Expecting my first baby in the next few weeks. What advice would you give?

[Oilla]

We are as prepared as I think we can be.
I finish work for maternity leave this week. What can / should I do and prioritise in the weeks before baby arrives? Of course rest (though sleeping 3hrs a night ish atm so not sure tiredness will come as a shock), but anything else I should prepare, practise, make the most of or do?

I read this as 'go and get Pampers'😅
I guess that is also good advice!

Continue to be a person as well as a parent, from as early on as you can manage, in whatever way that looks like for you, whether it’s doing your makeup or making time to go for a coffee with a friend. You will have had a child but you are not that child. I find it’s an important distinction to make.

Make sure to remember the following:

" I will give myself a break, this is hard and I'm not perfect. The baby will be fine".

Signed Mum of 3 who was not perfect, but tried her best and loves them all (and they love her too, so that's good fishing in my books). xxx

I personally found that anxiously attempting to keep the baby in the right position was absolutely counterintuitive to oxytocin.

Go for nice walks and stay gently active by all means, but if it feels better to NOT worry about such things, then don't.

Countless babies have been born without the woman sitting on a bloody ball.

Oh yes I agree with this too. I've become very relaxed about the clothes I'll go outside in, but I still find a few minutes for tinted moisturiser, mascara, lip tint and eyebrow tint every day that I'm leaving the house, and twice a week DH is in charge while I have a long shower, exfoliate, shave legs if necessary, wash and deep condition my hair and take the time to dry it properly. I feel more 'me' for having done these things.

Have an amnesty with your partner on anything that's said in the haze of sleep deprivation for the next six months. Both ways. People act out of character when they're tired.

Be prepared to be irrational. Accept it. You're doing an instinctive thing. You don't have to justify your choices.

Ignore conflicting advice. Most people have only done this once or twice themselves and they don't know your baby.

Have a routine and get the baby up and awake at 7. That's the key to a sleep routine. If it doesn't work for you, see above about ignoring advice.

If you have any spare cash, spend it on a cleaner or a mother's help, not stuff. You need time to breathe.

Involve both sets of grandparents equally and become deaf and blind to the madness that seems to grip them at these moments.

Don't try to be perfect. Your baby needs your chaotic, good enough mess, not you stressing.

Eat.

Talk to your partner about expectations of who to do what.

Great advice - I felt exactly the same. But we did take them in @CheeseWisely don’t worry, we were there the whole time, and we can keep taking it all in now.

Everyone will say to you 'the first couple of weeks are the hardest'. To be honest, they are not. I would say the first 5/6 weeks are hard, after that you will get into some form of a routine that works for you. Don't think you are going crazy when/if after a couple of weeks you are frazzled.

Apologies, just realised you wanted advice for before baby arrives!!!

And buy straws! I was thirsty as hell and found it much easier to drink through a straw whilst balancing a baby and a bottle/trying not to flash a boob etc etc than drink from a pint glass!! (Of squash!!)

Double the amount of maternity sanitary towels you have - I couldn't believe how many I got through after birth. I also had a couple of pregnancy massages which were lovely - just check the therapist is qualified. Best of luck 🤞

Make your plans but be flexible. I stopped work on the Friday to have 2 weeks off but DC had other plans and came 3 days later....

In hindsight batch cooking / meals you can take out the freezer would of been helpful but we actually ended up going out quite allot to a carvery / restaurant that served food quickly during the week when they were very little as they sleep so much it was easy / enjoyable (everybody was oohing and ahhing around you). Emjoy!!

If you can't control it, don't worry about it. If you can control it, plan for it.

Take some time to do things that make you happy as it really all helps with hormones - spend time with people you love, laugh, enjoy some beautiful art or music or films, eat lovely food (if you can), spend time in nature (don't go off on a wild camping expedition, just the local woods at this time of year can be beautiful!).

Don't focus too much on your "due date". It's not a scheduled appointment.

