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Original poster

Yr4 school residential trip

39 replies

Puzzlerpuzzled · 31/01/2022 10:38

My DS (8 years old) school is having a 4 day (3 night) residential trip for his year group (Year 4) in April. My DS has some anxiety issues, school are vaguely aware of some as he has had periods of being upset going into school in the morning etc and I’ve had to speak to his current teacher a couple of times about different issues. He is highly sensitive, we have always suspected that he has some low level traits of ASD but never serious or extreme enough for us to pursue any form of diagnosis.

DS cannot handle being away from us, he gets very upset about the prospect and whilst he is now ok at going into school each day and does a couple of clubs where we drop and leave him he gets anxious about those and will say he doesn’t want to go due to not wanting to be left. The first time he is left anywhere he will get so upset. Due to covid and his general nature we haven’t had reasons for him to have to stay away from us in the last few years. Recently he was asked to stay at grandparents house, who he adores, but in the end just his siblings ended up staying as he couldn’t cope with being away from us. He doesn’t want sleepovers with any friends.
Anyway onto my query, DS is saying that he cannot go on residential trip, as we suspected would be his response. I’ve asked school for some support in having ELSA talk to him about his worries but they’ve said they don’t have the resource to do this for all children who don’t want to stay away. I’ve also asked if he can attend the residential trip during the day (they are staying somewhere about 20mins away) but that’s also a no. The, otherwise lovely, school are not interested in any dialogue at all to see if we can work through or round this. What should we expect from school in this situation? Has anyone else DC had residential trips in Yr4 and did most attend? Does anyone have any tips for navigating the week if he doesn’t go, or how to help him overcome this fear he has?

OP posts:

ZippyZap · 31/01/2022 13:36

If he doesn't want to go then absolutely don't feel bad for not sending him, plenty of children don't go to school trips for these reasons. However I'd be asking my local sen board for my area if they are allowed to refuse him going for the day part and you being near by etc. As they don't sound very inclusive! All the schools I've had experience with have welcomed this with open arms for the child to attend, the staff to have back up help from the parent and makes it easier all round so one day the child might be brave enough to have a go at it alone!

Smartiepants79 · 31/01/2022 16:06

@ZippyZap

But he doesn’t have any diagnosed SEN. If he did then actually getting him appropriate support and adjustments might be easier. There will several anxious children in every year group. Unless this is medically diagnosed it doesn’t really make much difference to what is available for you.

BogRollBOGOF · 31/01/2022 16:35

We're getting back to residentials with my youth groups and after a two year gap, and often no prior experience there are a lot more children feeling wobbly about it than usual.

Our nearest Scout campsite is 15 minutes away and we have done reduced stays and day visitors in order to build confidence and it often has resulted in children wanting to increase their participation and to fully participate the next time.

I'm assuming that DS's y6 residential won't be happening as it's getting rather late to pull that one out of the bag...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

8 year olds Families General education Primary education

MargaretThursday · 31/01/2022 16:55

I had that child in year 4. He had spent one night away from me before reluctantly, and wasn't sure if he wanted to go at all. Added to that he'd been quite ill and missed most of half a term of school earlier in the year, and still wasn't better.
Anyway. He went, and enjoyed it, and then went to the year 6 one happily.

But we didn't force him. We encouraged, but didn't say he had to. I did say that I could come and pick him up if he needed to come home part way through.

EnolaL · 31/01/2022 17:03

[quote Puzzlerpuzzled]@itwasntaparty it’s a state school, 2 form intake.
I’m feeling bit more reassured that it’s likely that there will be more children not attending. If I hear back from school re what those not going will be doing on the week then I might ask for an idea of numbers.[/quote]

Can you go in and have a meeting about it? My ds wouldn't have been ready for a residential trip in y4, but he went in y6 (with all of his class) and had a brilliant time.
Your school should be discussing how they can support your son and how they can help him with be part of the experience, even if this means just attending during the day.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 31/01/2022 17:03

Absolutely no way i'd let my year 4 go on a 3 night residential after the last 2 years of covid.

IMO lots of children this age have become more sensitive and unsure about being away from home....its a very critical age to have missed out on a lot of socialising and freedom.

