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Original poster

Anyone had to deal with a bullying teacher?

34 replies

meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 12:43

What did you do?
DD broke down crying last night and told me about how her teacher singles her out, humiliates her in front of the class, mocks her, is sarcastic to her and insults her.
I totally believe her. What she's said and described sounds authentic and consistent with what I know about her and what I've seen. She's always liked school and her teachers and her teachers have always liked her (to varying degrees). She doesn't like this subject and she can't wait to drop it but she got on fine with her teacher last year, this year a new teacher came on the scene. At parents' evening, she had been animated and engaged with all her teachers until this one. He basically lectured her and she looked totally deflated, just sat there looking down. I knew she didn't like him or the subject (she had complained previously that he was a bit of an arsehole) and got that he didn't like her but didn't think more of it until now.
DD isn't overly sensitive, she's quite robust and also tends to keep problems to herself. If it had been a one-off event, she'd have let it slide. And she wouldn't be getting upset if it wasn't blatant. She's never ever had any problems with her teachers, never had any complaints on behaviour. She's quite confident and takes part enthusiastically in most classes and she will also (usually ) stand up for herself, she's not shy but she will also never cross the line into rudeness, she has never been in trouble for that and her behavour and attitude is always reported as good to excellent by her teachers.

I'd be interested if anyone has had to deal with teacher bullying at school, what action you took and what action the school took?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Iateallthewotsits · 15/02/2023 12:50

I was your Dd.

I was horribly racially abused by a teacher in the 1980s as a 7/8/9 year old. I was humiliated in front of the class - I was the wrong colour for a very white, rural part of the country.

No one believed me though and I didn’t trust my parents by then to do any thing, so I never told them.

Thank goodness your dd has a mother who is on her side and believes her.

Original poster
meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 12:56

I'm raging but figured I should find out how others may have managed this kind of situation!! I'm so angry he is abusing his authority as a teacher in this way.

My DD is older, secondary age. She has asked me not to get involved yet. I've made it clear to her that it is totally unacceptable and that he is not allowed to behave in this way and make her feel like this - she says he sees her welling up and says things like 'Oh, you're going to go and say Mr xx was nasty but I'm just trying to help you so don't look at me with those eyes'!!

We agreed that she will go and speak with her Head of Year who is very nice and she feels comfortable to raise it with him. But if he doesn't take action, I am itching to do so!!!

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 15/02/2023 12:57

I haven't had this issue, but in this case I would maybe contact the head of Department and say that your DD seems very scared of the teacher and therefore isn't learning, and you know it would be a pain but can she please move groups / sets.

If this isn't a subject where they are set and so no other group to move to, I'd maybe ask the head of Department to generally investigate for you as your DD seems so unhappy in this subject compared with previous years and other subjects.

Original poster
meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 13:00

@TeenDivided
It's a very small class which makes it worse. She's dropping it next year but she's stuck with it and him for now.

OP posts:
HedwigIsMyDemon · 15/02/2023 13:00

Yes would definitely empower her to speak up first but if she gets no response I would follow it up with a conversation with the HoY. See what they say she then take it to Head if no joy. Is there anyway she can move classes without too much timetabling drama?

Original poster
meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 13:04

Unfortunately moving classes isn't an option in this case as it's the only one for this subject and it's too late for her to drop it. I wish she could move as that would be an easy solution!

OP posts:
Original poster
meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 13:05

HedwigIsMyDemon · 15/02/2023 13:00

Yes would definitely empower her to speak up first but if she gets no response I would follow it up with a conversation with the HoY. See what they say she then take it to Head if no joy. Is there anyway she can move classes without too much timetabling drama?

That's what I was thinking as my plan of action. While I really really want to get involved, it's good for DD if she can use the appropriate channels herself.

OP posts:
stbrandonsboat · 15/02/2023 13:08

Ds2 was bullied by his year 3 teacher. She was forever criticising him and targeting him and forced him to write right handed instead of with his left. He was terrified of her and we went in to complain and she openly admitted that she frightened him. He was a polite, well behaved, quiet, intelligent autistic lad. The rest of the class picked up on her behaviour and also joined in with the bullying. We pulled him out of the school after he was hit and his glasses broken.

We went to see the Head Teacher, but this awful, bullying teacher had been there for so long she got away with it and nothing was ever done. She was notorious apparently.

Original poster
meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 13:16

@stbrandonsboat
this is my fear 😞
I'm sorry your DS had to go through that. I think it must be even worse for primary.
I've generally been pleased by the school but never had to deal with something like this before - I hope they don't just close ranks around their own.

OP posts:
Weirdknor · 15/02/2023 13:24

I had this as a school child in secondary, the solution was I sat out of her class, which looking back was fucking bonkers but its in the past now! I'd definetly talk to a HoY or similar and ask steps to improve relations type thing.

chocolateisavegetable · 15/02/2023 13:29

My daughter had similar in Primary - which was awful because clearly they only have one teacher in Primary (not to minimise your daughter’s situation). We were lucky that things improved before I needed to speak to the school (a long story) - but I absolutely would have gone to the Head if it hadn’t resolved quickly).

I think it’s a good idea to empower your daughter by supporting her in thinking of an action plan. Going to someone she trusts is a great idea - so the HoY sounds ideal. Don’t assume that it’s impossible for her to give up the subject if it’s having a negative impact on her mental health. In different circumstances and after a hard battle, my other child was able to drop a subject mid year. She was able to use that time to study for her other subjects.

Zoutdroopje · 15/02/2023 13:30

I’d contact the Head of Year etc and ask to come in for a discussion. I would write down all your examples and send them in advance.

My DD experienced similar in Sixth Form. I went to see the Head with the eventual outcome that the teacher receiving training and mentoring from a senior member of staff.

