What are funerals like in the UK? Do you see the ashes?

[Cattlepillar]

TW: death and miscarriage

I've been to a couple of funerals in Asia and it is the custom here that you do the funeral and then the cremation. A day or so after the cremation close relatives go to pick up the urn but you get the remains in a big bowl and take it in turns to ceremonially transfer a bone fragment into the urn. The person in charge will point out which bone fragments are which. I think there is a special way they're supposed to be packed with eg the pieces of skull on the top.

Sorry if this sounds really morbid. I don't think it's done like this in the UK, is it? I have never been to a close relatives funeral in the UK. I had seen pictures of this ceremony for DH's grandparents funerals so I was not shocked when we did the same for MIL. Most recently, and tragically, DH and I did this for our miscarried baby but we just watched the crematorium worker do it as only the generation below the deceased should transfer their remains so he said we shouldn't do it.

We mixed mum and dads ashes (they died within a few months of each other) and scattered them at the place dad proposed to mum 60 years before. We also had a few put into a smaller tube that my sibling took back to Australia with her as we lived there in the latter days of the "£10 Pom" scheme. Mum and dad always said they would go back someday, so it's good to think a small part of them did.

@AutumnCrow

I think i should start a thread (with trigger warning of course) of all my funny funeral stories, occupational hazard!

I do really understand how hard it can be to loose a loved one, I talk to bereaved people most days, but seeing the funny side keeps us going

There is one knocking about, a couple of weeks ago. It was actually very funny.

https://www.reassured.co.uk/life-insurance/cremation-process-uk/

Tells you everything about cremation in the UK.

At the end of it, the ashes returned to family have been crushed to a fine grit; there are no identifiable bones.

Indeed, but this was me making a distinction between there and Northern Ireland. 🤷‍♂️

The deceased returning home the night before isn't really common in Great Britain, IIRC.

But is in Northern Ireland which is the bit you snipped out, hence my "in the west country" bit.

I picked up my DHs ashes, as he wants our ashes scattered together, when I shuffle off. But, no, I haven't looked at them - they are put away in the corner of a top box.

I could have gone to the funeral home to see him just before the funeral. But, I chose not to.

I’m sorry to hear about your baby, OP.

My Dad’s ashes are in a box on my Mum’s mantelpiece. I don’t think there will be any identifiable bones in there. We need to decide what to do with the ashes.

One thing I found quite hard was how long it took to arrange his funeral. A Jewish friend’s dad died and the funeral was within a day or two - I would have found this much easier.

My Dad had to have a post mortem and this was delayed for the Queen’s funeral. Then it took a really long time to get a date at the crematorium (ended up being a month after he died).