For the older ladies (I know your not all on Gransnet)

[Maggiesgirl]

How did you feel about aging. It really didn't bother me when I hit 40, or 50, but 60 was something different.

We planted a cherry tree in the garden recently and DH said that it woukd look beautiful in 20 years time. I suddenly thought, I may not be here in 20 years time!

It made me realise that the majority if my life is over, and I hate the time I wasted on stupid things. The middles years were pretty bad, with a violent H then a cheating one. Loss of children and recurring miscarriages.

I wish it could have been like the last 20 years, with my now DH, who is wonderful.
But even that has been marred by a autoimmune disease that is gradually getting worse.

I know that most of the feeling comes from the fact that my own Mum didn't make it to 60, she died just before, and its mad me realise I dont have a map I can follow.

When I turned 60 it was the beginning if the first lockdown and the planned trip were were going to do obviously didn't happen which didn't help.

Am I being just a miserable old git, or is it the world over the last 18 months, or us this how you just feel in the later ages of life?

Maggiesgirl I am older than you, and have to say, wish I was 60 again! I did find as I got older that I became more anxious, never used to be, I was quite laid back really. Also thinking about things I regret saying or doing years ago, which I know is a waste of time! The pandemic has made everything worse too. I try and think of all the good things I have in my life now - sometimes it works!

I am accustomed to being old despite I'd rather be young. You can get used to being old. Don't ruminate about it. Make plans and forget it.

i was 60 last month and I get you.
I keep thinking how little time is left. yet I can't do the stuff I want due to covid. it feels like I am wasting time waiting. dd is disabled and in a care home. I want to spend heaps of time with her and can't.

All you can do is try to find a bit of joy in every day. There is a good chance you will enjoy the tree in 20 years but even if you aren't around the tree will just get more beautiful every year until then.

My friend who lost her mum quite young expressed the same feeling of loss of a role model when she hit the age her mum died (42). She is getting on with it all, ploughing her own path now.

Another over 60 here. I have maybe a good ten years left after that anything could happen. I’m fitter now than when I was younger and can out walk and cycling further than a lot of younger people.
There is no point looking at your past life it’s gone now.Try and enjoy what years you have left.

Im more anxious as i get older, mainly about my health.

I just wish i could be done with worrying. I know its pointless. I know i know i know. But its in my dna. Wish i could let it go, that and an extended family issue.

I loved my 50s - I had a dream job which included lots of foreign travel. My 60s were fine too but now I am in my 70s ,although I still feel the same mentally , my body is letting me down and I am going to be having a couple of admittedly fairly routine operations. I’m not anxious and am keen to get back to travel, exhibitions and theatre. What I am tired of is caring for others - my very elderly mother, my husband who has been ill off and on for 14 years, a newly widowed friend, the grand children who have mental health problems and my son who still needs support in his chosen careers. I feel quite empty and drained at the moment. My self-image is not one of being ill and I hope I will pick up again when my ops are over and done with. In the meantime I am drinking Pimms and watching Wimbledon.

Frankly I would prefer to still be recognised as a woman when I am over 60 - and not suddenly find myself being referred to as a 'lady'.

60 has been a huge shock to me, I don't mind ageing at all and I have a wonderful son and DiL that I'm moving in with into an annexe (I still work full time in the NHS).
I've always had lots of cats as has my DS but I suddenly realised when my 20 year old cat died recently that if I have another kitten that lives that long I'll be in my 80's before that cat dies.
So I realised I'll have to adopt older cats now. I went out and adopted an 11 year old.
I've also realised that I'm not going to find love now it's too late so I've decided just to enjoy my final years as a single woman. At least I have loving family.

I am older than you , and 60 wasn't such a deal for me .
I try to just adapt and enjoy while I can .
I feel as if I am busier now than when I was at work , and that helps .
I recognise what Clawdy said about being more anxious though - not sure why that should be so , and I try to not be .

I'm 67 and have a lot of empathy with what you're saying. I too wish I'd used the middle years more wisely, maybe married a different man, maybe had kids (I'm childless), maybe travelled more, maybe made different career choices. But we are where we are.

At this time of my life I find myself happy for the good things in my life and try not to ponder too much on the missed opportunities or poor choices I made back in the day - and there were plenty of those, I have to confess. As someone said to me recently, "Learn to enjoy the view from where you are now" ....

So, I have a nice home, I'm financially secure (not wealthy by any means), lots good friends, my health is good and I try to do things every day which bring me joy. And ... my personal rule ... I never sacrifice joy for any kind of drudgery. If I can walk my dog or spend time with friends, I will: the ironing can wait for anther day.

I'm 62 and fine with it. I don't go on gransnet because I am not a grandmother, and DD doesn't want children.

My only gripes are thinning hair and achey hips. I had DD late in life so I feel that I still have a lot to look forward to.

