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Original poster

What parenting things do other people do that you absolutely refuse to do?

471 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 21:08

I never bake my kids' birthday cakes. I can buy a very good supermarket one or pay someone to produce something that looks better than what I can do and has cost me less.

I won't do role playing with them. There are no scarier words than "mummy will you play with me - you be the dog and I'll be the owner". I apparently do it ALL WRONG anyway, I usually say something like "instead, why don't we do some painting" or I even say I'm busy. And I thank God every day the days of playing tea parties are over. Me perched on a very uncomfortable toadstool seat pretending to sip tea from a singing Fisher Price teacup for 2 hours and doing it wrong anyway 😂

OP posts:

PrettyLittleFlies · 22/07/2021 09:57

@RobinPenguins

I tell you who definitely doesn’t care if the cake is homemade or shop bought - children. If someone likes baking and has the time and inclination, great, crack on, but if they think that makes them a better parent than someone who cracks out a Colin caterpillar that’s a bit sad.

Exactly

FuckingFabulous · 22/07/2021 10:21

I won't force a child to adopt my beliefs or lifestyle and will support their decisions as long as they're not bonkers.

For example, one of my DC decided they wanted to be vegetarian. Fine. Supported immediately. The same DC decided after watching Pirates of the Caribbean once that they wanted to have their bedroom decked out like the galley of a pirate ship and get a parrot. Denied. One is currently learning all about native herbs and plants and old timey medicine in their spare time. Support! If they want us to try that instead of antibiotics or something, that's going to be a no. That same one wanted to buy a real sharpened sword with their birthday money from the very dodgy shop in the marketplace. Nah.

Nothing makes me cringe harder than kids following something simply because their parents do, with no chance to make up their own mind about it. Poor little things. Like vegan 3 year olds, toddlers holding up placards denouncing or celebrating the EU, babies in football kit. They're individuals, not statements.

FuckingFabulous · 22/07/2021 10:22

Oh, and cake smash. I never did a cake smash. What's the point of smashing a cake??

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RampantIvy · 22/07/2021 10:50

I agree Fabulous
I am boring and conventional. DD has multiple piercings and tattoos, and pink hair

Ozanj · 22/07/2021 10:54

@FuckingFabulous

Oh, and cake smash. I never did a cake smash. What's the point of smashing a cake??

Lol I smashed the cake over my DS for his 1st. He loved it and it was so therapeutic for me

Ozanj · 22/07/2021 10:56

I don’t give DS processed cheeses or yoghurts aimed at kids. It’s always the real stuff. Cheddar, Mozzerella, Marscapone, full fat Greek Yoghurt is so much nicer and not that much more expensive.

MsTSwift · 22/07/2021 12:15

Both mine specifically asked for bought cake as soon as they were able to express a preference 🙁.

I actually quite enjoyed pretend play if it was my vintage Sindies and also quite liked elf on the shelf don’t get the hate for that. My fail is reading aloud just don’t like it fortunately both mine were early readers so they just read their own. Felt slightly guilty when we were ever with friends who made an elaborate thing about a bedtime story extravaganza.

Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 14:52

I didn't stand around outside school chatting to other parents, much preferred the company I had at work.

Maggiesfarm · 22/07/2021 14:53

@FuckingFabulous

Oh, and cake smash. I never did a cake smash. What's the point of smashing a cake??

I've never heard of that, seems odd. The only time I smashed a cake is if I dropped it.

MsTSwift · 22/07/2021 15:08

God the school run mum friends I made 10000 times more fun and interesting than my deadly dull work colleagues.

Sparklingbrook · 22/07/2021 16:30

@Maggiesfarm

I didn't stand around outside school chatting to other parents, much preferred the company I had at work.

I chatted to other parents outside school to find out what was going on mainly. Interesting what you can find out.

Itstheprinciple · 22/07/2021 18:25

I couldn't have a small child now. There are too many expectations and I would be inferior.

LimeRedBanana · 22/07/2021 19:33

@MsTSwift

God the school run mum friends I made 10000 times more fun and interesting than my deadly dull work colleagues.

Absolutely.

PluggingAway · 22/07/2021 22:18

@Itstheprinciple

I couldn't have a small child now. There are too many expectations and I would be inferior.

I do think that the current expectations of parents are a bit over the top. It's not enough to love and prioritise your children. You must become a total martry in every aspect of life.