It's an exciting time, I hope your have a lovely mat leave xx

Decide with your DH what your plans are for visitors after the birth.
Friends advised me to ban all visitors (including the new grandparents) for the first 2 weeks while my DH and I just chilled out (aka slobbed around in our nightwear) and got to know our newborn, and, honestly, it was the loveliest time.
I advised my DC to do the same, even though I was desperate to see my new grandchildren, and they agreed it made for a very special time.
It may not work the same with subsequent DC when you have older children who need to be taken to nursery and school, but it is so worth it when you are adjusting to that magical first child IMO.

I didn't rest, as soon as I gave up work the nesting instinct kicked in - I was cleaning windows the day before I was inducted (nothing to do with not taking it easy). I did make sure I had some easy to cook things in the freezer, but found I was still suffering from morning sickness for a couple of weeks after birth, so not sure how that'd work for others.

I think just enjoy whatever you feel you need/want to do - whether that's resting, getting the house clean, time out with your partner. Once baby is born, you just move onto another (lovely) phase and it all falls into place.

You're not in charge. The next six months could be amazing or they could be hell, and you have very little say in the matter at this point. It all comes down to what kind of baby you get, and how your hormones treat you. Strap yourself in and hope you enjoy the ride.

Lower your standards, be kind to yourself, and if you're one of the lucky ones try not to be smug to the ones at baby groups who are on their knees with exhaustion.

Get a my expert midwife kit
line up some box sets
enjoy your bump/ - you miss it when it’s gone

Look into your local sling library. Having a sling made parenting so much easier.

The first few weeks are crazy and that's ok, give yourself grace.
Smile at your baby when you see them after they wake.
Pull the frills of the nappies out round the legs when you change a nappy.
Don't be smug if your baby sleeps well and make other people feel bad 😂
Equally don't be offended by other people's stupid comments at baby groups.

The decisions you make in the early months feel so so important, but parenting is for the long haul. So you need to ensure you're thinking about your own mental health and wellbeing.

And also, and this is more for when they're little kids - it's meant to be fun. It's what you've wanted. It's what you planned for. So if it's not fun (overall), then change things up.

Discuss with your partner how he can help you once he’s back at work. DH only got two weeks paternity and no option of taking extra leave, so it was tough. He would make me overnight oats and a salad every evening and leave them in Tupperware in the fridge so it was so easy to just grab and eat when I had two minutes. It meant I was eating healthily but with no effort on my part.

That said, don’t feel bad for any diet choices made in the first few weeks. We ate a lot of ready meals!

If anyone offers help, take it! Especially if it involves them bringing round a home cooked meal.

….all of my tips involve food

Hopefully this isnt negative but be prepared for a hormone drop and some form of the blues. I was convinced it wouldn't happen to me, I'm a very happy positive person and though my friends warned me, I didn't think it woukd be that bad. Well, it was. I wish I'd known that it would pass and not make it even bigger in my mind, my poor husband had never seen me cry that much and now a year on its a distant memory. So much of what is hard with a new baby passes, it feels like the hugest thing at the time but it all changes, and you actually miss it! I remember those sleepless summer nights hokding a newborn in a sweltering london flat as a bit of magic now.

On a positive note, you have so much to look forward to, seeing your partner or husband becoming a father and falling in love afresh with that new iteration of them. Realising just what you're capable of, which is vast!

On a practical note, stock stock stock that freezer with easy nutritious meals. Make everything as easy as possible!

Accept help, let friends and family bring things or just come by and hold the baby if you're able to, the pockets of free tike you get become precious when you can shower. Noone makes the most of a free 15 minutes like new parents, it can feel like a huge break!

Practise nappies. We didn't. Wish we had!

Enjoy your impending bundle :)

You're as prepared as you'll ever be, there's nothing you can't get on Amazon prime or a 24 hour supermarket. People say "you'll get no sleep" but that's not true. You adapt, learn to nap, sleep in shorter stretches and run on a lot less. Super mum 💪

Read up on the fourth trimester.
Slings are really useful!

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