How do I cope with my child growing up

[istheresomethingwrongwithme]

This is ridiculous, I know.

I've got two lovely DS's. Ds1 is nearly 4 and DS2 is 2. I'm a SAHM.

It's DS1's last day of pre-school today. We're going in for a little end of year party. He starts reception at that school in September. He's happy and settled there.

So why oh why am I an anxious wreck. I just can't bear the thought of him growing up. His baby/toddler days are over. No more toddler groups, spontaneous park play dates during the week. No pair of shadows behind me. Days dictated by school runs and holidays. I've still got DS2 at home with me, except for the two mornings a week he attends nursery.

I have suffered from anxiety before and can feel my symptoms coming back. I know what advice I'd give to a friend - you'll have lots of lovely time with DS2, the school holidays are long, he's still really little etc. Yet I can't take my advice and I just want to keep him here cuddled up in my bed forever.

Any advice?! I know I sound ridiculous, so please don't come on just to tell me that.

My DS is somehow going into Year 2 in September. I can barely believe it! But here’s the thing - he still holds my hand. Climbs into bed for a (admittedly slightly bony) cuddle. He’s still small really. And I look back at his reception pictures and realise he was practically a baby. There are so many lovely things about the early primary years. Watching them learn to read and write is amazing! They will write you little notes. They will have proper friends and proper play dates. You will have such interesting conversations. And they will still love waving at tractors.

Obviously now I’m slightly dreading the transition to proper big kid. But I expect I will probably love that bit too when I get there.

OP, it's normal to feel like this when they start school.

It's a big milestone in their lives and in yours.

All I will say is that there is so much to look forward to over the coming years. I felt the same as you but I LOVE my kids being older. I have burst with pride during school plays, cheered them on in sports days, seen their friendships grow and heard teachers tell me how kind my child is or how hard they tried in something. The years when they are at primary school are some of the most wonderful.

I know you feel sad now, but it's a new and amazing chapter in your lives. Be kind to yourself, it may take a few months to adjust but you will.

All the transitions are hard. They make us stop ,think and feel nostalgia for the years that have just passed. My children are grown now but I felt similar at every stage. ( The going to uni one i was definitely the hardest for me!) However you very soon move forward and enjoy the moments that are now. Like others here I know of families for who have been denied the privilege of seeing their children grow. Try to wipe your tears and look to the great days ahead of you .

I was just the same as you OP.

I was so sad when DC1 started school but honestly, you do get used to it. You'll love the time you get with DS2 and will love collecting DS1 from school.

It's not something we can change, so just try your best to embrace it. You have two very happy and settled children. Life is good 💐

My eldest starts secondary school in September. When I was pregnant with him my dear old Nan told me to make the most of every minute because before you know it they’re grown up and moving out. I sort of shrugged off the suggestion thinking he’d be a baby forever but she was right. He’s 11 now and almost as tall as me, we wear the same size shoes already. He’s a fantastic boy with the most lovely personality and I absolutely love spending time with him but he definitely isn’t a baby anymore! It really does seem like two minutes since I dropped him off for his first day at primary school and tomorrow I’ll drop him off for his final ever day there.

I totally get the anxiety but I don’t think I had it when he was 4 because it’s still very young. I’ve only started feeling it recently now he’s so mature and embarrassed about pretty much everything. I did feel very proud yesterday when he told me he sat in the corner at his leavers party with his friend listening to Greenday on their phones because neither of them like chart music . It’s exciting watching them grow up but obviously also scary. You’re not alone.

@Embracelife

Transitions are hard but get some therapist help.

Seek something you do for you beyond the children. Hobby work volunteering.

Growing up is a wonderfulthing....the ,alternative to them growing up would be a tragedy.

This. As difficult as it is, life with children is one long change. Newborn to toddler to preschool to primary to secondary...

I used to feel like this and it has become easier. My DD (teenager now) has a potentially life-threatening genetic condition and every time I start to think like this, I remind myself what the alternative would be. Harsh but true

I know. It's so sad. The little people you rocked and sang to slowly vanish. But they are replaced with new fascinating less little people and you have so much joy ahead of you. My little people are taller than me now and are in the midst of being 15. But it doesn't mean that they don't need me and letting them go is both sadly and joyfully our job. Good luck for the coming years. Yours are still little and being sad sometimes is the price of love.

It's good that you recognise you have a problem. You really must seek help for it from your GP. It's totally unfair to use your children as your emotional crutch or to expose them to your anxiety (I speak from bitter experience as my Mum did this to me from a young age).

You need to get busy filling your life up with things that aren't your children.

My eldest DD is off to university this October. Privately, a little piece of my heart will go with her. Outwardly, I've done nothing but be excited and supportive of her going.

I got this. Venlafaxine (SNRI) helped tremendously.

For you? I actually think the best is yet to come. I always think of ages 4-12 as the golden years.

Dd is 15 now. She’s easier as a teen than she was as a child. Ds is 27. We’re best friends, and adult children are just amazing. I can’t explain it, like a good friend that you know inside out, and they want to be friends too. And he makes me cry with laughter.

Each stage has its own rewards. Moving on is hard, but the next stage may be better!

Lancelottie: he's still not quite 4, but he's going to reception two weeks after his birthday. Time flies when you're having fun.

Thank you everyone for responding,

The anxiety thing was triggered by a house move last year. Since that settled down I haven't experienced any symptoms since, until now. I was taking sertraline but gradually came of it, maybe it wasn't a good idea, but I didn't think I needed them before.

We went to the party. It was lovely and DS was so happy. I'm so proud of him. He will thrive at school.

I just can't help thinking about how much I will miss him. I know it's not about me, I know how selfish I sound. I've been fine all afternoon but now it's creeping back.

I had this op, motherhood seemed to trigger a whole raft of anxieties that I never knew I had!

Every time I started worrying about it I’d think to myself ‘would I rather the alternative, that they suddenly weren’t growing up at all?’ and that seemed to snap me out of it just long enough to appreciate the privilege and joys of being able to watch them grow.

My ds 25 just arrived for the weekend from the city he lives in. Tomorrow my dd will arrive followed by my older ds. Its so lovely having them coming and going. Great company and chat. They are your children forever. Each stage has its excitement and anxious bits but there is so much to come so much to look forward to. I promise!!

Junebirthdaygirl, adult dc are just😍😍😍

Like extra special close young friends. They keep you young and make you laugh.

There’ll be other things to enjoy with them Christmas plays, Easter time, enjoy these years plenty of photos on his first day at “Big school”. No your not being silly.