Who is Gina Ford and why haven't I heard of her?

[LemonJellyKelly]

That's pretty much it really.

I had my first child in 1997.
My second in 2009.

She must have slipped off my radar during those times.

@Wouldloveanother. I had then opposite experience with my not group 2 following GF 1 strictly 1 modified. Very unhappy babies and experiences. 2 following baby attachment. Easy happy babies who slept great. Its not as simple as the book works.

Op i am surpsied you havent heard of her with a child born n 1997 she was rife then. I have one from 98. I wonder though we're you the sort of mum who read a lot of books? Some don't until later in life and some never.

I used to suggest to people who wanted to read GF. That they also read Deborah Jacksons 3 in a bed . Not because I prescribed to either method but because they are two such extreme methods of parenting and once you read them both you start to question and work out what sort of parent you want to be. That I think is the key.

There were some GF women at the time literally holding-out on feeding their crying babies until 3 hours after the last feed on the dot (nuts)

GF writes that a hungry baby must be fed. However babies are often not properly hungry, they just fancy a little something. This may be different for bf babies, but I bottle fed. I could distract my cranky baby to stretch time between feeds to ensure she took good feeds rather than snacking on and off throughout the day and ending up very cross and colicky. She (in fact they all) fed better if I fed her on schedule, not when she fancied a few gulps.

I did it in secret. All around me on demand babies were losing the plot with exhausted mums and I just did not want to make it worse. I was well aware we were just lucky our babies were so adaptable. That said, if you slacked off and didn't make sure you were keeping baby awake late afternoon or didn't get to start a feed at 7am, the whole thing fell apart and I saw how different life could be without a routine.

“slacked off”

interesting phrasing. People with more difficult babies than yours just didn’t try hard enough?

You were lucky. I never went near GF and had 2 extremely easy and completely adaptable and portable babies who fed well, napped well and slept through the night early. Number 3 was a completely different story.

I think it is largely self-fulfilling in that if you are a mums who likes routine, you follow the GF routine to the letter and put up with the inconveniences (naps at home, pumping in the early days) and it works.

If you are a more laid back. go-with-the-flow sort of mum, then the routine won't suit you, you will find it constraining and you'll find another way.

I am the sort of person who likes instruction manuals and routine, so I read GF during pregnancy (and underlined and highlighted bits!) and then just followed the routines from the start and they worked.

Or could it be genetic? If you are a routine person (and thus follow GF) are you more likely to have a routine loving baby?

rounddog

Did you miss the part where I said it fell apart if I didn't follow the routine?

I was very lucky it worked for us. But it was the routine that worked for us, not just luck.

Tracey Hogg routine was brilliant. Don’t know why she isn’t more popular.

BiasedBinding

Do you think I was implying that? It seems a very defensive reading of what I wrote.

For me, the routine took work and commitment to follow. There were huge payoffs, like sleeping through the night early and a more settled baby. I did it because baby was happier and it was far more work not doing it than doing it. I was lucky to have the option of being able to put the effort in and get a result out.

I had friends who openly said they couldn't be bothered to try a routine and to be honest they often looked a lot more exhausted than I did. Having babies who didn't know day from night and constantly changing feed times added up to more lost hours of sleep. They liked the idea of spontaneity but I felt most times they were not living spontaneously but reactively. It takes a particular kind of person to be really happy responding 24/7 to the various and contradictory whims of a baby and the babies didn't seem to necessarily know what would make them comfortable. They were also really dependent on milk for sleep. A lot of GF's suggestions get out ahead of really common problems that parents do end up having to solve somehow down the line, sometimes unpleasantly for the babies involved.

I gathered from random comments that some friends didn't like the thought of the day always beginning at 7 and having to look at the watch throughout the day. Fine but they weren't very happy with what they had. That's not to say the routine would have worked for them necessarily. It might have helped and, yes, it would have taken a bit of effort which was exactly why it wasn't tried (one friend's husband eventually tried it and it proved to be a game changer for them). But ultimately they were working far far harder than I was.

I'm well aware that I could have had a baby that any amount of trying to get into a routine wouldn't have worked. I just didn't talk about how we were doing and what we were doing because people like you would have thought we were saying we were working harder when we were putting in a bit of effort to work less and were lucky that worked out for us. They also would have assumed that I thought I was parenting 'right' when I was perfectly aware that my next baby might hate routine and be unsettled no matter what I did.

