Do we believe in love at first sight?

[Ponchek2]

I do.

I actually think that is love. I only believe in love at first sight.

To be less obscure: I think the first glance is the crucial first taste. Then you see how it pans out. But if you really fall in love, it happens (well) within 13.8 seconds.

You clock their face; it synchs in; you love them. And it's like you've been searching for them. Maybe for a really long time. And never seeing them.

When you do see them, it's unmistakeable.

Most of you might think I'm an idiot, but I'm interested to know how much this is just me, and how much others (female and male) have noticed the same effect.

Let's talk about our stories of falling in love : )

@KitBumbleB

It's funny isn't it, if your OP said you met someone for the first time and instantly hated them everyone would agree that it's possible, but instant love is mocked and dismissed

I fell in love at first sight recently, we spoke a lot on the phone beforehand but as soon as we saw each other it was like oh...it's you, it was always going to be you. Utterly delightful and passionate, new and exciting whilst at the same time being completely comfortable and familiar.

It's equally impossible to hate someone at first sight -- all you know when you first see someone is what they look like, and what they are actually doing at the moment you see them. Obviously, you could intuit something from the fact that they're at an EDL march and covered in swastika tattoos, or wearing an IWF tshirt while rescuing seabirds from an oilspill, but it's not exactly a lot to go on.

And while I absolutely wish you the best in your new relationship, @KitBumbleB, I'm sure you'd acknowledge yourself that it's very early to come to any conclusions about it.

@WhatMattersMost

As a therapist, you learn that "love at first sight" is the setting off of deeply buried triggers of recognition - from the unconscious, in other words - that you will invariably need to work through when the prince turns into a frog.

That's very interesting. Looking back, DH definitely bore a strong physical resemblance to a celebrity that I'd had a serious crush on for most of my teenage years. And he had a lot of personality traits that I'd always found very attractive in various literary heroes. Is this why it felt like I recognised him?

Which celebrity, @peaceanddove?

Please say you married a Morten Harket-a-like or something?

Yes, I had this. It's like recognising your soul mate after thousands of years. It's as though you've already been on an amazing adventure together, long ago, that only you know about. Like you've always known each other but been apart for hundreds of years and when you see them, it's "there you are!". Not lust, more like remembering somebody who you were meant to find.

No, it's interesting. What kinds of 'recognition'?

@MindtheBelleek - It can be a number of things, but it's frequently childhood wounds, and the person associated with them. That's why those who are wounded often seek out romance - it appears to offer an escape. What they tend to find out, though, is that they have unconsciously sought out a person with a similar dynamic - either in the form of the parent, or they share the same wounds as the protagonist.

Love at first sight = immediate recognition. And you recognise what you already know, but you have to hide the true reason from yourself.

Those who do not remember the past will act it out, over and over again.

I think you can be strongly attracted to someone at first sight. And then if you get together with them and have a long and happy relationship then it is easy to kid yourself that that meeting was something extra remarkable and special, "love at first sight". What you forget is all the times you met someone and had a knee-jerking physical response and they turned out to be an arsehole or you never met them again.

Nope but chemical attraction is definitely a thing.
I was 15/16ish and part of a youth group. I'd missed the previous week and my girlfriends were talking about this hot new boy that had joined.
We were all sat on chairs facing the front for a lesson on first aid when he came in late. Without even turning around to see him I was suddenly hyper aware of his every move. Later that night we had to bandage each other up and the physical connection between us was so palpable everyone was commenting on it afterwards. It was so strong - fizzled out fairly fast. We dated for a summer.

Love at first sight I doubt very much, for love to last it needs to grow and strengthen

@MindtheBelleek

Which celebrity, *@peaceanddove*?

Please say you married a Morten Harket-a-like or something?

If only 😀

No, DH looked like a young Harrison Ford when we first met x

@Palavah

Had you both been taking drugs?
haha
no just the body's natural opiates

@peaceanddove

it was like I recognised him and I thought 'Oh, it's you'. Our first date lasted the whole weekend and by the Sunday morning we both knew this was forever.
Yes this is what I mean

@ShutUpAlex
Perfect : )

@MindtheBelleek

Are you on mushrooms? It seems to be having an effect on your prose.
So kind of you ; )
No, I'm just in a mawkish and obviously ridiculous way to some trying to express what a strong love response to someone feels like for me.

Looking at someone tells you nothing about them other than what they look like
I know it doesn't tell you a lot of things, and I know there is stuff to be inked in. But what they look like tells you so much about who they are as a person.

@ChairmansReserve

Oh well, I'm convinced. Now I know that you "read it somewhere ages ago"*

Why so sour and mean? I don't recall the exact references but actually I read more than one article/piece of research on it as was interested.

It's interesting in these responses that the happy nice ones, going with the warm vibe of the original vibe, are the one's who are solid proof of love at first sight existing.

And the ones who are being rather unpleasant in their tone are the ones who've never experienced it so don't believe in it. I think it does exist and I hope it happens to you.

Let's type this right:

It's interesting in these responses that the happy nice ones, going with the warm vibe of the original post, are the ones who are solid proof of love at first sight existing.

I felt love at first sight once and I was very very wrong!

