Anyone reconcile with sibling after a fall-out?

[GloriousD]

Just wondering if this is it for life or if something will change and we will reconnect.

Been 2.5 years now since we have been in touch. Emotions were high following the death of our mother. I last sent a card 6 months ago acknowledging the upset and desire to move on from it - no response (I had sent email and text prior but was blocked).

Do I just accept and wait?

Has anyone else been through this and come out the otherside?

I have minimal contact with my younger sister. She (I think encouraged by her paranoid DH) took myself and my older sister to court following the death of my Father. We were executors of my father's estate and she (despite seeing all the paperwork) decided we had run off with some of the "funds" there was no basis for the allegations just her imagination and something she misread, but instead of asking us about it she went OTT and ended up with egg on her face!

I carried on sending Xmas cards etc and was polite if we saw them at wider family events, but was not involved with her "family" I have never met her DC's
I saw her at my cousins birthday party last summer and she chatted with myself and my husband it was all very "light" talk about our DC's etc. Her DH was not at the party.

I honestly don't think it will get any closer than that as whilst I can forgive her I will never trust her again.

@HazelBite thats absolutely shocking.

Doesn’t look like I am alone in this - but it isn’t discussed openly IRL.

My sister has been an arsehole for as long as I can remember. She moved 4 hours away. Our mother died in 2014 and I haven't heard/seen her since. She was one of my biggest triggers for self harm when she visited, so her cutting me off has been a godsend. I'd be amazed if she contacted/ turned up on my doorstep. Chances are I'd tell her to fuck off.

Oh and I spent 30 years trying to connect with her and when mother asked me to try harder, I told her it was my sister's turn.

No, I've been NC with my brother after the way he treated our mum the last 18 months before she died, there's too much water under that bridge. I won't be speaking to him again.

i was in a similar situation and could have easily cut off my sibling. I knew deep down it wasn’t what I wanted. I went to a therapist who helped me work out what I wanted and helped me reflect on our backgrounds and my own role in it all which wasn’t easy. It did help me make a plan of how to handle the situation and we are in touch in a way that works for us. I would suggest you also see a therapist before years pass. Money well spent for me.

My sister ran off with our older sisters DH, I didn’t speak to her for 5 years. She returned and under influence of Mother I started speaking to her again. After about 3 years we had a great weekend away together, I paid for the hotel. she did live at a distance. A few months later she travelled up to my house. She was incredibly flirtatious with my DH. We had a BBQ and a few friends came round. After she left he told me just how uncomfortable he felt plus my friends made some comments. She then sent my DH a msg saying let’s msg each other so it upsets Treeonahill, he showed me the msg. There were other issues as well but that’s the main crux.

I cut her out of my life, it’s been about 5 years. She is just an incredibly nasty person that loves hurting people.

It’s far from uncommon. I don’t have a particularly wide social circle, and I have no family, but I know three people who have no contact at all with a sister ( one of them their mother has cut her off as well). I remember when one friend’s mother died, she said to me that it was a relief that after the funeral she would never have to see her sister again.

I know several people who have minimal contact with siblings, sometimes just through circumstance, sometimes because they just don’t care or get on.

I would send a card at Christmas to show there is no ill feeling on your side.

My Mum and my Aunt (her sister) had a huge falling out after Aunt slept with my Dad. They did start speaking again when my Grandad had a heart attack, but but fell out again a few years later.

My mum did eventually forgave her about 10 years later, after she'd finally divorced my Dad (after a lot more infidelity from him). She realised that Aunt had only been 19 at the time (7 year age gap between the two sisters), and that my Dad had basically groomed a teenager with a crush on him.

They were cordial up until my Mum died a few years ago, but I don't think they ever really fixed the relationship, sometimes things just get too broken

My DS and I are in our 60's. For most of our lives we didn't get on well and we were NC for about 10 years through until our DM died. After that we started talking, and we talked at length about everything each of us had ever felt hurt by. In the end we were able to accept each other for who we are, not want the other to change and finally, we are close sisters and friends. We worked out that our DM had followed a "divide and conquer" policy where she dripped poison about my sister to me and vice versa. It was as if she was afraid that if we sisters got on, we would stop loving/wanting our DM. It was so sad - we wasted years believing her!

The talking was deep, heartfelt and went on for a good few weeks until we each felt we had cleared the air. It is wonderful to finally, at our age, feel that we are sisters which is something we had never really experienced before.

DH has been no contact with his sister for almost a decade after years of awful behaviour on her part. She tried to get in contact a couple of times in the early years sending unwanted gifts and cards and DH was very upset/angry at yet another attempt to disrespect his boundaries. I suspect another family member might have had a word with her about it as we haven't heard anything in years. Please don't send Christmas cards etc when you know they aren't welcome on the other side if it it can be very upsetting to recieve these things

My DB has gone no contact with me. We had what I would describe as a minor spat - it wasn't even an argument, I put him off coming round to see me cos I wasn't feeling too well, and he got so angry. It was just over a year ago & since then he hasn't wanted anything to do with me. I suspect, but dont know because we've never discussed it, that it's got something to do with my DM. He hates her (he sent me a text just before he went NC telling me this) but I help my sister care for her.

I am immensely sad about it - I cried writing this. I always thought he was one of my best friends. I don't know how to put it right.

I have had regular, increasingly serious fallings out with a sibling over the last few years. We can get along ok, even quite well, for a bit, but eventually they always lose it and blow up at me. Fuck it, he loses it and blows up at me. The problem is essentially male entitlement, so no point fudging. He gets incredibly angry because I disagree with him, accuses me of all sorts of horrendous views (that I don’t in fact hold) and is very, very offensive. I’m not prepared to be spoken to like that, and I’m not prepared to pretend it never happens, and he is too spoilt and arrogant to admit he was out of line or apologise, so we don’t speak. It makes me really sad, because we used to be close, but he is essentially abusive, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

@MissMarplesNiece I am sorry for your pain. I feel similarly. A lot of sorrow at how we got to where we are now - something minor in the heat of the moment has somehow taken on a life of its own.

@GloriousD Yes. I think I have to respect DB's boundaries, but I don't understand them - it was all so small & silly (although obviously not to him). I read on MN about people who go NC but its more often than not after serious abuse, long term issues. For me & DB it was a flash one Sunday afternoon. Before that we were such good friends. I feel like I'm grieving a death.

You might be interested to read this article - I haven't done the suggested things though. https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jan/10/the-thinnest-ice-youll-ever-walk-on-how-to-reconcile-with-a-long-lost-sibling

That’s a brilliant article - shows how it should / could be done. V thought provoking