I agree. I think I joined mumsnet to say that about 12 years ago!! Tracey sadly died some years ago.

I liked Tracey too.

The most brutal one was Miriam somebody. Gwyneth Paltrow swore by her. She was too tough for us.

Tracey Hogg sadly died in 2004.

@SomethingOnce yeah that's Margaret Thatcher. Apparently you end up with her hair and handbag forever 🤣

Surprised am still here, but just catching up and reading with interest.

@Oldrockingchair

I think because it was my second that I didn't really look into anything. The relationship with her dad wasn't too good and had my 11 year old son.

Do you know what? I think I had ante natal depression - I was convinced she was going to die, right up to the elective c-sec, so looking at baby books or even thinking of being excited or looking forwards hadn't crossed my mind.

Had very bad post natal too.

I didn't attend any antenatal classes or NCT, I suppose I was quite isolated. I had a Doppler that got a bit obsessed with listening to heartbeat, so really it all just passed me by.

Apart from my craving for cream cakes!

I did buy an Amby nest which was amazing until she got too big for it - then it was a nightmare trying to get her to sleep on flat mattress cot!

I probably could have done with some coping techniques 🤣

I guess I've just answered as to why I have never heard of her!

@Kerrrmieee that sounds so tough! Yeah I can get how you didn’t want to read up on stuff when you’re in that frame of mind - and Gina would definitely have made you feel worse - she didn’t mince her words! She was very tough, very hard nosed. The sort of person I would never have been friends with - would make you feel like a total failure if your baby didn’t toe the line. Not helpful to most new mums (or second timers in your case!)

That's how I felt after flicking through The Baby Whisperer and landing on the 'accidental parenting' section.

I'll admit I closed the book (after having a little cry) and left it in a corner never to be touched again.

Obviously I didn't read the whole thing, but my impression was it wasn't particularly pro-breastfeeding. Or responsive.

The thing that annoys me is it’s not so black and white. It’s not no routine or a routine. Personally what worked for me (I say ‘me’ and not ‘us’ as unfortunately I found myself married to one of those ineffectual types when it came to the crunch- tale as old as time) was to rough it out for about 12 weeks completely led by my newborn, then once I saw a pattern emerge with regards to naps and feeding, leap on it would both hands like a life raft and develop it from there. Luckily I have a naturally placid baby who goes along with things as long as there’s a bit of structure but it leaves room for a day out, not being on schedule all the time, because he’s ok to nap in the buggy even of it’s not his first choice. So it feels like we have a good balance of routine with spontaneity thrown in.

I appreciate that this works because I have an easygoing baby, a military early motherhood isn’t my style, I was confident to do it my way, and he’s my only child so I had more time to devote to going with the flow.

Potty training success is just down to child readiness - not in late MIL’s house. According to her, and I’m quoting directly, “all of mine were clean and dry by 12 months”

I read the book with my PFB - I was all set to do everything- until the first morning.
Baby needs to be awake at 7 - DH looked at me as if I was mad as we'd spent all night up with him.
The two things that we did do was no visitors for the first week - it gave us a chance to get to know him and bond as a family which was nice - and black out curtains.
There was a Ford section as one point (not the car).

Oh, I’m also not scared of the late nap- at 11 months he’ll happily have 3 a day- not every day- sometimes he’ll do a kip at 4 and still go down for 7.

Big Gina fan. Found her books easy to follow and they definitely worked for us. Probably saved our marriage and sanity too! I think people get really hit up by her methods as they fail to understand it's advise. You can take it or leave it. When we had a bad day, the routine might go out of the window and that's OK. I look at how most of my friends did the baby years and it just looks so intense and extreme.

I just wanted to pop on and thank everyone for sharing their opinions.

Looking back, I probably was quite robotic with DC1 in 1997. I had the magazines and a book given to me.

It's very difficult looking back.

Anyway - thank you. DC1 is now a dad himself, sadly living back with me for first time since he was 18. He visited ex and daughter today. She's a happy baby and Mum is doing very well.

As I'm the MIL, I just keep my gob shut!!

There is loads more I could write about following a book with him, I was 21 and also tried to do all by the book in life.

He was cool, we were okay. He knows he was loved.

Sorry rambling, been a right couple of days!

Love to all Mums. It really is a journey one way or the other 🥰 . Night. X