Who should we ask to be legal guardian of our child if something happens to us?

[OtterlyMad]

DH and I need to update our wills to indicate who we would like to take care of our child (and any future children) in case something were to happen to us. We’re lucky to have 2 clear options - one is my sibling, the other is DH’s sibling. Honestly we would be happy for either of them to raise our kids and we are certain that both would volunteer to be guardians, we’re just struggling to decide who should be our first choice. Note that the majority of our estate will go to whomever raises our children, so finances aren’t a huge factor in our decision (but safe to say that both siblings are financially stable and earn well above average).

Option 1: “Jane” 42F

• No parter or children - not necessarily by choice, just never met the right person. Still dates regularly but biological children looking less likely as time goes on.
• Primary school teacher - a massive plus! She works long hours and schedule is very inflexible during term time but she wouldn’t have to worry about childcare during the holidays.
• Owns a 3-bed property which is large enough to accommodate our child(ren) without having to move. However, the area she lives in isn’t the best and the distance means that our child(ren) would have to change schools and leave behind their friends and family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.)
• Jane has a couple of friends but no family in the area. This lack of a support network is definitely a concern.

Option 2: “John” 30M

• Has a long-term partner, no children yet but plans to have them. We see this as a positive since it shows they are willing to compromise their lifestyle in a way that child-free people often aren’t, but also recognise that it means a lot of responsibility and stress as they could end up with 3, 4, even 5 children under one roof.
• Owns a 2-bed property nearby which is too small to accommodate children in the long term so they would have to move to a larger house eventually, but they’d stay in in the same area so children wouldn’t have to change schools.
• Management job (don’t want to give away too much but it’s a stable industry and flexible schedule, e.g. allowed to work from home 3 days per week).
• John has a great support network - his parents have already offered us 2 days a week of free childcare, so that could continue if he became their guardian. There’s another sibling who is willing to babysit on an ad-hoc basis, and plenty of their friends have kids.

In terms of values, we’re all pretty similar in that none of us are religious and we all lean left politically. Like us, Jane loves the outdoors so I’m sure would take the children hiking and camping. On the other hand, John shares our passion for foreign travel and culture so the kids would get to explore all over Europe and beyond.

It’s such a tough decision. What do you guys think?

Someone you trust, love and know will advocate for your children. I picked my sister for my children and I would a thousand times over - she has their best interests at heart and loves and cares for them the same way she does her own. My children love and admire her as much as I do.

You couldn’t send traumatised children to live in a new area and lose all of their friends to live without someone they see every few months. Sounds like a film from the war era.

Got to be John.

Jane without a doubt.

If as is likely John was to have kids, and then ends up with yours too. That becomes very unsettling for the existing children in the family to suddenly have older siblings.

Jane will have lots of experience in dealing with traumatised children.

John for now, as Jane rarely sees them But be prepared to change the will if John and his partner have children they may feel differently a few years down the line

How old is your DC and what is Jane's and John's current relationship with your DC like? That would be my priority - whoever your child has the closest bond with, not who is the best person 'on paper'

I was going to say Jane, as has bigger home, more experience of children and less likely to have to consider her own DC.
However just read update and if DC are closer to John then that's who I'd pick because in the very very unlikely event both you and DH die your DC will want to be with the people they are closest too and feel most comfortable with, and tbf both Jane and John sound good options but go with who your DC are closest too. And tbf you are probably over thinking as it is an eventuality unlikely to happen. You may want to leave the guardian enough means to raise DC, house them etc

Even with the distance and not being quite as close Jane still makes more sense.
Reality with John his wife is likely to shoulder more of the parenting. She is also more likely to put her own kids first.

Depending on Jane's situation it might suit her to move into your house. Than to move the kids.

We had a similar problem. In the end we asked both, DHs DB and my DSis. DBIL is local so DS would be able to continue at school. DSis not local but DS close to cousins and would have been happy to spend holidays with them. If DS had been orphaned before school age DSis would have taken him on as one of her own. I had the same arrangement with DSis eldest. When her second child came along she had different DF and both her DC would have been better with DBIL sister who was childless but not by choice. Their lives would have been far less disrupted.
Fortunately they are all now 20+ so no guardians required. Although my BIL and DSis are still executors.
As long as you have sufficient funds until they are 23 I don’t think either would be reluctant. If you think there would be a shortfall then take out life insurance
“Jane” being single, may consider working part time and you will need to factor this into your calculation. It may have a knock on effect on her longterm financial situation, such as reducing pension contributions.

John has a more sustained relationship with your children and also could keep them in their school. No way in hell if myself and my husband died would I want them to lose their friends and teachers too (their support network).

Accommodation could be sorted, maybe if financing is sufficient they could all live in your current home.