How disgusting is your teenagers bedroom?

[NoEffingWay]

Long story short, DS is almost 13. Today he lost his glasses so for the first time in ages I had to do a deep dive into his room. It was foul, clean clothes are delivered and it turns out he's not been putting them away, rather he has been shoving them under his bed..

Ironically enough, the glasses were found in his laundry bin wrapped in amongst some pants. It took over 2 hours to find them amongst the rubbish, empty cans, teaspoons, rubbish and general dirt.

Every week he is asked to clean it, and it seems he has mastered the 'hide it away so on inspection it looks cleaner'.

Words have been had! not envy, more vomit

Dishes under the bed? That is rank. I clean both their rooms every weekend.
And dirty plates get put on their pillows.
No way would I let them accept some of the above!
It's called respect!

Yup.

3 boys here, & they wouldn't be allowed to get to this stage. I pop in regularly to put stuff away/ hoover/ open windows. If it's not great they get asked to respectfully tidy. Untidy I can handle, dirty no chance.

All this 'It's their space' is great IF they are respectful that it's also part of our home.

DS2 (17) has adhd & needs clear instructions about what to do/ how to do it, so I need to keep on him. I see it as a duty that he'll know how to keep any space of his own in future clean & tidy & not expect someone else to just do it for him.

I feel slightly better at the state of my older son's rooms now.

I have twin 15 YOs who have their own room. Until two years ago they shared, and while they weren't tidy, they weren't disgusting. Now, they're disgusting. Cans all over the place, remnants of biscuits and crisp packets, all interspersed with dirty and clean clothing and bed linens that only get changed if I nag.

I don't "allow" food upstairs, but other than bollocking them when I find it and making them bring it all downstairs and sort it out, I'm not sure how to deal with it really?!

My dd is pretty good, clothes are the worst thing, the pile of clothes to put away grows and grows until there's more clothes on her desk than in her wardrobe!

But it's not dirty iykwim.

Not too bad. I mucked out DS' room today, while he's on holiday with his dad. Pulled out all the furniture, cleaned the carpet etc.

The trick is not to allow food upstairs.

It was pretty dusty (he's supposed to hoover twice a month) but no mould or festering plates.

Not at all disgusting. It’s not hard to make DC’s rooms pleasant spaces.

Food is generally not eaten upstairs, and if it is, glasses and bowls are expected to be put on the dishwasher. Both kids put dirty (and sometimes not dirty) clothes in the laundry hamper. Everything has a spot, books and gadgets are put away. Our cleaner comes once a week. And once a fortnight or so I help them to have a good sort out. Anything not needed goes to the charity shop or gets binned.

Both DC are neurodivergent and are happier, calmer and more relaxed in tidy, calm spaces. They love and are proud of the rooms they designed themselves and I hope they are learning that they deserve and have the ability to live in a lovely space.

@Puffalicious I agree with this. ND or not, young people need to be shown how to manage and maintain their own space, not just be left to get on with it. Being clean, tidy and organised in a space is both good for wellbeing and an important life skill.

As a teen, my daughter was utterly disgusting. When she went to uni and I got into her room to clean, I couldn't believe it. I removed 25, yes 25, sacks of rubbish. I found a pizza that had grown a plant. It was horrific. Now she has her own place, it's spotless. The cow 😆

I have a 13 year old daughter whose room is disgusting! Everything thrown on the floor, rubbish shoved in the drawers, rotting food etc.
She's a great kid with a very busy life and I just wonder if something has to give. This is the one area where she's failing.
I can't bear it so often tidy up myself, only for it to be messy again two days later. When she does tidy, let's just say it's not up to my standard!

DD17 is getting better. She seems to be slowly understanding the merits of a reasonably clean and tidy space.

My DS15 keeps his spotless, it has become the kids summer place to be
DS17 lives in a tip. But he's 17, so as long as all my plates and glasses come down it's on his back.

Both rooms are tidy, I make sure they are.

It isn’t their ‘private’ space any more than my room is my private space. A closed door means privacy is required and that is understood. Any other time the whole house is everyone’s. I wouldn’t go in their drawers unless I was helping them get organised or they were smelly.

I make it clear that the cleaner goes in once a week and it has to be completely tidy by then so that she can clean.

I don’t think teens want a messy room, I think it just builds up gradually and them the task of tidying seems insurmountable. But there is a real cost to being untidy. Things get lost and have to be bought twice and you can’t find things that you want quickly. Also, judging by some of the descriptions on this site, spilt liquids or food on surfaces mean you have to redecorate rooms more often.

I see teaching them how to be tidy and clean like any other part of parenting, lead by example and ‘scaffold’ the process, start doing most of it yourself, show them the process and let them do more and more themselves. Also explain clearly the benefits.

Ds is 19 (home from uni at the mo) and his room is not too bad. There are two empty cans on his desk with some clutter of various devices on it too, and his laundry basket is full to the brim, and inside his wardrobe is messy - clothes not folded or shoved too tight in the drawers or shelves and mixed up with charger cables and deodorant cans etc. And there are books shoved under his bed, which he needs to tidy away actually.

He's never been that bad - any time his room got messy when he was younger, he'd have to clean it! (Before getting his phone or internet).

Ds2 is 10 and his room is tidy all the time. He hates mess, puts things immediately in the bin downstairs.

I couldn't imagine mould and some of the stuff mentioned in this thread! Ds1 does tell me some stories of the disgusting people he lived with at uni last year with zero hygiene standards or ability to look after themselves, so it's not surprising.

DS14 and DD11 are both clean freaks, they take pride in having clean and tidy rooms, I think it was because we decorated them a few years ago, they were at an age where they understood the transformation, we put in nice pictures, furniture, lighting and furnishings. This means they make their beds every morning, we don’t allow food upstairs, and they always have a glass of water in their rooms. We have a huge laundry basket outside both their rooms so it’s really easy to pop dirty clothes in there.
They also really care about general tidiness in the home and help me clean when I ask them, though there will be occasional grumbling at having to hoover anything outside their room, but when I start with the “we’re all occupants of this house and DH and I both work too” etc, they do end up helping