Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

@AlternativePerspective

Well, maybe the father walked away because he didn’t trust himself not to snap and potentially do the same thing.

Every time people defend a murderer like this they are yet again diminishing the worth of a disabled child. The poor mother driven to the edge until she snapped and murdered the child who was causing her so many problems and so much stress.

What does that say about the value we place on the lives of the disabled that the able-bodied should be pitied for murdering them?

The father had just as much responsibility to make sure the child was safe and cared for as his mother did. What if absolutely everyone in his life had decided to to exactly the same thing as he did? Actually, isn't that pretty much what happened, leaving one woman under tortuous conditions?

It wasn't her son's fault, the fact he paid the price of his father and many others abandoning his mother to the point of losing her mind and killing him is unforgivable. Not on her part though, she is not the only one who should be held accountable here.

A few years ago, there was a massive outcry of solidarity when Fiona Pilkington killed herself and her daughter Francesca because she was struggling to cope with a campaign of harassment from outsiders.

This woman had no support from her Local Authority, was sleep deprived and dealing with a demanding child who had severe and complex needs. Why are mothers expected to carry the sole responsibility of children no matter how heavy the burden.

Shame on the Local Authority who left her with no support. In the previous case, Leicestershire Police referred themselves to the IPCC. If only the Borough of Ealing could do the same.

One of my children took a job in a local special needs school.
I think it depends on the local authority as this school never closed even during the first lockdown as it is considered as respite care.

We were discussing the children and for my child it was a job between 9am -3pm. They were never alone with any of the children so support was always there and at 3pm the children would go back on the minibuses and the job was done
Some children were a lot easier than others and some of them were really cheeky and funny and some you needed eyes in the back of your head because they had no fear.
But we both felt sorry for the parents who had these children for the rest of the time. They really did need the school in some cases just to catch up on sleep.

Whilst I think what happened was horrific I can understand why it happened.
Other people might be in a similar situation with disabled children and stuck in their homes but if the only access to sleep is removed for months on end with no respite then I can see how this happened.

I feel so sorry for both the little boy and his mother.

What does that say about the value we place on the lives of the disabled that the able-bodied should be pitied for murdering them?

What does it say about the value we place on the lives of the disabled that decisions were made to suspend any support for disabled children nationwide, with very few exceptions, and leave them and their careers to cope in unprecedented times? How many of us have actually thought about helping out a family in this situation? Offered to sit with a child so a parent can get some sleep? Offered to do their shopping? Just been an ear to give some support? I know I haven’t.
Just because a woman gives birth to a child with a disability it doesn’t mean they're any more able to support that child with complex needs than a mother with a non disabled child.

Tragic story for all concerned.

What does that say about the value we place on the lives of the disabled that the able-bodied should be pitied for murdering them?

The uncomfortable truth appears to be that caring for Dylan was so harrowing , so hard , so relentless that it literally unbalanced her .

Obviously we don’t know the whole truth
But to barely sleep for months on end , very few humans could cope
With that . I’d also imagine they both totally lost any vestiges of hope that normality would return

Poor, poor distressed little boy. Poor isolated mentally ill mother, driven mad with sleep deprivation. Absent father.

@corythatwas - very good post. Maybe the journalist couldn't find anyone who knew Dylan well enough?

And the point of the article was to highlight the effect of services being cut during lockdown.

@CaramelCandle

Probably in the minority but no. I feel sorry for that poor boy killed by the one person he should have been able to trust.

Why is it an either/or? Why can you not feel desperately sorry for both?

Psychosis is an imbalance of the mind. Distorted or false beliefs become compelling and real to the individual. The result can be behaviour that’s wholly out of character

Psychotic crisis a psychiatric emergency

Poor woman and poor boy.
Coercive control is such a god awful abuse. I’m almost 20 years free but not an hour goes by where it doesn’t haunt me.
Whilst they shared a child they could never be free from it.
In her state She would believe the only good thing would be her dead, but she couldn’t leave her son. So she had to take him with her.
It’s not unheard of for mothers to carry it out. It’s not revenge it’s a warped sense of “I can’t leave them they need me”. Even accessing help could mean the child is left without its mum for a while. It’s a very very difficult complex situation.