RampantIvy · 22/07/2021 22:52

@Maggiesfarm

I didn't stand around outside school chatting to other parents, much preferred the company I had at work.

I expect the other school mums thought you were stuck up with an attitude like that

I used to talk to the other parents outside school. Being newcomers to the village I didn't know anyone, and it was nice to meet new people.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2021 23:50

Mums I met at the school gate are now some of my closest friends 16 years later.

Fishkettlesgalore · 23/07/2021 00:01

@BigSandyBalls2015

Mums I met at the school gate are now some of my closest friends 16 years later.

Same here BigSandyBalls!

LimeRedBanana · 23/07/2021 02:33

There is a real theme on MN among some,
of postering that they’re somehow above making friends with ‘school mums’, as if ‘school mums’ are some sort of inferior sub-species (while being one themselves).

I strongly suspect it belies something else, for example, never managing to hit it off with anyone.

Maggiesfarm · 23/07/2021 02:36

RampantIvy: I expect the other school mums thought you were stuck up with an attitude like that hmm
...
That's possible but I was shy so they didn't know me. They actually got to know my in laws better because they did pick ups when I was at work!

I did get to know some when their children came to my house and a couple are still friends, but I couldn't have coped with a large group of them chatting away outside the school back then. It would have intimidated me. I kept a low profile.

I made an effort sometimes for my children's sakes; they were very active and sociable, everybody knew them, and I didn't want my shyness to hold them back.

I'm actually a lot more relaxed now but that is maturity.

Work was completely different, it was a professional environment, I enjoyed my job and was confident there. However I was never good at small talk, gossip etc, panicked at the thought of it, therefore avoided it as much as possible.

We've gone off the point of the thread now.

I never made my children go to bed early or at a set time, was happy to have them around in the evening and they liked being with me and their dad. We all slept like logs all night (wish I could now).

Sparklingbrook · 23/07/2021 07:42

@LimeRedBanana

There is a real theme on MN among some, of postering that they’re somehow above making friends with ‘school mums’, as if ‘school mums’ are some sort of inferior sub-species (while being one themselves).

I strongly suspect it belies something else, for example, never managing to hit it off with anyone.

Yes, exactly.

Why rule out 'school mums' as potential friends? You are going to be around these people for a few years at least so makes sense to seek out some like minded people.
Great to be able to have others to text to ask if it was dressdown day or exactly what the homework was too, and as I said upthread there's always one that knows what's going on with everything.

This does not mean you have to suddenly stop having work friends-you can have both. Imagine.

peaceanddove · 23/07/2021 09:34

@BigSandyBalls2015

Mums I met at the school gate are now some of my closest friends 16 years later.

Absolutely. Five of us met as total strangers at the school gates back in 2007. We bonded over a love of books, coffee and cake and we're still all very close today. Even nicer, our DHs bonded over a love of golf, curry and beer and are all good mates too 😍😍😍

RampantIvy · 23/07/2021 09:40

Yes, I have never understood people who feel that they have to have a cap on the number of friends they have.

I was very glad of being very friendly with a school mum who lived near me when I had an awful stomach bug and couldn't take DD to school (DH was away at the time).

Galassia · 23/07/2021 09:57

Mine are all adults now but the thing I recall the most is when they were around 15 and other parents would buy alcohol for their 15 year olds or encourage them to have an alcoholic drink at a BBQ/family gathering etc. I didn’t agree with this at all.

Maggiesfarm · 23/07/2021 10:33

@Galassia

Tell me about it! I remember more drinking at that age amongst mine and my siblings' children and their friends than when they were past eighteen. Not all parents knew about it.

I do know people who believe a gradual and moderate introduction to drink is beneficial and less likely to lead to binge drinking later on because it is just a normal part of life and no novelty. I understand that, and it's common in France for children to have a glass of wine with dinner, but we rarely drank anyway so would have had to make a point of buying some for our kids, which would've defeated the purpose.

However we didn't make a fuss about it if our kids drank occasionally. When they became young adults, they hardly ever did.

Thinking about it, I drank with friends from 14 onwards but rarely in adulthood. I smoked too.

Forbidden fruit is always attractive.

RobinPenguins · 23/07/2021 11:22

I expect the other school mums thought you were stuck up with an attitude like that hmm

Good to hear the school mums will think I’m stuck up when DD starts reception, because I won’t have time to stand around and chat in the mornings or afternoons

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