I think you only know it on reflection, not at the time.
I saw my dh from afar and must admit it was lust on the first night we met he told his colleagues he could do worse than marry me
we met 33 years ago.
We were soul mates and friends for a while before anything happened. When it did, there were fireworks, literally.
It wasn't november, a very late beautiful june evening.

I'm a very sceptical person in general and if it hadn't happened to me I'd say no way, it would be lust etc. But it did. I knew I was going to marry my DH as soon as I spoke to him - as soon as I looked at his face it was like coming home. Yes there have been the (odd) ups and downs but never any doubt that he's mine, and I'm his. Married 10 years this summer, together 13. Moved in together "officially" and got engaged at about 4 months but basically he just never went home, there were lots of raised eyebrows.

@Ponchek2

Let's type this right:

It's interesting in these responses that the happy nice ones, going with the warm vibe of the original post, are the ones who are solid proof of love at first sight existing.

So, people who agree with you are ‘solid proof’ of the existence of love at first sight?

Nope - or soulmates

@MindtheBelleek

So, people who agree with you are ‘solid proof’ of the existence of love at first sight?

No, not because they agree with me. Because they are real examples of people falling in love in seconds, often being so certain that they immediately get together, and of this having lasted for decades and still lasting.

I think there can be a spark or click at first sight/discussion, but love takes a lot of effort and nurturing to continue, it's ever changing.

I don't those believe it are 'idiots' or foolish or whatever, but I also don't think that first spark being a certain way makes love any more 'real' than any other. I don't understand why there is a need to judge other people's emotions and relationships in that way.

My spouse and I met online, back when even sharing photos online was an effort - we'd been chatting and writing things together for over a year before we even tried that, and it was several more months before we met in person. We met in a writing group chatroom under AOL names and pen names. I was smitten well before first sight, but the love I've had for him in years since is entirely different. That was teenage infatuation and loneliness, there is so much more complexity to it now.

The first glance wasn't terribly interesting. It was Newcastle Airport, he was practically pink he was blushing so much, we were both so awkward. His parents were there, and his father was the first to break the silence. I only vaguely recall it, certainly nothing like the OP. I think we were too busy panicking about meeting our favourite online person & not wanting to fuck that up and also panicking that we were meeting someone from the internet who could really be anyone and what if this was about to turn into a big fuck up (especially me, as I'd flown in from the US. Like I tell our children - I took a big risk and it paid off wonderfully, many others who did the same, who were just as smitten, weren't so lucky).

Absolutely not.
The only people who believe it are the ones it worked out for, or 50yr old women who wear Disney dresses in their spare time, of which they have lots as they are bloody weird.

Yes, although I appreciate that it may be unusual. 31 year later x

I dont know if it was love at first sight, but i do remember seeing my Dh walking across a room the first time i saw him, dont think we even talked that night, he then disappeared for a while and next summer we started talking and finally asked me out about 18 months after i first saw him. We celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this year.
I dont know why i still have that image in my head but there must have been something

@peaceanddove

I believe in it. When I first met DH I was nursing a broken heart from a previous relationship. I knew absolutely nothing about DH but when he came up to me, it was like I recognised him and I thought 'Oh, it's you'. Our first date lasted the whole weekend and by the Sunday morning we both knew this was forever.

That was 30 years ago, and I have never stopped falling in love with him. We've had our ups and downs, but we've always had a lot of love and a lot of passion. I couldn't have settled for anything less.

If you’d never met him you might have though.

I totally get the feeling of just knowing they were right. My first marriage proposal was from a man I met that way.

One was weird though and I just knew in my heart I would be with him, had to be with him and I knew also he would break it. I remember sitting at on my own at work and thinking with perfect clarity that it was meant to be but it wouldn’t last. Best decade ever and it ended when I got pregnant. I still secretly think it was part of the universes master plan.

@Ponchek2

Let's type this right:

It's interesting in these responses that the happy nice ones, going with the warm vibe of the original post, are the ones who are solid proof of love at first sight existing.

Not true. I have felt love at first sight a few times. It has not been what I thought it was. Interested in why you're posting this. Do you need to convince yourself?

How rude of you.

Maybe my love is based on mutual respect and admiration, shared interest and values, and experiences. Yes there was chemistry when we first met but how could either of us claim it was love? That does real love a disservice.

On the whole I think not. I didn’t much fancy my DH until I’d known him for a while in my social circle, but love came and is still here 32 years later.
However I did have a strange experience once. A young man on a bus in Leeds, sitting opposite me. He smiled at me and there was something so familiar and perfect about him and I don’t mean just that he was gorgeous or the feeling merely sexual; I didn’t just “fancy” him. I came over all peculiar and thought much heart was going to burst out of my chest. I nearly followed him off the bus and regretted (at the time) not doing so! Took me a long time to forget him.
Well... I guess I haven’t !

@Palavah
@WhatMattersMost

It has not been what I thought it was. Interested in why you're posting this. Do you need to convince yourself?

My post was in response to someone's that wasn't resolving/valuing the experience of people here who'd told their story of knowing within seconds/minutes that they'd met the right person and gave examples of v long containing love, like 30+ years.

Erm, no complexes drove my post - I was just interested to see how common this experience was and how people view it. I think it would be an interesting debate.

My own position is nothing I need convincing of, thanks 🙂