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Tell me your stories of quitting the rat race

54 replies

WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 09:39

Basics. Widowed in 2014 with two tiny DDs. Continued working in management consulting, initially on 4 days, went to 5 days when youngest started school a few years ago.

Now DP joined our family in 2020.

I've always been obsessed with protecting my DDs standard of living, which is excellent as I make six figures. But now I'm miserable. Burnt out, not enjoying corporate life, always stressed, not present for my children.

Keep surfing right move and considering moving somewhere near the sea/country, could be mortgage free. And free lancing or doing something entirely different. Or not moving but just embracing less money, more time mentality.

Giving up the security of the corporate world feels very scary, would love to hear from those who have done it.

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 11:24

@Frogium

Below partner and no aspirations to get there.

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 11:25

@Paq

What kind of work do you do now? What kinds of things did you start out doing?

OP posts:
roadyt · 01/05/2022 11:29

Probably about 550k.

If you earn that & have 100k mortgage surely you have a significant buffer in savings & equity?

roadyt · 01/05/2022 11:30

@WaterBottle123 apologies I misread that

roadyt · 01/05/2022 11:31

Do you have any other savings/investments?

FragileConsequence · 01/05/2022 11:34

It might sound silly, but I was learning about finding your sense of purpose, the ‘why’ that drives you, and the concept of ikigai came up (I think there are books on it). This westernised (I think the west added the ‘something you can be paid for aspect) diagram might be useful.

I think if you want to feel motivated every day, finding this purpose could help (and yes I’d move away as I think there are many places you can find a good life).

Tell me your stories of quitting the rat race
Slavetomytoddlers · 01/05/2022 11:37

OP, I don’t blame you for wanting a change but there’s a big spectrum between what you have, and what you want.

Are you in one of the big consultancies? I have so many friend who were on partner-track in the likes of PWC etc who stepped off of that treadmill and moved in-house and loved it.

While I haven’t stepped out of the corporate world myself (senior leadership role in a large private organization, with a 6-figure salary and lots of benefits which would make it hard to walk away from!), I have relocated and now predominantly WFH and have one long (2 hour each way) commute a week when I travel to our office in London.

It has made a massive difference to me. I had always lived near my office for convenience, but moving meant a much larger house with a huge garden and just a nicer environment. We have fields of sheep and cows surrounding us, and great schools and amenities nearby.

I’ve organically taken up new hobbies as there’s a big garden to wrangle, and I’ve started walking with a group of local women twice a week. It means that I’m more disciplined about finishing up at a reasonable hour after work, and clearing my head more easily.

It’s worked for us. My husband has a similar job and we’ve always gone through periods of wanting to pack it all in an raise chickens in Devon, but apart from the immediate change to lifestyle/income, there’s consideration around future issues such as pensions etc. that we’ve never been comfortable letting go.

Starbeach · 01/05/2022 11:54

I live in the countryside now after being a townie all my life but that's because I met my partner and he lived in the countryside. I love it but miss certain things about city living.

I would say I live in a popular second homes - I've moved from London for the good life area and alot of them I'd say nearly 70% are now regretting the move and looking to move back. It's great for the first 6-12 months but they don't understand the way of rural life and I don't mean that in a derogatory way as I was guilty of it too when I first moved here. You will think you know how to live in a rural location but life is very different to what you imagine.

Farmers work all hours, not 9-5 and yes if they are working a field next to you they need those lights and the noisy tractor they are driving will be waking you up in the night and no they can't do it any other time so them working all night is not unusual. They shoot foxes as the kill lambs, ducks, chickens etc. They also use what I now know are crow bangers every 20 mins a bang goes off to scare the birds away. They are allowed to do this.
Odour from the said farms will come and go but you will smell it.
Then there are flies, rats, mice all pretty much the norm if you live in the countryside. Pest control is best done in the form of terriers. I work next door to the councils environmental health team and they are constantly saying you live in a rural location this is normal we cannot do anything about the odour and noise from the farms.

Alot of places are local places for local people and very cliquey. joining all manner of different clubs is a common theme and works for some but not all people and getting yourself on the community Council if your not from the village is just asking for trouble as again not derogatory but you haven't lived in the village long enough to know local issues it doesn't go down well as some people think that they will treat it like a town or city and that's not rural reality.