I wouldn't try and get school to jolly him into it, it sounds like you know in your heart it would be too much for him at the moment,

Smartiepants79 · 31/01/2022 17:12

@RelentlessForwardProgress

Absolutely no way i'd let my year 4 go on a 3 night residential after the last 2 years of covid.

IMO lots of children this age have become more sensitive and unsure about being away from home....its a very critical age to have missed out on a lot of socialising and freedom.

I wouldn't try and get school to jolly him into it, it sounds like you know in your heart it would be too much for him at the moment,

Can I ask why not? My year 4 Dd is going on her 3 night residential and she’s practically bursting with excitement. So are most of her friends. The last couple of years have actually made me more determined that my children will not be missing out on any experiences if I have anything to do with it. Why would you not ‘let’ them go? Because your specific child is anxious away from home? Or do you have concerns about them not being safe away with school? Your wording makes it sound like it’s unreasonable for any child of this age to be going away from home.

underneaththeash · 31/01/2022 17:15

Both my 2 (sensitive) boys had 3-4 nights away in Year 4, they're young for the year as well. They had a great time and the entire year group went.

He'll be fine.

TokyoSushi · 31/01/2022 17:15

Our school is quite big on residential trips and we start in Yr 2 but only ever for 1 night (2 in Yr 6) 3 nights is very long!

We're a 3 form intake and I'd say there's always about 15 or so that don't go for various reasons.

actiongirl1978 · 31/01/2022 17:19

My DS was the same. I drove him there and back each day so he slept at home.

The next year was cancelled for covid but it was a long way from home and we planned to book a hotel to stay in with him each night so he could still join in.

This was not unusual, there was often a parent in each year group doing this.

He simply refused to go on his yr7 trip. We couldn't see a single reason to make him go. The upset would far out weigh the social benefits.

I hope you get a solution OP.

Fantasea · 31/01/2022 17:32

OP, having worked in a school, there has to be one rule for everyone for all day and overnight trips. As soon as one person is allowed a concession, other parents would come forward with another request and on it goes. This sounds harsh but staff have to consider the welfare of all the children in this situation, most children would be happy with day trips in year 4 but the overnight part is at the limit of their comfort zone. Many parents of these children will have encouraged their children to attend, some with serious misgivings, and then to realise that in actual fact, attending as a 'day pupil' was also an option not presented to them at the outset, all hell would break loose, and is a situation any school could foresee.

Your DS really doesn't sound at all ready and that's absolutely fine, he is only 8/9 after all, plus he has issues with being left in general. If he's unhappy to stay over for one night with loving grandparents and his siblings, then he really isn't ready to spend 3 nights away from home in a few weeks time. I do understand, it is hard when faced with the pressure to attend from the school and other parents. Trips are optional, and in the absence of attendance, schools are under an obligation to provide an alternative programme for him.

2bazookas · 31/01/2022 17:35

@minipie

Saying no to him attending for days only seems really harsh. I’d want to understand why.

My guess is that as pp said they may have limited spaces available so it’s actually helpful to them if some don’t go

Residential trips tend to have a very full-on timetable of activities, so having the day interrupted by one (reluctant, anxious) child arriving with parent every day, and departing with parent every day could be very disrupting for other children and the staff.

OP's son doesn't want to go and she should stop trying to persuade him. Far better to focus on small steps to independence with familiar adults. Leave him alone with grandparents for a morning, than a whole day, then overnight, a weekend etc.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 31/01/2022 17:38

@Smartiepants79
"Why would you not ‘let’ them go? Because your specific child is anxious away from home?"
Yes.

"Your wording makes it sound like it’s unreasonable for any child of this age to be going away from home."
No, the point I was making is that covid has made lots of children more anxious about being away from home, Not all.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 31/01/2022 17:48

The primary my children went to start residential trips in year 3! State primary. Those children who do not go either for separation reasons, religious (mixed sex corridors) and medical reasons do fun projects related to the place they are going.

One of the residential trips is London, so they look at the same tourist attractions the children will go on so there is some sense of understanding when they all talk about it. Although technically "work" it is hopefully done in a fun way, they always do some art or craft work sometimes there are food related items too. They also watch some YouTube videos of the open top bus tours so they can see the same things the children see. They are never made to feel lesser because they are not going. In fact they really enjoy the small class size. Hopefully you can find out who else isn't going, word of mouth from the playground so your son will know who he can play with.

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