Apparently she asked both the father and local authority for help. Both rejected her.

@Norealclue

The services for disabled people from local authorities have always been pitiful. This is a case which has been highlighted because of the pandemic. So many people struggle for years on end hitting a brick wall with social services and NHS. The senseless abuse of people who care for the disabled is short sighted. If there was support for carers then carers would not be so likely to become ill and then what does the disabled person do without their carer? This needs some joined up thinking

^ This is spot on. And if anyone knows a parent with a disabled child in the UK, you will know the long, complicated and stressful bureaucratic fight they are often forced to engage in to get the most basic assistance or care. A system deliberately designed imho, to ensure that as few people access it as possible. Utterly disgusting and morally shameful.

I also think people don’t understand that even if there is a space for children at complex needs school during the pandemic things are unsettling and upsetting for the children if they do go - teachers / assistants are off sick, staff are changed, some children are not there (out of my sons usual class of 6 only 2 are there because the other parents have decided to keep their children home), activities are cancelled - no swimming or sensory stuff etc. In light of this I decided to keep my son home as sending him to school is just more stressful for him as it isn’t the same as “normal” so he would be more upset! People just bleat on about “special schools being open” - well, yes many are but it’s not the same as it is normally and many children with Sen or severe disabilities just do not adjust to changes in their routine without it having a severe knock on effect at home.

@CaramelCandle

Probably in the minority but no. I feel sorry for that poor boy killed by the one person he should have been able to trust.

You don't seriously think that you are the only person to feel sorry for the poor child do you?

There's no limit on sympathy, you don't have to choose one or the other.

I guess most of us assumed it was this type of situation the day it happened an felt very sorry for both mother and child, the father not so much.

He didn’t give a shit about his son. ‘I loved him’ my arse! If you love your kids you don’t piss off and go live in another country. Many men have been doing this and getting away with washing their hands of any responsibilities to their child/children. I agree about charging him with neglect.

What an utterly heartbreaking story. I am sure the courts will show mercy in their sentencing.

@WitchesNest

I’ve not snapped and murdered my children. I’m trapped in a tiny flat with 3 of them, one who has additional needs and the other two who are every bit as demanding. I’ve no help or support from friends, family and have been through several of my own mental health crisis in the last 10 years. But I’ve still not murdered my children.
Bully for you. Maybe your child is not as severely disabled as this woman's child? Maybe your mental health crises not as severe as this woman's? Maybe you are just more resilient. If you have two other children who don't have additional needs, maybe you don't realise how that puts some semblance of normality into your life. Have a heart. She was clearly utterly desperate. I cannot judge her harshly. In the same circumstances, how do I know I wouldn't do the same?

I'm in sympathy for her. Sleep depravation is used as torture and can break people just as easily. If this had been going on a year, the father who "loved" his son in a different country instead of coming back to help the mother of his severely disabled child, then I can understand why she cracked. I'll bet she begged him for help as well. It's such a sad story, but that awful man needs to be held to account as to why he didn't do more

@Radio4Rocks your post is ghastly. Try,really hard,to have compassion about a human tragedy

I think this thread should be removed. I know the mother tangentially through the immigrant community, it is a very tragic story, and she is indeed a victim here as well. She is a real person, not "evil", how many pps said.

Under the exact same circumstances, he would have been greatly pitied and the mother would have been torn to tiny shreds for leaving.

No. People would have rightly blamed the council and other professionals who failed the family. Here people are going for the father instead. Nice.

Yes, the father should be charged with neglect. He left his child with a mentally ill carer who he knew wasn't coping.

On the basis of one article in the Daily Mail, bastion of unbiased and quality journalism.

The poor little boy and his poor mother left to fend for themselves like that, it must have been awful for both of them.