Dependant on where you live you will need to drive everywhere, the plus side is the 30 minute journey to go a mile or two in the city, is a 20 mile trip usually with some wonderful scenery. Talking about driving you will need to learn how to drive in a country lane yes that hedge will need to touch the paintwork on the side of your car and make sure you know how to reverse tractors and machinery will make you reverse as they usually can't. And watch for tourists who forget any vehicles come down country lanes or how to listen for said vehicles coming down said lane. Park considerably as in don't park on a country lane, in road widenings - they are there for a reason and its not as a parking space! - do not also park across/in gateways or on the farmers driveway. Farmers leave mud on the road it's an occupational hazard don't complain they work on average 14 hour days if not longer.

Do not unless with permission of the animal owner, feed any animals in fields even pulling long grass (I was told off for this) as they can't digest grass if it is too long who knew?! No carrots apples mints they are all off the menu.

Always shut gates, public footpaths through farms remember they are working areas do not stop for a picnic in their fields you may not be able to see cows in the field and they will come and say hello, depending on their mood that could be to just say hello or to trample you. And you wouldn't be happy if someone just rocked up in your garden for a picnic.

Shops shut early, no 24/7 supermarkets, hope and pray you get the regular delivery driver who knows where you live or you have to play anyone know who's house this is on the local village fb group.

Do not do join said fb group and bombard it with there is no suitable houses/ultra modern town house ones anyone know any coming up. Then when you do find a house bombard it with I'm moving soon, I'm moving in a couple of weeks/days/tomorrow, ooh I'm moving today, I moved a couple of days ago. A couple of posts asking for tradesmen, recommendations of where stuff is etc is more than ample. It annoys the locals before you even move to the village.

Talking of tradesmen, where I live they are scarce, rarely turn up and they will always have the one that they love but you can never get for months on end as they are so busy, so don't expect them to do your bathroom/kitchen up next week.

Oh and the deadly silence when you first move and not hearing the distant sound of traffic and the occasional siren can be a bit scary if you hear anything move outside but you get used to it, invest in a good torch or 10! It's only usually a fox, hedgehog or feral cat

I know I've given mostly what sounds the bad parts of country life but I'm just giving the reality, which some people don't think about or should I say don't want to think about.

If you find a group to fit in with and you are preparing to give up your luxuries it's wonderful living in the countryside but so many people move here and don't expect the reality. Im lucky my partner is from the village so it was a bit easier for me. But remember its not the same as the holiday you take for a week or 2 in the summer which makes people look at it with rose tinted glasses. It's usually dead in the winter.

Benefits include fresh (sometimes smelly) air, seeing the stars, beautiful scenery, loads of walks on your doorstep and some wonderful local produce.

WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 12:00

That's a great diagram thank you @FragileConsequence

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 01/05/2022 12:10

People who have quit the rat race generally are only able to do so because someone else is funding whether that be family members or the tax payer.

You are earning 6 figures for working 5 days a week. That's fantastic. That's why you work - so you and your dependents can have a lovely home, great holidays, nice clothes, private education and a fantastic retirement pot.

There is no greater meaning to life achieved by selling up and living in a log cabin in the Shetlands or whatever...

littlestpogo · 01/05/2022 13:35

Hi OP

This is such a helpful thread. I am in a similar position but am a single parent ( with a child with SEN). I know my life isn’t sustainable but have no idea how to grab life back, and also have a huge fear of making a move and ending up with no job ( am also trapped by needing to be near the kids dad).

I think the advice to maybe take a look at something that isn’t so all or nothing is probably good - and maybe more achievable as a fist step? Identifying what it is that drives you/gives you pleasure? Or could you take a 6 - 12 month cater break to reset and maybe help get some clarity of where you want the balance to be between money/job/children?

TeacupDrama · 01/05/2022 14:15

I moved out of dentistry I was not earning mega bucks as in a deprived area working98% NHS so only just paying higher rate tax,I quit just before I was 50 burnout I am earning about 40% of what I was although we own our home without a mortgage it is a bit tight but I have a decent pension coming up I will be better off again then burnout is no fun and you can't really push through it. We eat out less and cheaper our holidays are much cheaper too mostly UK but I'm happier I still suffer from some effects of chronic fatigue 4 years later but I manage by pacing myself

Don't get to the point of burning out completely and needing months and months out of work to recover properly. See a doctor maybe privately try living on a reduced budget for a few months a couple of weeks is not good enough, you need much less than you think, I found apart from tights and underwear it was 3 years before I needed any new clothes etc we save on food I now run a vintage antiques business online iwork about 30 hours a week but it's no stress the worse that can happen ceramic breaks in transit and I have to refund buyer I have more time for stuff that matters

You almost certainly have enough clothes cars furniture decor tech etc for months if not a few years so do your sums decide what standard of living you are happy with and go from there

DogsAndGin · 01/05/2022 14:19

I went from high earning corporate job to primary school teacher. I work 8:30-3:30 and get 13 weeks holiday a year. Happiest I’ve ever been! Easy, stress free job.

