(Trigger warning) Assisted suicide - Caroline March

[Clumsywithwords]

Name changed for this but regular MN user.

I have read and cannot stop thinking about the event rider Caroline March who sadly had a bad riding accident in 22 which resulted to her breaking two vertebrae in her spine, losing the use of her legs and this week has died by assisted suicide, due to the effects of her injuries.

She left with a very moving letter/post (which is circulating round most newspapers forums and isn’t hard to find) which explains why mentally and emotionally she couldn’t go on.

I can’t really articulate what I feel about this, just that I haven’t stopped thinking about her and how she came to the choice she did and while I support assisted dying and can’t even imagine what a horrific injury this must have been to come to terms with, I was (possibly naively) shocked that someone who wasn’t terminally ill or with a degenerative condition could end their life this way.

I’ve read many say that it was such a frank and brave thing to admit and do and there is an element of braveness to it, certainly her letter definitely encapsulates her fierceness of character but I guess I’m on the fence to where the line is for assisted dying and I’m finding her end choice hard to process…

Has anyone else had mixed feelings on this?

Yeah I read about this and felt a bit the same but then told myself it’s not for me to think that I guess as I have no idea what she’s going through. There seem to be many people who adapt well to being in a wheelchair and I did think maybe if she’d just given it a bit longer? But her life must have been so very different from what she was used to. So sad.

Her obituary says she was "confined" to a wheelchair. Media reporting and society attitudes towards wheelchairs no doubt contributed to her negative mindset.

Maybe if there was more positivity in the reporting of disabilities, with less of a scrounger tag, Caroline may have felt differently about her lift post accident.

However, her life, her choice. I just wish it hadn't turned out like this.

I’ve also been thinking of her all day. I can totally understand why she made the choice she did. She really gave recovery every shot she could and her quality of life due to the injury meant she had no joy left.

It’s quite close to home for me in that I had a bad riding accident quite a long time ago now and I broke my back quite badly. I am extremely lucky that I’ve made a full recovery but it nearly wasn’t that way for me, a few mini meters more movement of my vertebrae and my life could have been very different.

I think when I was recovering I reflected on this a lot and if I couldn’t live a life doing things that I love, I probably would have wanted to take the same course of action. I don’t think I would now, as I have young children and they need me and would be a reason to keep going.

I really strongly agree with assisted suicide fwiw. Selfishly, I really hope we have it here when I’m (hopefully) a lot older and may need it. I think we always assume that assisted dying is just for older people, though I think that younger people who feel their quality of life is unbearable and unchangeable should absolutely have the option to choose.

I cared for a man in his 40s who had been paralysed from the neck down following a bike accident. He was incredibly rude, stand offish and frankly quite nasty when I first started going to him - and I used to dread his name coming up on my rota. Until one afternoon when I was alone with him and I asked him if he minded me asking a few questions about him so I could better understand what he needed from me. It broke my heart when he explained to me what not even being able to clean his own teeth felt like. Having a permanent catheter. Not being able to sleep in a bed with his wife. Not give his children a hug. To be pitied by everyone who saw the wheelchair and not the person sat in it. We slowly became quite open with one another and he honestly spoke about assisted dying - going to Dignitas but he didn't feel that he could put his family through him "choosing" to die having had medics fight so very hard to initially save his life.

I would never judge anyone who can't tolerate a very different life from the one they had before an accident. They're often huge thrillseekers/risk takers and removing that is tantamount to removing their very spirit.

I don't feel conflicted. I do struggle to understand why people would think it's not your right to choose when to end your life.
I hope it's available to me one day if I need it.

She made it clear she enjoyed adrenaline filled activities and that was all taken from her.

I think she had full mental capability to make the decision and I have no doubt that plenty around her would have felt it was made very quickly after the accident, I believe she knew exactly what she was doing and what she wanted to do.

Life is very unfair for some people. Perhaps what’s even more unfair is to be forced into living that life. Caroline wanted to live on her terms and when they were taken away because of her injures, she clearly made what she felt was the right decision.

Yes!I'll try and articulate this as well as I can, but I'm not always good at writing my thoughts down.I lost my son to suicide, but as he was at the other side of the world I'll never know, why he did it.Caroline's family and friends at least can take a bit comfort in the fact that she knew what she was doing, they didn't have the devastating news in the middle of the night, but will probably still spend the rest of their life wondering if there was anything they could've done to stop her.From my own thoughts, I can't help but think she must've still have had something to give, find joy and happiness in something, but I don't know her and have no idea what her life was like after her accident and what she felt every day. It must be so hard to.make that decision when you potentially have another 40/50 years of life, or maybe that's what makes it easier. I fully support assisted dying, but always thought it was more for people who were terminally ill.I think she has been incredibly brave, and so has her family, my heart honestly goes out to them. So, 2 suicides, different reasons and circumstances, and I still don't know exactly what I was trying to say, the whole thing is very very sad

God, sorry! I did have paragraphs!

I think it's fine to be surprised or shocked that someone decided to end their life, and to believe that you would not make the same choice. But just like I might not chose to have an abortion in someone else's situation I feel very strongly that everyone should have the right to end a pregnancy or to end their own life.

