What parenting things do other people do that you absolutely refuse to do?

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

I never bake my kids' birthday cakes. I can buy a very good supermarket one or pay someone to produce something that looks better than what I can do and has cost me less.

I won't do role playing with them. There are no scarier words than "mummy will you play with me - you be the dog and I'll be the owner". I apparently do it ALL WRONG anyway, I usually say something like "instead, why don't we do some painting" or I even say I'm busy. And I thank God every day the days of playing tea parties are over. Me perched on a very uncomfortable toadstool seat pretending to sip tea from a singing Fisher Price teacup for 2 hours and doing it wrong anyway 😂

[Maggiesfarm]

@CatalinaCasesolver

Role play. Just no

What do you mean by role play, exactly; did you never act out different parts, characters in books? That was great fun and helped with reading and comprehension. We'd try to do funny voices with it.

[Sparklingbrook]

@Yuckyfinger

I always used the bathroom alone. The DC never saw me on the loo, it's not an activity for an audience.

I would never want an audience by choice, but say if you're out shopping and need to use some toilets in a department store or supermarket (I know I know most MN cant possibly use touletsoutside their own home but try to imagine...) then I wouldnt feel happy leaving a 2 or 3 year old outside the cubicle on their own.

I do understand that. I tried to shop alone or with someone else, especially if clothes shopping. I can't remember going shopping into town on my own with the small DC with me, I wouldn't be able to concentrate.
I am also a 'don't use a public loo unless an emergency' type person.

[Yuckyfinger]

I always used the bathroom alone. The DC never saw me on the loo, it's not an activity for an audience.

I would never want an audience by choice, but say if you're out shopping and need to use some toilets in a department store or supermarket (I know I know most MN cant possibly use touletsoutside their own home but try to imagine...) then I wouldnt feel happy leaving a 2 or 3 year old outside the cubicle on their own.

[OverTheRubicon]

Never understood "I cannot use the bathroom alone now I have children." You go, you close the door and lock it. If a child comes to the door you say "Go back to what you were doing" and tell them the correct behaviour - you don't bother people in the bathroom. Lo and behold! They listen! They understand! "Peeing with an audience" because there could be a housefire? no fuck that

Never understood how some people can have such limited imaginations about other people's situations. I've been through certain stages and with certain DC's where it's absolutely easy, others where leaving the door open is the least worst option.

With 2 children under 2, for example, neither can guaranteed to listen. You could strap the baby into a bouncer and leave an 18-24 month old alone and trust they won't climb a stair gate or play pen or try to 'play' with the baby in a way that is accidentally dangerous, but why bother, just for a pee? And then by the time the baby is bigger, they're crawling, the toddler feels left out if you take the baby... Or you've got 3 young children, 2 of them are going through a squabbling phase and you just know that the younger will use the opportunity of you turning your back to start a fight. Sure, there are alternatives but sometimes it's just not worth it.

Sure, if a docile only child 4 year old is always in the loo when their mum is peeing, that isn't necessary. But it also isn't the only scenario.

[CatalinaCasesolver]

Role play. Just no

[Sparklingbrook]

I always used the bathroom alone. The DC never saw me on the loo, it's not an activity for an audience.

[RampantIvy]

Never understood "I cannot use the bathroom alone now I have children." You go, you close the door and lock it. If a child comes to the door you say "Go back to what you were doing" and tell them the correct behaviour - you don't bother people in the bathroom

I agree. When DD was a toddler we didnt have a downstairs loo, and because of the design of our house we still kept the stair gates in place. So DD couldn't follow me to the bathroom anyway.

[Anonapapple]

Refer to myself in the third person.

[Thadhiya]

I'd honestly have stopped to chat if any of them talked about something other than their kids. I don't want to talk kids! Let's talk about... I don't know, literally anything else? I reckon some of them have really interesting jobs I want to hear about, or little anecdotes from hobbies, or TV/film/books, aaaanything but "yes she doesn't really sleep through the night yet, we thought maybe the pull-ups are a bit much now she's 9...."

[EspressoDoubleShot]

School gate mums are unfortunately a cabal, who gravitate towards their gym bunny leader. It’s a common experience hence the school gate cliques are represented on TV eg motherland , Kathryn Ryan, various comedians

[Anotherbrokenairer]

@MsTSwift
I wish that was true but if there's a clique they very much notice what everyone is doing......I know because I've had mine questioned as in 'ooh noticed' i'd 'dumped' my child at the gates again (followed by tinkly laughs). DC wasn't dumped I just don't have time to hang around.

[Thadhiya]

Snacks are pushed by junk food brands, as is the myth that children 'need snacks' to stop them crying. No, your kid's probably just whining for some random reason and throwing raisins at them isn't tackling the actual issue.

[Thadhiya]

@SmidgenofaPigeon

When I work late, I’ll not sit on the end of the bed of my charges and listen to a blow by blow account of their day, or answer questions like what is your top favourite ant and why, or let’s plan my 8th birthday party even though I’m only 5, or ‘I’m scared of moths’. I’m well aware it’s not a special bonding time where all their cute little worries come out but a way to mug me off and delay bedtime 😂

I generally say ‘look it up in your head and I’ll see you tomorrow, night!’

