My friend can't afford her rent. Can anyone help?

[rivery]

My friend is a lone parent to thee children. Boy ages eight, girl aged six, girl aged one.

She has been private renting and the past few years, and her landlord has just put her rent up to an unaffordable amount.

After paying her rent she is now left with only £300 per month to cover everything else, including all bills.

She's been bidding for council homes for a while, but they're like gold dust around here.

Does anyone have any advice at all please? I desperately want to help her.

Sorry to hear your friend is going through this. No advice on a bigger solution but she could check out the following link to see if there is a baby bank near her who can help with clothing/nappies other essentials for the children.
babybankalliance.org/baby-bank-map/

There is no requirement for qualifications to be a TA.

But as a SENCO I look for them when recruiting. I would not want a person with no qualifications or experience on our team.

TAs are poorly paid and although school hours it might mean still paying for wraparound care for the older 2 plus full nursery days for the baby.
Economically its not always a good choice. She might be better off working a few full days.

Secondaries where i live are desperate for TAs now because supermarkets etc pay so much more. you can get jobs based on enthusiasm, no qualifications required.

Move to a one bed or get a lodger.

What's wrong with moving to a new cheaper area?

The DCs are young enough to adapt. If local people aren't helping with childcare why stay?

Moving costs money and may require credit checks she might not now pass as she is on benefits.
I can’t imagine a lodger when you have 3 children is easy.

Ffs the comments on here. OP I wish your friend all the luck in the world. If we were all so bloody perfect eh? There are some good advice on here . Shelter are a good resource . Some people need to understand that we quality social housing so that abused mothers are not exploited by greedy landlords. How many landlords are on this thread eh ? Give this woman and her kids a bloody chance ffs .

Moving to somewhere far away from friends and family can leave you socially isolated. This woman has left an abusive relationship so is already fragile due to this. She has 3 DC so is not going to be able to get out and make new friends easily, not that it's easy as an adult anyway. Social isolation can lead to poor MH, which won't help her situation at all. That's aside from all the other issues she's likely to have around moving home.

It could take ages to be evicted, the LL has to go to court. So there's not an immediate hurry OP. Ultimately though she's probably going to end up homeless and being rehoused by the council. Which might mean moving out of area anyway. So if she does have the ability to move somewhere cheaper she should look into it, even if it means moving areas. It doesn't sound as though it's realistic for her anyway due to finances though.

Her tenancy may prohibit her subletting, including to a lodger. Most do. So that's not the easy solution people seem to think it is. That's more of a solution for homeowners, who can do what they like.

I hope you managed to come up with a plan of action with your friend OP. Taking charge of the situation is much better than ignoring it.

i really do wish people would think for 10 seconds before they post. This woman has escaped abuse, either not long before or not long after giving birth.

Childcare is not the only kind of local support she needs. She needs the support and love and understanding of friends and family who truly know her and are 100% on her side. I am living with my husband, no abuse, but I had PND and I can point to 3-4 friends and family interventions and wise words that saved me slipping further and further away because they were there and they were really seeing me.

She will be handling two older kids who have already had the disruption of a new sibling and their father leaving. Ripping them away from their local friends just leaves her more to handle.

An airy “oh, kids adapt” here and “it’s a luxury to stay off work for a year” there is ignoring the trauma this family unit has been through.

”Take a lodger” - really? She’s renting! She’s not allowed! Not to mention, there won’t be lodgers queuing up to take a spare room in a house with three kids (which would presumably only become spare by more family members sharing - I doubt she’s kicking back in a place with a billiard room and a music studio going begging)

”Move to a cheaper area” - newsflash! Rents are going up everywhere, so even if she and the kids take another few blows on the chin and cut their support networks, it might not help. Landlords are likely to have tenants asking who have more income and fewer/no kids.

Oh, and in this new area, she’s supposed to find a job, new schools for the kids, nursery for the baby (in a time when nurseries are closing because the free hours underpay them), all at once. Just like that.

As for the poster who suggested OP give her a little lecture on contraception - I don’t want this post deleted, so I won’t say what I think of you. But give yourself a hard Paddington stare in the mirror, eh?

Sheesh.

Talk to your friend about birth control
. How bloody patronising!

You've written a long rant about other comments - but what's your solution?

Nothing. Because it doesn't exist. Whether you like it or not. That's the harsh truth.

People aren't 'airily' suggesting she moves to a cheaper area or work. If she doesn't want to be made homeless and move into temporary accomodation. Those are the only options available to her.

Some people have been unnecessarily judgemental yes. But even without any judgement - which is the worse option? Is potentially living in an overcrowded, rat infested BnB near her 'support network' a better option than moving elsewhere/getting a job?
Or is she in an area with adequate temporary housing?

We don't know. It's OP's friends decision to make. But unfortunately something will have to give. Trauma etc or otherwise.

Also @SheilaFentiman Even for a council housing - she could be offered something very far away anyway! Especially if she's in an area with high demand.

I escaped abuse when my DS was a baby and had to live in hostels with him for a long period.

You still need to work if you want to be able to afford a better lifestyle, I did it with no support from anyone.

" You usually pay childcare upfront and then claim the 85% back, where is the money coming from for the first month for three children? "

I was wondering that too...

Might be worth going back to the landlord and negotiating. If she’s been a good tenant, they might prefer her to stay if the other option that is they’ll have to go to the expense of finding a new tenant, and maybe court proceedings to get her out.