I got the very strong impression that I was not the only person who had brought it up.

I remember being flamed and called a liar on MN at the time - teachers can do no wrong in some peoples eyes.

Nimbostratus100 · 15/02/2023 13:32

you need to contact the teacher and let them know how your DD feels, and ask how things can be improved

Unlikely to be deliberate, the teacher probably doesnt realise your DD is upset

ChateauMargaux · 15/02/2023 13:35

Other people in the class must be seeing this as well.

I remember having parents evening with DS and there were two teachers who didn't have good things to say about him. I did ask, with him there, what the issues were because their picture of my son was not the same as all of his other teachers. Both were cases of the teacher making an assumption about him and fitting the picture around that - in two cases they had got his grades wrong - wrote one thing on his work and another in their records.. in both cases, he sat with other students who were average and not motivated, when I asked about grades, homework and behaviour in class, they said there were no issues.. so we left it at that and while he didn't become their favourite student, they did adjust their attitude towards him - slightly, but at least they got his grades right going forward.

Does your daughter have a tutor / mentor? I would email them and let them know what is going on and ask them to speak to her about it, saying that your DD does not want you to raise it directly with the teacher involved.

euff · 15/02/2023 13:35

Being on your DD's side is brilliant. I was singled out by a teacher. I didn't have many friends but fortunately i think the others in class didn't like him doing it and didn't condone it or join in. In fact that called him out in a way on one occasion. I couldn't go to my parents. I stayed behind after class one day and told him he was bullying me. He went purple with rage and I was leaning as far back on the table behind me as I could. I was still glad I did it. He did also pick on a couple of my friends but not to the same extent. We did go to see the head of year ourselves and explain. He listened and was nice. It did stop but I couldn't say whether it was any one of those things or a combination of all that made that happen.

TBH these days I'd be looking to wire her up or something for evidence!

ChateauMargaux · 15/02/2023 13:36

@Nimbostratus100 the OP says that the teacher can see that she is beginning to cry and that he is 'just trying to help'.. he knows he is upsetting her.

CopperMaran · 15/02/2023 13:47

I think your planned approach is what I would do too. As you are confident your daughter is accurate in what she’s relaying, I very much doubt it will be the first time concerns shut this teacher will have been raised.

It will be awful to see her upset now - but this experience will give her skills for the future and hopefully improve her self esteem if handled correctly by school. Secondary school is very different from how it was when I was at school and it is much harder now for teachers or other students to get away with bullying once it has been formally raised (I’m sure bullying still goes on but our childrens’ schools really promote telling them the smaller events, as that can stop it leading to bigger ones and always follow through on the commitments they make). I would be hopefully the school will sort this appropriately very soon. For me, part of that solving would likely include her no longer being in this teacher’s class. It’s for the school to find a way that makes that work without detriment to your daughter.

AnemoneRanunculus · 15/02/2023 13:53

When you say she stands up for herself, do you mean that if he told her off she would answer back? So he might be trying to put her in her place so to speak?

been and done it. · 15/02/2023 14:07

Nimbostratus100 · 15/02/2023 13:32

you need to contact the teacher and let them know how your DD feels, and ask how things can be improved

Unlikely to be deliberate, the teacher probably doesnt realise your DD is upset

Well if she sees her 'welling up' she clearly does know how she is making her feel and then goading her to report the issue...unacceptable behaviour from an adult and a teacher. It's bullying and needs to be addressed by someone that's for sure.

Original poster
meshuggeneh · 15/02/2023 15:38

From what dd says, he knows what he's doing. He gets defensive when he sees her expression and tries to pre empt any complaint. It seems he gets a bit of a kick out of it. Seems a total abuse of authority.

Yes, she would speak up for herself normally. She is confident usually. But she's always polite and respectful., no teacher has ever complained about behaviour or attitude. In fact, quite a few think she's great and enthuse about her. I know I'm her mum but she really has a nice way about her and people tend to like her.

I totally get the feeling he wants to bring her down a peg or two.

She has a tutor but she feels more comfortable going to her head of year and also feels he's the one who mgijt be able to do something.

OP posts:
CopperMaran · 15/02/2023 16:21

Going to head of year is completely appropriate for these types of situations. I hope she gets it sorted soon.

Stillcountingbeans · 15/02/2023 18:18

It is really important that your DD is set a good example of how to deal with bullying by an authority figure, e.g. going above their head, going through proper channels, not giving up etc.
She is unfortunately likely to encounter bullying in the workplace, either as a victim or a witness, so this will give her the tools she needs.

SchoolTripDrama · 15/02/2023 18:26

My god @meshuggeneh you're a lot more patient than I am! I'd be storming in there when school opens again on Monday morning, pointing my finger at him closely and making it clear that if he even looks at my daughter is any way that wasn't professional & kind then X would be happening and that no, it's not a threat it's a promise.

Ps: My decisions aren't always the best ones I realise but I wouldn't allow another child to bully my DD so I wouldn't allow an adult to either!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/02/2023 18:40

My nephew has had this throughout Y11 with one of his teachers. Its awful to watch. Definitely speak to HOY and get it stopped!

Original poster
meshuggeneh · 16/02/2023 00:00

SchoolTripDrama · 15/02/2023 18:26

My god @meshuggeneh you're a lot more patient than I am! I'd be storming in there when school opens again on Monday morning, pointing my finger at him closely and making it clear that if he even looks at my daughter is any way that wasn't professional & kind then X would be happening and that no, it's not a threat it's a promise.

Ps: My decisions aren't always the best ones I realise but I wouldn't allow another child to bully my DD so I wouldn't allow an adult to either!

@SchoolTripDrama
I am itching to do just that! I am fuming!! But DD has asked to handle it herself so I am trying to step back and just support her in this.

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