You are entirely correct - it's a total delaying tactic!

I cringe at negotiation in parks or supermarkets. Instead of just saying "No, you do not bash the other child with a rock/jar of pesto", it's all "Now Tallulah, let's consider a compromise" or "you can carry it but cannot raise it above 65 degree nor project with force" or "how about you engage with no more than 2 children or 3 if they're under 5" and funnily enough, the kid doesn't stop to think about these complex boundaries and starts screaming, while desperate mummy continues with the bargaining. Mine never even DID that, given that it only took one simple "No" when they were young to get the message across.

Never understood "I cannot use the bathroom alone now I have children." You go, you close the door and lock it. If a child comes to the door you say "Go back to what you were doing" and tell them the correct behaviour - you don't bother people in the bathroom. Lo and behold! They listen! They understand! "Peeing with an audience" because there could be a housefire? no fuck that

[MsTSwift]

“ School run mums” aren’t a hive mind they are a collection of randoms 🙄. If you are normal and friendly don’t see how anyone could take offence or particularly care or notice what your schedule is.

[Maggiesfarm]

I explained about my shyness, RobinPenguins.

I would smile of course and so would you.

These are all rites of passage, we learn how to cope and then before we know it, our children are doing their own thing and we help them to navigate the world.

[RobinPenguins]

Most of us don't, but if you turned up 5 minutes before school ended you would at least smile and say hello, wouldn't you?

Of course. Then I’d have to go. But there’s nothing to suggest the previous poster wouldn’t have done the same. Just not sure how the school run mums determine who thinks they’re boring and is therefore rushing off versus who is rushing off because they work full time. Sounds like I shouldn’t get my hopes up about people being friendly me so this has been useful so I’m forewarned!

[RampantIvy]

Good to hear the school mums will think I’m stuck up when DD starts reception, because I won’t have time to stand around and chat in the mornings or afternoons

Most of us don't, but if you turned up 5 minutes before school ended you would at least smile and say hello, wouldn't you?

[Kanaloa]

I find providing snacks a bit more boring than popcorn and biscuits stems any bothering. My kids have never hassled me for their carrot sticks!

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

@Googlewasmyidea1 ultimately I agree with you though and it’s not my choice to feed them all the time! They have a mum that thinks they’ll keel over from low-blood sugar and will give in to every demand.

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

@Googlewasmyidea1 the kids I nanny for pestering me for snacks drives me up the walk more than anything else!! If we go out for the day and they know I’ve got a snack in my bag for them it used to be a constant ‘I’m hungry’ ‘that boy has a snack’ ‘what time will we eat that snack?’ ‘Have you still got that snack?’ I gave them a final warming one day that if I got one more hint about the godforsaken snack they wouldn’t be getting it. Ten min later ‘my tummy’s rumbling’ both had had a really decent breakfast.

Ended up with me marching into the nearest Sainsbury’s local and dumping a packet of biscuits and a big bag of popcorn into the food bank box without a word

They now know to never, ever to even mention the word ‘snack’ or they won’t get one.

[Googlewasmyidea1]

haven't RFTF so I apologise if it's been mentioned but the constant snacking drives me mad, kids never get the chance to feel hungry these days because they are always plied with food. Can't walk home from school without a snack, can't last between meals without a snack, can't go for a walk without a snack, can't be pushed in a buggy/pram without a snack. What is it with the constant snacking?

[RobinPenguins]

I expect the other school mums thought you were stuck up with an attitude like that hmm

Good to hear the school mums will think I’m stuck up when DD starts reception, because I won’t have time to stand around and chat in the mornings or afternoons

[Maggiesfarm]

@Galassia

Mine are all adults now but the thing I recall the most is when they were around 15 and other parents would buy alcohol for their 15 year olds or encourage them to have an alcoholic drink at a BBQ/family gathering etc. I didn’t agree with this at all.

Tell me about it! I remember more drinking at that age amongst mine and my siblings' children and their friends than when they were past eighteen. Not all parents knew about it.

I do know people who believe a gradual and moderate introduction to drink is beneficial and less likely to lead to binge drinking later on because it is just a normal part of life and no novelty. I understand that, and it's common in France for children to have a glass of wine with dinner, but we rarely drank anyway so would have had to make a point of buying some for our kids, which would've defeated the purpose.

However we didn't make a fuss about it if our kids drank occasionally. When they became young adults, they hardly ever did.

Thinking about it, I drank with friends from 14 onwards but rarely in adulthood. I smoked too.

Forbidden fruit is always attractive.

[Galassia]

Mine are all adults now but the thing I recall the most is when they were around 15 and other parents would buy alcohol for their 15 year olds or encourage them to have an alcoholic drink at a BBQ/family gathering etc. I didn’t agree with this at all.

[RampantIvy]

Yes, I have never understood people who feel that they have to have a cap on the number of friends they have.

I was very glad of being very friendly with a school mum who lived near me when I had an awful stomach bug and couldn't take DD to school (DH was away at the time).