First off am in animal rescue - so against the overbreeding of purebreds/designer dogs & trade of pets on Gumtree et al. Dog breeding rings/scams are an issue close to my heart.
A family member decided they wanted a dog. Adopting pets during Covid was understandably difficult.
They complained at the process of being interviewed to adopt a dog. I advised them to
- Check FB groups for rehomings
- Be proactive in calling rescue groups
- Look at smaller rescues with more relaxed rules
- Being patient & waiting until lockdowns eased & could enter pounds/shelters again
Family member does none of the above.
They decided to purchase a pup on Gumtree. They drove out the front of the home, a lady came out with a pup, handed pup to them through the car window & they drove off.
There was no viewing of the litter, the parents, reportedly no sounds of barking or dog activity coming from the home. The dog purchased is not the same dog in the ad.
I was hurt & unhappy, but this was their choice & came to terms with this.
It becames apparent quite quickly this dog is not the purebreed they were sold as, but a mix. The pup is "spirited" & grew twice the size one would expect. (Weighs approx 10kg so not a huge dog here, but not the lapdog they were sold as).
My family member became put off from the pup by the time they were about 12weeks old. I thought it was puppy blues (which is common & understandable). Family member becomes a grandparent at this time & entire focus becomes grandchild.
The pup became ignored, was left untrained & were admittedly very annoying & destructive.
Family member declined all advice to take dog to puppy pre-school, to try different techniques, to look on YouTube for advice (Eg: Cesar Milan, That UK show "It's me or the dog" etc).
By about 5 months they started to openly tell people they hated the dog. At first they seemed ashamed at their poor purchasing choices. It then started to become something of a joke to them. Basically the pup is now the scapegoat of the family. They refuse to tickle/cuddle dog, they throw food in a bowl twice a day & don't engage. They basically give the dog the silent treatment they are known for, which isn't a recommended form of behaviour for either humans or dogs!
I try to give advice like "when pup jumps up, step forward, don't cower. Step forward or turn your back to them" - they don't try this even once.
Their excuse is they "just don't click" with the dog & openly admit that all their attentions & love go to the grandchild, that they can't help but feel this way. They claim the dog is ugly, that they never once liked the look of her. They giggle about this, like it's cute & funny.
Admittedly they do say they regret getting them, that this was a mistake. But it's mixed in with giggling about how much they hate them, so they might regret it, but there is zero remorse.
Family member enjoys the finer things in life & having a pristine house/backyard is v.important to them. Things like a hole dug, or a houseplant ripped up become massive dramas to them. Things that I would say are normal pup behaviour, especially one left alone.
Family member starts talking about rehoming the dog. This caused a scene where I said if they did this I would never forgive them & said if they do this, they had best not get a dog again.
I eventually decide that enough is enough & take the pup, even though this has pushed me to capacity & impacted my dog rescue operations, as pup takes the place of another, so can now help save less dogs.
Within 2 weeks pup's behaviour has improved dramatically - Still spirited, but eager to please, highly trainable. If she were my only dog she'd be a breeze basically. Everyone we meet enjoys her. She has stopped jumping up on people, great.
Family member is now denying that I ever told them not to purchase a puppy from Gumtree. They have form for denying events which have happened, but to say this is laughable, as anyone who knows me will tell you how I feel about #adoptdontshop
They recently admit they paid over $1500 cash for the pup. They claim they told me how much the pup cost. I know they didn't or would remember this 100%. I am disgusted.
AIBU to find their actions unforgiveable? That the dog is symbolic of their fickle, shallow nature? That they don't enjoy things that are too hard or not fun anymore, that this highlight a serious personality flaw in them?
The other day they sent me a snarky message that I don't ask how they are enough. I wrote back was too busy looking after their impulse purchase & have been very cool with them since.
How do I get over this? How would you deal with this situation? Am I being too harsh on them?
They say they thought the dog would grow on them & that this is just an unfortunate situation. To me this was a series of poor choices & attitude, which is not really an unfortunate "situation"
Please advise or give my head a wobble, because am feeling a lot of anger & hate towards family member here.
TIA