I still can’t see an answer to my question about what she did for work before she had the youngest child. Because either she can go back to that job/a similar one or answer some hard questions about why she wasn’t working…

@SheilaFentiman how useful do you think your post is to OPs friend? You offer zero possible solutions you are only saying don’t disrupt the children, ie don’t go to work and don’t move. OP has already established that her friend can’t afford to just bury her head in the sand. Something has to change so she has to either up her income or lower her outgoings. Sometimes that can’t be done without a bit of disruption, however unfair that might seem.

Some very presumptuous and judgmental comments made too. She didn't choose to have a baby whilst already in "abject poverty". Circumstances, beyond her control, have meant her life has been turned on it's head.

I know, some people just have no idea/empathy/ridiculous expectations of how life happens.

Regards your friend, can she follow someone like skint dad if she doesn't already. They have suggestions on home working, raising extra income etc, legally.

I agree having a year off post birth is a luxury for many, but coping with 2 other, still small, children is added complication regarding working. I will have to cut my hours once little is at school as the wraparound care is limited, so I can see the problems, and no point paying for nursery for baby if u have to be home for the others.
School dinner (lady) server hours might work, or other lunch catering but obvs holidays would be an issue outside school.

Renting is sooooo expensive everywhere, and you can't control what rental will go up, so she could move and end up in similar position.

She's lucky to have an understanding friend like you, I hope she appreciates you

Why is she not working? I went back to work as soon as my kids were 9 months old
Can she move to a cheaper area?

OP's posts explain this. Why not read them?

But @NatalieIsFreezing they don’t explain if she worked before having the youngest child? I’m going to assume this is because she didn’t. And I’m going to reach my own conclusions about that. It sounds like things are tough but it is within her gift to try to make things a bit less tough. By getting a job.

Ops post say her youngest is 1 year old. So she could be working

Some really horrible comments here, not have had a 3rd baby, did anyone read that's she's left an abusive relationship? Would you berate a woman in a shelter for her number of DC? Even with subsidised childcare it is incredibly hard to juggle work around 3 young kids with no support, I've been there and it's very very difficult.

The benefit system for unemployed people isn't as generous as some people make it out to be. People are always better off working with UC top ups, even with childcare costs.

For everyone saying she should get a job.. if she was of that mid set she’d be already in a job anyway!

OP - you say ‘life happens’ regarding your mate but you dont say what her ‘life’ was .. she’s been renting for good while (at least a good few years i’m assuming ,??) because she’s had a ‘set rent ‘ and im
assuming with the little info you’ve provided

her and her OH lived in a flat .. the cost /rent for the area .. the flat was a really good (cheaper than comparable flats) in said area because the rent cap allowance in benefits was enough and someday over?

Two little ones , some free childcare thrown in .. your mate being a ‘FTM’ and getting full whack of UC and OH doing a bit of cash in hand ??

get pregnant again .. all is ‘well’ until it isn’t

OH leaves/ your mate has had enough etc and THEN the land lords wake up and think ‘we’re renting this place out barely a profit ‘ put prices up by £300 a month .. OP now feeling the pinch

Now throw a third rugrat in the mix ..

^ purely assumptions *

so those saying on this thread ‘tell your mate to get a job - she ALWAYS be better off having a job !’

err no she won’t! What job does she have that the OP has ‘conveniently just happen go not mention?’

Let say she does cleaning at £11.45 minimum wage .. who will have three very young kids .. even just one of those is a baby ! who is willing to have a baby on random little shifts of hours and for how much for ?

This is why young mums like this lady .. it’s almost a ‘given’ that babies and a flat are a ‘lifestyle choice’ UNTIL the rental market (unfairly ) catches up and the local cost of living benefits don’t match for match ..

lastly a few commentators have asked/ said/mentioned in the MOST BLASE and flippant way ‘ there are FOUR grandparents in the mix here .. why don’t they come together and pay the rent ?!’ WHO do you know thay pays rent for others ?? unless your name is Paris hilton of course??!

and even more commentors have asked ‘can’t neighbours or friends just baby sit while mum goes out in the evenings and flea tesco / cleaning or bar work ?? WTAF? WHO do you know how ‘just babysits for a two little kids and a baby while their mum does a nightshirt in a supermarket or a pub? i see it mentioned all the time .. where are these ‘neighbours’ ? Cause i’ve yet to meet these apron cake wearing maternal sweet motherly neighbours who’ll just scoop up random neighbours kiddos and babysit all night .. i mean COME ON

Lastly op i get ‘life happens ‘ but it was my dream to have a third child but resources didn’t allow this to happen in a practical way .. so assuming when expecting or before third DC came along money was ok ? where was the cut off point from jobs ok ? savings ok ? and if it wasn’t the case then of course she needs a little ‘birds and the bees lesson’ (or shake!) and before anyone says ‘how patronising ? how dare you say this …

well guess what .. i DARE! cause who’s the ones left paying and picking up the pieces?? these imaginary ‘neigbours’ giving ‘free babysitting services’ ? the dead beat father? the woman who has had another baby? the woman’s very own (kind) friend on here posting can’t even help ..so who pays ? where does all these ‘extras’ come from they everyone commenting saying she’s ’entitled to’ coming from? grows on trees? having dc is a luxury! having time off with them is a luxury!

and for all those saying they landlords are ‘greedy’ for pushing prices up etc .. then why don’t any of you private message the OP and put up this mum and her three babies in your home? or offer free babysitting ? it’s always someone else’s problem isn’t it ..