I don't think it's up to us to feel comfortable with someone else's decision, it's up to them and them only to be comfortable with it. Us being uncomfortable shouldn't change their right to choose IMO.

Her letter is heartbreaking, it boils down to she lost her entire identity and any joy from life due to this fall. She went through extensive treatments but nothing could give her back her bladder, bowel and sexual function. I think when looked at in that context I'm sympathetic to why she went down this path.

I think something like this is always going to bring out the questions around what you would, even though you will never actually know until you’re (hopefully not) in that position. Similar to TMFR. I saw in a different thread the other day that there is a proposal from an MP to stop TMFR after 24 weeks for Down syndrome diagnoses. People take it very personally, think that is an attack on their loved one with Down syndrome. Therefore, this is an attack on all wheelchair users, they must have no quality life. However, everything is a spectrum and what one person can cope with is completely different to what another person can cope with. It doesn’t make one decision right or wrong. It was the right decision for Caroline but may be the wrong decision for someone else.

I think the worry is that it could be seen to be a slippery slope. With mental health provision as bad as it is now, will people who could be a bad place temporarily end their life when proper mental health support could have helped them? Although I think the process is still robust enough that if someone is able-bodied they can commit suicide regardless.

@Goldenboysmum I am very sorry for the loss of your son x

Thank you x

I too have thought about this all day. I'm very conflicted about even discussing it. I have cried for her and for the people left behind. Rest easy dear girl.

I don't know who she is and I haven't seen the letter.

What I do know is that I fully support anyone's decision to end their life and being given the opportunity to say their goodbyes, sadly something those currently taking their own lives by uncertain means don't have.

I have cancer. Chemo didn't work and surgery isn't possible. When the time comes I have enough money to go to Dignitas but to protect my family I will need to go alone rather than waste away in a hospice waiting to die. I wish we could do it legally in UK.

I have to admit I've never heard of her but I'd probably make the same decisions. I don't really get why society is so focused on longevity when I'd consider quality of life much more important.

I hope by the time I'm old it's available in the UK

I doubt it. She could not have the life she craved in a wheelchair (and the incontinence and sexual issues that came with it). This is why I don't think the social model of disability is particularly helpful.

My Mum had Lymphoma for 10 years. She was taken very ill after 3 years and was not expected to survive her 4 ressucitation attempts after a huge gastric bleed when the cancer had eaten into her spleen and stomach and months in hospital but did and survived to lead a reasonably pleasant life, with a huge abdominal hernia but she was a fighter. After that she had several more rounds of chemo and radiation and developed many skin cancers which had to be treated, some of which ate away at her leg and face. I cannot imagine the stress which each appointment caused her and my Dad or the tests and treatments which she had to endure or the pain which she experienced. Of course the worry for the rest of us to was pretty awful too. I miss my Mum dreadfully and wish that she was still here with us, more so for my Dad as they had been married 60 years. My Mum chose to live until the cancer took her away from us, I however would make a different choice. My Mum's decision is very different to mine and nobody else has the right to decide who is right or wrong in these circumstances.

The letter says it all really
She thrived on adrenaline, horse riding, sex, danger, and everything was taken away from her
There was no getting around some of the things she had lost and she couldn't live without them

I can 100% see why she chose it. I had cauda equina and the first thing I asked when I woke up was "when can I ride again?"
If I had a dementia diagnosis I would like to be able to make that choice too

She had a long life ahead of her being stuck in a situation that made her miserable. It is shocking because she was so young and her condition wasn’t terminal, but I think 2 years of living with her injuries was long enough to make an informed choice that living that life wasn’t for her. Brave lady, right to the end.

I remember a similar story a few years ago ,a young rugby player who likewise was paralysed below the waist ,who went to dignitas similarly only a short time after injury.although I understand many peoples reasons for going and am supportive of assisted dying becoming a choice here in the uk,I felt sad for him and now for her …..2 years is a blink of an eye when it comes to grieving for the loss of a functioning body in a sudden accident. I feel people in this situation have not had the time to become adjusted to a new life ,being paralysed below the waist allows far more function than a high cervical injury and they may have changed their minds had they had longer term psychological support.

Personally, I think it's perfectly acceptable to choose assisted suicide, even when not terminally ill. It should be the individual's decision to make at any time. It is absolutely barbaric that we live in a so-called civilised country and yet we are legally denied what should be a basic human right. If someone has had their choice respected, then I'm very pleased for her.

I remember a similar story a few years ago ,a young rugby player who likewise was paralysed below the waist

I remember this, but he was paralyzed from the chest down, which seems a much more limited life. I have sometimes thought about what life would be like in a wheelchair, and no one would choose it, but her decision seems incredibly extreme.

I’m a hospice nurse. We give the most wonderful care to our end of life patients and I have witnessed dozens of peaceful deaths. But I still want the right to choose.

I've got cancer too.

I hate the thought of spending £15 k of money I could leave to my children on Dignitas

If I get to that point I hope I find another way to end my life.