I think it's perfectly normal to ruminate on time passing and getting old. I'm early 50s, retired 4 years ago to live my life before I go, but like a pp said, it's frustrating when we can't do all we want because of covid. But we will be able to soon.
Regrets ; I have to stop myself thinking about them. As soon as my mind wanders, I nip it in the bud. Yes, I've made mistakes, cocked up along the way but haven't we all ? I remind myself no one is perfect. I've never intentionally hurt anyone and I know I'm a good person, so I'm proud of that.
Op, you may have had difficult relationships in the past, but you've had 20 ( and more to come) lovely years with your present partner. I would concentrate my mind on that because it's lovely you found a good 'un.
I make the most of everyday. I'm not bungee jumping or hang gliding, but am appreciating it all because it really can be gone in the bat of an eyelid.

Oh, and also, I am past caring what other people think of me. I just wish I had the confidence at 20 that I have now.

I am 60 and have found it hard to adjust. However have just decided to reduce my work hours and embrace a better work/life balance - suddenly I feel better about it all. I don't like complaining about thread titles but 'older ladies' what is that about?

I've never worried about age, I've always been busy with family, had eldest when I was a teenager and youngest when I was nearly 40 so at 60 I had one at uni and the eldest's children alot while parents working. With 70 approaching I am suddenly thinking about it more, I think being the person responsible for ageing aunt with dementia has made me a bit paranoid and if I forget something I immediately think is this it, is this dementia.

I'm lucky in that I'm fit and healthy and people generally think I'm younger than I am. Caring for my disabled DH gets harder, 30 years ago looking after kids, working and caring for him was a breeze but I'm older and so is he and it makes it so much harder.

I was in my 30s when DH became disabled so I do think I've missed out on some stuff.

I had my mindset changed when sitting at the bedside of my dearest friend in May as cancer claimed her, days before her 58th birthday. I realised she would have liked the chance to grow old...but its been denied her. So I have to grow old disgracefully for the two of us. I have my first tattoo planned for next month in her honour. Can't do it today as off drinking with friends, can't do it next week as visiting Orkney. Got to make life worth it

Thank you for understanding. I think it may be that I never expected to be so disabled by this age. I was always so active, now I have to use a walker, have put on so much weight thanks to steroids, so improbably feel older than I am.

I have a wonderful family, a adult DS, and wonderful Ddil and a gorgeous DGD.

I have retired now from a job that was so fulfilling, but ir wasn't a job I could do with my disabilities.

Yes covid has I think a lot to do with my feeling. I am usually a glass half full sort of person, but the halt on life made me quite jittery. I was working still al be it very part time until 16th March 2020, when I as told to self isolate. Apart from DH I didn't see anybody else till the end if August 2020.

As with lots of us maybe this is what is making me look back with regret of the wasted time.

I think it depends a lot on your life circumstances. Fortunately my health is fine. I love my job, and have just increased my hours. I am good at what I do, and feel valued by my boss and my team mates. I still work part time and have an excellent work/life balance.

I’m 55 and have lots of regrets, failed marriages, heart bypass and financially vulnerable. But I am alive, first grandchild due end of the year, just about to move in with my daughter and her fiancé to build an annexe. Doing a new qualification too, so that may bring changes.
I’ve just found out that a close friend is terminally ill and in her mid 70’s, that has come as a big shock as I’ve never lost a close friend before.
I hated becoming 40 but in my 50’s I feel I still have enough time to improve my health and well-being. I have a partner but we don’t live together and at the moment that works fine.
No point in dwelling, live ever day doing something to make you smile xx

@dementedma, you go, girl ! ( So sorry for your loss).

I'll be 60 soon and sometimes I wish sb had diagnosed my ADD when I was young, but not often.

@RampantIvy

I'm 62 and fine with it. I don't go on gransnet because I am not a grandmother, and DD doesn't want children.

My only gripes are thinning hair and achey hips. I had DD late in life so I feel that I still have a lot to look forward to.

Just to say there are many posters on gransnet who are not mothers or grandmothers. There is very little talk of grandchildren!

Thank you @Westfacing. I think the name of the topic made me think that.

I'm a single parent with a soon to be sixteen year old.
I'm not sixty yet.

For that reason I hope to be around a good while yet.
Im relieved I don't have a partner. Have been waiting for a divorce settlement from ex for a long time. Feel as if my life is on hold at the moment for that reason. Hoping it is only a matter of a couple of weeks.

Home schooling this year was very hard, but I'm not sorry I did it. Looking back I think DD and I learned a lot about each other.
I'm grateful I don't have to do paid work right now. Though when the settlement is lifted off my shoulders and DD safely settled into sixth form i would like to branch out.

As hard as it is sometimes being a single parent DD pushes me to get my head round new ideas which is good.

I know I need to improve my health. Put on weight in lockdowns.

Spent a lot of time at home either decluttering, sorting papers out or plans for the future. Would like to 'put things in order' - in terms of getting a file together to use if I passed away. Somehow doing this is part of enjoying the rest of my time on this earth.

I don't do drudgery such as ironing either, never have. However I don't like the approach 'housework' can wait till later as I don't like it all waiting for me when I get back.

We've been lucky in the pandemic as hard as it has been that we haven't been ill. Although I was in constant fear of it.

Looking forward to the moment when I can stick two fingers up to my ex in my head - don't feel as if I can move forward until that happens. Hopefully only a few weeks away.