how much do you do for your teenage child?

[FunnysInLaJardin]

it seems that there is a real divide here and so am very interested to know what is normal.

I have a 14 yo and an 18 yo. We cook their main meal for them usually, do their washing, make lunches for college, run them to activities if we need to, take them to the bus stop in the morning.

They will sort their own food if we are not around, make their beds, keep their rooms and areas tidy, get themselves around by bus or walking, put their washing away, change their bedding. Obvs organise and complete any school work.

Would you say that is normal?

[DiscoBeat]

Sounds pretty much identical to us!

[DiscoBeat]

(except ours are 16 and 13)

[MumChp]

Mine did tea once a week, did their own lunches on a daily basis, transported themselves to school and activities.
They helped with laundry and chores at home on a daily basis but of course school work was a first priority.

I am not running a hotel. The next in line teenager will have to sort quite a lot too of her on stuff.

[legalseagull]

Id say it's too much. Why can't they make their own lunch? The 18 year old is an adult and a 14 year old is more than capable. Also - getting them to the bus stop???

[FunnysInLaJardin]

I thought it was quite normal and a good introduction to eventually being independent, but I have seen parents who think they should be entirely self sufficient and self supporting by the age of 18.

That is fine if its essential, but not normal to me

[DelilahBucket]

Sounds similar to here although DS16 does also help with chores in the house like vacuuming, emptying/loading the dishwasher, hanging washing out. He goes to a school that isn't on an easy bus route (our decision to send him there) so he does get quite a few lifts to mates houses, but he has a bus pass and largely makes his own way around.

[DGPP]

My parents did all you’re doing and I’ve turned out responsible, capable, fine and kind! I can imagine I’ll be doing similar amounts for my DC (though maybe not packed lunch)

[FunnysInLaJardin]

@legalseagull

Id say it's too much. Why can't they make their own lunch? The 18 year old is an adult and a 14 year old is more than capable. Also - getting them to the bus stop???

if I am making my own lunch for work it seems rather churlish not to make theirs too. And of course they can make their own lunch

We live a 45 minute walk from the nearest bus stop. Afternoons is fine as we are still at work, but mornings is a bit mean when we are going that way anyway

[Youdontevengohere]

I definitely wouldn’t be making packed lunches for an 18 year old (or a 14 year old for that matter). Otherwise it all sounds normal.

[WoodBurningStov]

@FunnysInLaJardin

it seems that there is a real divide here and so am very interested to know what is normal.

I have a 14 yo and an 18 yo. We cook their main meal for them usually, do their washing, make lunches for college, run them to activities if we need to, take them to the bus stop in the morning.

They will sort their own food if we are not around, make their beds, keep their rooms and areas tidy, get themselves around by bus or walking, put their washing away, change their bedding. Obvs organise and complete any school work.

Would you say that is normal?

Same as we do for our 16 yr old dd

[Swoopy]

Sounds normal to me, I'm always surprised by the number of people on here who live with their teen children like flatmates, everyone cooking their own meals and running individual loads of laundry. Fine if it suits you but it wouldn’t suit me at all.

[Youdontevengohere]

@FunnysInLaJardin

if I am making my own lunch for work it seems rather churlish not to make theirs too. And of course they can make their own lunch

We live a 45 minute walk from the nearest bus stop. Afternoons is fine as we are still at work, but mornings is a bit mean when we are going that way anyway

In the same vein… if they make their own packed lunches, they could make one for you too?

[171513mum]

Sounds similar to me except mine make their own lunches and don't usually get a lift to bus stop/train station unless it's pouring with rain. Mine definitely don't keep their rooms clean and tidy though..... but they do empty the dishwasher and clean the bathroom. I think I should make them do more....

[FunnysInLaJardin]

@Youdontevengohere

In the same vein… if they make their own packed lunches, they could make one for you too?

I have a very complicated salad...it wouldn't be fair!

[FunnysInLaJardin]

@Swoopy

Sounds normal to me, I'm always surprised by the number of people on here who live with their teen children like flatmates, everyone cooking their own meals and running individual loads of laundry. Fine if it suits you but it wouldn’t suit me at all.

that's my view, they are part of the household so why wouldn't you still do stuff for them

[Youdontevengohere]

It’s not really ‘fair’ that you make 15 (20?) packed lunches a week and they all make none.
Obviously if you enjoy doing it that’s fine, just it could be a job that is shared out.

[spriots]

I don't have children that age but what stands out to me is that it doesn't sound like they do anything for the household?

At 14, let alone 18, I did plenty of chores that weren't just partially cleaning up after myself - things like doing a share of cooking meals for everyone, hoovering, gardening, cleaning etc.

[FunnysInLaJardin]

@Youdontevengohere

It’s not really ‘fair’ that you make 15 (20?) packed lunches a week and they all make none.
Obviously if you enjoy doing it that’s fine, just it could be a job that is shared out.

I take your point but I honesty don't mind as DH makes their lunches! We are all home by about 5pm so dont work late etc

[praywood]

@FunnysInLaJardin

I thought it was quite normal and a good introduction to eventually being independent, but I have seen parents who think they should be entirely self sufficient and self supporting by the age of 18.

That is fine if its essential, but not normal to me

Not normal to me either OP. my way of showing love is to care for people, spoil them. That's family, partner, friends. My parents didn't have much money but I was deeply loved and cared for. I have more money so I mirror my parents with added extras.

I'm in the process of leaving a relationship because if differences in approach to this.

[praywood]

@Youdontevengohere

I definitely wouldn’t be making packed lunches for an 18 year old (or a 14 year old for that matter). Otherwise it all sounds normal.

I make them for a 21 yo. I'm first up, making lunch for me. It's no skin off my nose.

[Youdontevengohere]

@praywood

I make them for a 21 yo. I'm first up, making lunch for me. It's no skin off my nose.

Fab

[FortyFacedFuckers]

I have an 18 year old I make his dinners, lunches for work, breakfast/lunch on the weekends, I do his washing, he drives so not really running him around, although on the odd occasion he wants a lift to a friends or the pub I will take him/pick him up.

I don't get people that wouldn't do this stuff.

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Sounds about right 🤷‍♀️

I don't have to worry about taking to bus stops or lunches as dd gets a lunch at college and the bus stop is down the end of our road.

[Kneeslikethese]

Sounds about the same as us.
I also make everyone's packed lunch (including dh's) I don't mind doing it.
They always help out if I ask them to wash up, take the rubbish out or put a wash load on but they don't have specific chores other than their rooms and bedding and generally not leaving a mess anywhere.