Talk to me about Godparent duties.

[HalebiHabibti]

I would appreciate any help on this! I am one of 4 women who have been picked as 'godmummies' to a lovely baby girl. I don't know the others well, so am just focusing on what is expected of me personally as a godparent and leaving the others to do as they wish.

I am dimly aware of the religious guidance aspect, which is a bit of a non-starter as I'm not at all religious (the parents know this and have said it is not a problem). So my question really is: how do I do godparenting please 😂 I am on board with generally being present in her life, making a fuss on birthdays etc, but am not sure what else people usually do.

My starting idea is to quietly put a small amount of money (25 quid/month) in an account for the young lady so it adds up over time. Please tell me if that is weird!

They don't usually do anything. I suspect my children's godparents probably still pray for them every now and then, but haven't seen them for years and years. The kids are all atheists anyway.

Are the parents religious? I think the whole thing is rather outdated if they are not and no one needs 4 godmothers!

I'd buy a gift for the baptism / christening and that's pretty much the end of it.

Yep it's all about being a religious parent. Looking after their religious life

If they've not put you down as the people who would care for the child in the case of their death, they're after pretty pictures and endless presents usually (according to mn)

I'll pass that on, thanks 😂

It's really just an honourary thing. I'd find it strange if my children's godparents had savings accounts for them and stuff.

Just being present in their lives is the main thing, a source of moral support / confidante / safe person in addition to parents would mean a lot, presents at birthdays are nice but the thought should mean more that the value, financial contributions are not needed / expected in my experience. A nice gesture if you are very close and can afford it, but not at all required.

IDK, I think both parents had more than their fair share of Difficult Families growing up and so this is their way of making friends into something closer to family members (a variant on village mentality). They are lovely people so I am quite ready to be adopted by them! We see them fairly often.

I will prob do the savings thing anyway tbh, I did the sums and it'll be a 10.8k lump sum by the time she's 18! Not terrible.

I was brought up in a religious family, I had two god mothers and two god fathers
Each did absolutely nothing because I honestly just think the ‘god-person’ thing it’s a practice to make others included where they generally wouldn’t necessarily be.
Also, FOUR godmothers!? What!?
I would scrap being a god-person and just be a bloody good auntie or friend instead…
Im now not religious at all.

I think the 4 godmothers thing came from the fact that traditionally you'd ask two couples (ie 4 people), but in my friends' case they preferred 4 individual women so went with that.

I plan to be a bloody good honorary auntie as well!

I am a "godmother" - always described as such, albeit without the christening! My husband and I were actually named as legal guardians, which is far more significant.
I always kept in touch with my GD, saw her often, took her on trips out/away, sent presents etc. I also made monthly payments into a savings account, until she turned 18, at which point she had a few £thousand. Up to her how she spends it, but good to know she has that cushion.
It is a lovely role, OP, but also what you make it.

The idea of a godparent is to be a good role model and guide the child, emotionally, practically and to introduce God into their life and encourage their faith.

i don’t understand why you would accept to be a god parent if you aren’t religious. I think the clue is in the title. “Godparent”

I do 100€ ish at Christmas and birthday. And like the occasional thing on instagram. Otherwise it has just engendered 16 years of guilt for being crap.

Think its more just honorary nowadays

For my goddaughter i purchased a pandora bracelet then each birthday and xmas got a charm. She now has a pretty full bracelet and getting to an age she is allowed to wear it for special occasions

I'd be a bit careful about the money thing as if the family have further children whose godparents don't do similar then one will get a huge lump sum at 18 and the others won't which could be tricky. One of my DCs sets of godparents give much more generously than my other DCs and while both are fine and we didn't ask them in any expectation of gifts it does feel a little awkward at Christmas when one gets generous cash/gifts and the other doesn't.

For us it really meant adults outside the immediate family who would be around for the long term for them to turn to if they needed support and just generally be there for them.

I'm not religious but GP to 3 who are now all teens. I've just always made an effort on their birthdays and christmas, none of them live nearby so they tend to come and stay or I stay with them so when they were little I'd try to do something nice such as a day out or theatre / cinema when I saw them or now we'd perhaps go out for lunch or even just walk the dog together. Now they're all teens so I occasionally whatsapp them messages or funny little things or things i've seen that i think they'll like etc. One is applying to uni in the city where I live so she's threatened to bring her laundry when she comes for sunday dinner if she gets in ;)

I have a friend in this role - and he is perfect. He spent a lot of time with my kids when they were smaller and now they are very comfortable with him in an “uncle” sort of way; they’ll text each other and that sort of thing. Hopefully when they’re a bit older still he can be a trusted adult to whom they can turn if they don’t want to ask a parent - that sort of thing. He shows a lot of interest in them, he’s got to know them and he is thoughtful and generous for birthdays and Christmas. They are really fond of him.

I'm a non religious godmother to 4, and actually very involved with mine. I even ended up as a guardian to one while she was at boarding school! But I do think my situation is pretty unusual....

I didnt get into money or savings for godkids as I have another 6 between sisters kids. Godkid for another nephew. Gets endless.... I just give for birthdays

One if mine the mother asked me to help sort out his holy communion and reconciliation.

When we were doing the sacramental prep for another, the priest said he always gets his godchildren cards and a little religious trinket on the anniversary of their baptisms.

Thanks all for the advice! I accepted because they asked me and explicitly said that my lack of religion was not a barrier. Therefore I was very happy to accept.

Good shout re other children being left out: I have asked friends who are godparents to the other child and they said they plan to do the same re financial cushion. So all equal there....

The origins are in the religious side - so prayer etc. for the child...
but it is quite common now to have a non-religious approach and for that to be about building another trusted adult into the network of those who support the child as they grow into being an adult...

This site might have some thoughts? https://www.godparentguide.com/

I have a godson who unfortunately doesn't live very nearby (approx 300 miles away) so I see him about once a year.
I get him and his little sister Birthday and Christmas presents but never thought of setting up a savings account for him?
My godparents weren't very involved with me growing up (one of them apparently gave me lots of presents as a baby/toddler but then left her husband for a woman and went no contact with everyone, another was a close friend of my parents but just isn't really any more 🤷‍♀️)
My DD's godparents are a married couple, also live a long way away but we see them a couple of times a year, they send presents for birthdays and Christmas and take her for days out. I can't imagine they would think of saving money for her (and I wouldn't expect them to!) but if both DH and I were to die we have made sure everyone knows we would expect the godparents to move to our city and look after DD (they are happy with this arrangement,no DCs of their own)
I think the charm bracelet idea is a sweet one, and just checking in on her life. I hope to be someone my godson can come and stay with for weekends/events should he so wish when he's older, maybe help him look around universities this side of the country or similar!

I have 3 godsons of various ages, and I don't do anything. (I'd do anything for them if needed, including bringing them up if anything happened to the parents). None of the parents are religious tho, which probably explains it

I'm not religious and my children have Godparents (so sue me!) Ours do a mixture (gifts for the christening and at Xmas/birthdays) but my eldest's godfather has done what you're proposing and has set up a DD of a set amount a month which she will get when she's 18. My Stepmum also bought some premium bonds so that could be another idea.

I have two god children (neither in a religious way) and what I do is:

Birthday presents
Offered babysitting approx once a year
Once they got to about 5, offered to take them out for a day to something tailored to their interests - again usually about once a year

Mine are 9 and 11 now, I don't know if they will stop wanting to come out with me but I hope not!

My aim with all of this really is that they hopefully see me as a trusted adult in their lives and should they ever need help, I will be there