require them to do the same.

We had solar panels (a large array) and the scaffolding was only up for two days.

Sorry for your loss OP. I lost my DH last year too. I believe they're always with us in a way, even if it's in our own hearts. I bet he's looking over you and is proud of how you're handling this. How dare your neighbours keep giving you this stress when you're newly widowed and grieving. I'm angry on your behalf.

You've stated to them in writing (text) now that the answer is no and they're not to ask again, and yet they did. If they have the nerve to ask again, tell them you now consider this harassment and will take legal action if they don't desist.

This is their problem and serves them right for ordering panels before thinking of the logistics of installing them and seeking permission for scaffolding in advance. I know as women we shouldn't need men to do stand up for us, but would your son be willing to speak to them and tell them firmly to leave you alone?

The thing that most concerns me is that no one has even been round and looked into my garden to see how it could work. I’ve just been expected to say yes. I have shrubs and plants along that border and any scaffolding could cause damage.

The neighbours kept making promises, to get me to say yes but once I said yes, the scaffolding company could potentially do whatever they needed to do.

They have a conservatory, which is why they are asking to use my land. I know that legally they can’t insist as it’s not for essential repairs.

If right at the beginning someone had been round and looked and explained how it could be done to not cause me trouble, I would have agreed but that hasn’t happened.

It’s never going to happen. I have clear access all around my house.

If their work was essential and the only way of doing it would be scaffolding on my garden, I would have to say yes.

My son has looked and he says he’s sure they will find another way, which doesn’t involve my garden.

I’ve both had neighbours scaffolding in my garden and mine in theres
theres been minimal if any disruption
a good conversation with neighbour and scaffolders outline exactly what was going and where

Good for you, and it's great that your children are being supportive. It's so easy in your situation to be browbeaten by people like your neighbours.

It's clear that the neighbours don't care about your situation - emotionally (recently bereaved) or practically (blocking your side access etc). There's no reason to believe that they'd consider your needs while the scaffolding was up or rectify any damage etc.

You've done all you can do - you've been clear, you've asked them to stop making the request. They will eventually realise they have to sort out the consequences of their own decidions.

That sounds good. As I said the thing that most concerns me, is that no one has actually looked at my garden, to see how it could work. I’ve just been expected to say yes.

If my DH were still here, there’s no way he would have said yes in this situation.

Make a list of questions
what’s going where
what about damage
how long
be clear its not to provide access just a footing for scaffolding
ask for wooden or plastic pads if going on flags as metal will mark
oh and again how long
reiterating how it will block your access so it does impact you

but most importantly you never know if you will need there help in the future

Whilst I think they have handled this really badly - especially since they know your situation - I think it might be better for your own stress levels to try to work with them to find a solution. Can you invite them round to discuss your concerns ( maybe have a friend or relative with you) on the basis of you are not trying to be difficult etc etc. You still then have the right to say no but they may suggest something that you haven’t thought of which would work for both of you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Dreaming about your DH is a normal part of grieving but you shouldn't have to deal with this extra stress. It's not your problem to solve. It's okay to say:

1. The answer is no
2. My answer is still no
3. I won't change my mind
4. You'll have to find an alternative to using my property.

And repeat.

Just keep repeating no, the neighbour can’t promise anything on the scaffolders behalf and once it is up there is nothing that you can do till they move it.

Yes, the neighbours kept making promises but I know it’s not down to them.

I agree with @Willowkins and I would certainly not be doing anything like inviting them round for a discussion - that makes it look as if you're open to changing your mind, which currently you aren't. Every time you listen to what they have to say about it you are fanning their hope that you'll give in. If they raise it again I'd go so far as to interrupt with 'as I've told you, I've made my decision and it's not up for discussion' and then physically walk away if they persist.

I sense that you perhaps feel that somehow you are being a tiny bit unreasonable, and possibly in normal circumstances this could be something to consider. But these are not normal circumstances. You are recently unexpectedly widowed. Anyone who has experienced this knows that it turns your brain to mush and takes away your decision making capabilities for much longer than you realize. The advice usually given to widows is to avoid making any material decisions for 12 months. The absolute most I'd be saying to them is 'my answer is no but if you haven't found a solution by this time next year then you can ask me again. I hope that by then I'll have regained the capacity to help other people with their problems. For now I'm struggling to cope with everything in my own life. Your refusal to accept my decision is giving me additional stress. Please stop.'

Thank you @MontyDonsBlueScarf . Yes my head is mush and all this from next door isn’t helping at all. I feel I can’t say yes to them as I have no idea what I’m agreeing to.

Thanks everyone for your replies and your kind words.

Why don’t you get a scaffolding licence and include the installer as a party putting obligations on them to remove the scaffolding as soon as the work is done and penalties for any overrun? This way you can ensure they have insurance, your property is protected etc. A property solicitor could draw it up for you and your neighbours should foot the cost. Solar panels don’t take long to install and seems silly to sour neighbourly relations when there is a solution.

You keep saying no-one has been round to look surely they have just looked out the window? They dont have to physically see from your garden?

Its not your problem to resolve, they should have discussed this with you when they had the roof survey and ordered the panels. Don't let them harass you, sorry for your loss, ask your son to intervene if they bother you again.

They wouldn’t be able to see much, to be fair. I have trees to hide their conservatory and the area I think they would need to put the scaffolding is set back from their house.

If someone had even been round and explained where they might place the scaffolding etc., that might have helped.

Quite honestly, in my bereaved state, it’s all too much. Some days I feel I’ve achieved something if I’ve had a shower and something to eat.