(Teachers who have never had a corporate job think teaching is stressful. Don’t listen to them. It is a walk in the park!)

Paq · 01/05/2022 14:26

@WaterBottle123 I looked for jobs in public sector and charities, taking roles at about 50% of my previous remuneration. I've worked my way up after some sideways moves.

We had decent equity in our house which helped with the move. On the upside there are labour shortages in rural areas, and it's much easier to work remotely or blended, on the downside property is hard to come by.

If I was doing it again I think I would train in a specialism like law, accounting or IT to recover my earnings more quickly. My skills and knowledge outside of financial services were quite generalist.

coodawoodashooda · 01/05/2022 18:34

DogsAndGin · 01/05/2022 14:19

I went from high earning corporate job to primary school teacher. I work 8:30-3:30 and get 13 weeks holiday a year. Happiest I’ve ever been! Easy, stress free job.

(Teachers who have never had a corporate job think teaching is stressful. Don’t listen to them. It is a walk in the park!)

Depends how much violence there is in your school

lightand · 01/05/2022 18:43

I am no expert in this sort of thing.
But perhaps you need to start with a blank piece of paper..

How much money do you want to earn?
How many days do you want to work?
How much meaning does your new job need to have?
How much do you want to commute?
How much retraining do you want to do?

That sort of thing..

WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 18:48

@littlestpogo

That sounds tough, especially the constraints of a co -parent

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 18:51

@Starbeach

I grew up in the country so familiar with most of what you write Smile I'm not sure it's country I crave so much as headspace, time and a sense of peace. Moving rurally frees up cash, but not sure if it would make us all happy.

Maybe I just need the courage to freelance, many with my specific skills do. I think organisational politics are burning me out as fast as anything else..

OP posts:
Candleabra · 01/05/2022 18:52

550k sounds a lot but isn’t if you will need to buy a house and live off the money for the rest of your life.
Its not wrong to want a better work life balance but maybe it doesn’t have to be so drastic. There a middle ground between 6 figure corporate and selling crafts on Etsy.
What does your partner think?

Neverreturntoathread · 01/05/2022 18:59

I did. Made an idealistic move to a much lower salary in public sector. New job had been misrepresented, was boring, slow-paced, and full of wankers, I regretted it.

If I did it again I would still quit the rat tace but I would be much much more careful about the job I moved to and stay in the private sector. Don’t rely on what the job advert says, there’s a lot of shameless lies out there!

There are also a lot of great jobs out there that do not have long hours or interfere with home life. Maybe take a job with a client or a much smaller consultancy.

Neverreturntoathread · 01/05/2022 18:59

PS I love being rural tho 😃

StColumbofNavron · 01/05/2022 19:01

I was going to suggest what a PP has. If you haven’t yet made Partner or the equivalent in your firm, go in-house somewhere. I work on the BST side of consulting and have worked for two of the biggest and I have seen many people do this and not look back. The pace of consulting, particularly if you are with one of the big ones is like very little else and if Partner doesn’t interest you, then why continue on that track.

SevenSistersStar · 01/05/2022 19:09

I think there are two separate issues here: 1. What job would you do? Would you really enjoy it? Could you live (an enjoyable life) off what it pays?

  1. Where would you move to? Would you really like living there?

You need to think about both these questions because they will both have a massive impact on your quality of life.

PilatesPeach · 01/05/2022 19:23

Former solicitor now teach yoga and pilates amongst other classes. Less money for sure but managed to pay off my mortgage and re-trained - every day I feel grateful and lucky. Loads more peace and headspace. I do work hard though as you need to teach 25 - 30 classes a week for a reasonable income but I love exercise & yoga and love being with people and making them happy. I left law with no idea what to do but having done classes for 20 years, it seemed something to at least try.

WaterBottle123 · 01/05/2022 20:26

@Candleabra

Partner is quite relaxed about it all. He'd appreciate the benefits of me not being stressed and isn't money motivated as such.

OP posts: