Is this what burnout feels like?

[hangingonbymy]

I work long hours in a stressful job. I have a senior management role and the decisions I make on a daily basis very much affect lives in a meaningful sense. It is within the public sector and since Covid is very challenging. We are also entering a very big period of change.
I have four children, older but there have been some significant challenges in recent years. We have aging parents too.
In the past few weeks I have felt increasingly disconnected from the work: I am still performing at work but it feels like a mask I put on as I leave the house. At home I feel like I just want silence. This weekend I have wanted to scream at anyone who has asked me anything no matter how minor. Making plans - even what to have for dinner just feel beyond me.
Last week I ended up in urgent care with acute stomach pain. Appendicitis was ruled out and I now sure it is stress.
I am not really sure why I am posting other than to reassure myself that I am not crazy and maybe look for advice.

I could have written all of these, currently signed off from a toxic stressful nhs mid manager role, after being the swan for as long as I can recall, along with growing up with expectations of coping.
Definately burnout and you need to take some time for you, to reset the boundaries and find a better work life balance, which is where I am currently.
Good luck.

@hangingonbymy "I work long hours in a stressful job. I have a senior management role and the decisions I make on a daily basis very much affect lives in a meaningful sense."

"We have a cleaner and I know I am very lucky"

I just have to comment on this! You don't have to feel lucky or grateful to have a cleaner, given the busy life you have. Employing a cleaner is an essential component of your life.

What else could you outsource? Laundry, ironing? Could you buy 'ready meals' from local caterers? How do your senior male colleagues manage their domestic arrangements? I bet their mental load isn't as huge as yours.

It's good that you're taking up yoga again. Be kind to yourself. 💐

Op - with the acute stomach pain - did they rule out ulcers? When I was stressed I had appalling trouble with stomach ulcers. I don't now remember the last time they were an issue. The stress went and so did they. They are a very common complaint for people in deep stress.

sometimes we need to rest as much as we can stress every day can lead to chronic health problems mine was caused by not being able to absorb vitamin d and diet eat a moderate diet stay as well as you can i had kids, ended up with autoimmune problems which never ever go away. learn flight or fight stress response

Whenever I read threads like this, I think about that children’s story, “We’re going on a bear hunt…” - something horrible is ahead of you - you can’t go under it, or over it, or round it so you have to go through it, no matter how deeply unpleasant it is. And at the end is a massive godawful bear in a dark cave and you wonder why you took the journey in the first place.

OP it sounds like classic burn out to me. Kids, ageing parents, stressful job, menopause, can’t escape because you need the money.

A massage ain’t gonna fix that.

I would seriously examine the assertion “can’t afford to stop working at this pace”.
Financially maybe true. But how long can you physically and emotionally afford to carry on working at this pace? Ten years? Can you do this for ten years?

Someone mentioned boundaries upthread OP and for me this was the biggest thing for my recovery. I realised I had NO boundaries in place and was just allowing everyone (even those who love me like my DP and DC) to trample my boundaries without really meaning to. I was subconsciously inviting people to walk all over me!

It was like I was metaphorically acting as everyone else’s battery charger and the more they took the more I drained.

When I started putting boundaries in place that was the start of my recovery. They all resisted at first but now they are used to having to think things through without me and do things by themselves more! This can apply to family, friends and work.

Sometimes I think this can go hand in hand with people-pleasing. We females are often (not all) brought up to be kind, helpful, amenable etc and this can feed into burnout I believe. Does this resonate?

Thank you everyone - I have read all the replies and taking it all in.
Lots of what you say resonates - I will keep in touch

Bollocks. I’m plenty resilient and able to cope with stress thanks. I did for years and years (over 30). A particular variety of narcissistic, dangerous management and overwork finally gave me burnout and ended my career.
Stop victim blaming.

also work in public sector trying to provide services with very little resources. Huge feeling of uncertainty with more cuts /demands looming. I feel near to burn out and raised this with my line manager last week. Also post meno with elderly parent.
my boundaries are strict around working outside of hours trying to keep up with demand so that gives me a break. However also means work never gets done. No answers but try and keep some of your weekends for yourself.

I reached a point around a year ago where I was feeling incredibly irritable all the time and was struggling trying to fit too much work into too few hours, and I felt that the pressure was becoming unmanageable, and the work not enjoyable. I was regularly getting into arguments with my other half and lacked patience with everyone. I was eating a load of sugar to keep up my energy for the unmanageable workload. I changed my lifestyle considerably and now only work around 24 hours a week and I spend my free time exercising and doing things that bring me calm.

I earn less but its enough to pay for what I need, and I have some passive income, so its been fine. I'd rather have less money and my sanity (and health) than try and keep going as I was.

Adding to this thread as I just googled burnout as I think that's where I am. All your posts make sense.

I'm thinking I need a different job. I've been signed off this week and have next week off anyway

Its hard knowing what to do as one of the jobs I'm looking at is also insufficient resources to meet need but it's wfh so may be better work life wise.

I exhausted.

This is a very individualistic way of viewing it. I see burnout occurring when organisations put far too much pressure on, pile on the work and then expect individuals to cope with it better via mindfulness, meditation, 'self care'. Those things are a product of a wellbeing industry. It would be far better to sort out the systemic cause of burnout than place sticking plasters over the effect.

hmmm. i wondering if going into the role im lolking at is just exchanging one level of stress for another