Our forever home is a flat. Will my DC be judged?

[dayknight19]

I wasn’t raised in the UK but have been living here for a very long time so would like to get some perspective.
We live in a posh part of North London in a 3 bed flat (with a garden) and have one child. Won’t be having more kids. We love our flat. It’s super central, it’s big and we don’t need more space.
All our friends and nearly the entire NCT group sold up their flats in our hood and moved out to buy a house.
Our DC will be attending a local primary (0.3 miles catchment area) and it turns out the school is entirely surrounded by houses worth £2m up and maybe a handful of flats.
Maybe I am being ridiculous but I am thinking that our child might be considered less off amongst her peers? Perhaps would my child be treated differently?
It just feels like that everyone here has to have a house when they have a child. This is not the case in Europe at least not in the big cities where I am originally from.
For the record neither we can nor we would spend £2m to buy a house in our area nor would we move out of our area.

[musicinspring1]

I think some posters are also naive if they think people won’t have a preconception. OP - I live in a flat with my 3 DC in an area of south London surrounded by semi detached and detached houses. It’s a period flat with high ceilings etc and a garden (we are ground floor) but it’s very telling that new parents that come for play dates often remark on how nice or unexpected the ‘flat’ is which to me tells me they were expecting something different - but maybe I’m being paranoid !!
I love my flat and would never move for the sake of being in a house. Most people comment on how big my flat feels because the children’s bedrooms are used easily as ‘playrooms’ because we are all on one level it feels more spacious - they’re not hidden away upstairs. Parents often comment that it just feels like we have more accessible ‘living space ‘ and when the DC were younger they could play in their rooms with friends over and still be in hearing distance. Toys have been kept in their rooms earlier on and our living space is more ‘grown up’.
My DC often comment they don’t have ‘stairs’ and feel hard done by but like a previous poster said - they’d always find something they don’t have that others do!!!!
Basically don’t worry about it, be proud of your flat and don’t give house living a second thought !!! (Hopefully in saying that you have nice neighbours upstairs or good soundproofing - that’s my only caveat !!!) But I guess you could live in a semi detached or terraced house and have neighbour / noise issues too !!!!

[BewareTheBeardedDragon]

If you are in catchment for the school, then very likely there will be a significant number of other children in flats also in catchment. IME of living in a nice N London area there is more often than not a real mix of flats and whole houses, and often it's not obvious from outside which is which. Where I lived there was certainly no judgement about living in a flat, lots of the naicest families lived in flats.
Are you certain that all of the big houses are still whole houses and none are split? Which zone are you in?
Your flat sounds ace.

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Think about it. What sort of a person would judge you for living in a flat? Do you care about such people and their opinions?

MN shows us that we will be judged by someone somewhere for everything. It's best just to accept it and get on with being you without worrying about what other people think.

[allfalldown47]

A 3 bedroom flat with a garden?
Jeez, would you even care about the opinions of people who judged you?

Your dc are lucky, your home sounds spacious. Many children in London live in one room with no garden!!

[SmellsLikeFeet]

Your flat sounds lovely
I'd be jealous

[FusionChefGeoff]

If they are judged then the people doing the judging are arseholes so it doesn't matter.

I think a large 3 bed flat with garden in a posh part of N London sounds idyllic tbh

[daisypond]

Your flat sounds great. I’m in an area of London with big houses, flats converted from houses, flats in blocks, flats in towers, a huge mix of privately owned, privately rented, council and housing association rented properties. This is all normal in many areas of London. The majority of children my DC went to school with lived in flats.

[dayknight19]

Thank you everyone once again.

The catchment for the primary is extremely small (0.3 miles or something) and we normally walk by the school as it’s on the way to the woods. From what I have seen no houses have more than one doorbell so that normally tells you if the house has been divided into flats. The school has a reputation for having a lot of wealthy families in but equally it does sound that everyone is friendly and that the kids get on well.
The neighbors are fine - hardly seen them or hear them. All professionals with no kids. I presume we are the annoying neighbors with a loud child!
We won’t be leaving the area - it’s just perfect and as I said won’t be interested in buying a house of £2m (nor we can!). It would be of no use to us with one child.
I was just so surprised that nearly everyone we knew that lived locally sold up as soon as they got their baby and moved out to buy a house. Their houses are beautiful but not many are happy with the areas where they bought and they are coming back to their old area constantly.

[daisypond]

To be honest, it may be that lots of children in the very big houses go to private school. If you weren’t planning that for your DC, your DC and theirs might not mix so much, anyway, apart from hobbies and clubs, etc.

[dayknight19]

Fair enough. That could be the case as well. Although judging by the local FB mums group not many are sending theirs to private schools until they reach the secondary. Although maybe some are not admitting it publicly.

[Pipandmum]

Plenty of well off people live in flats, especially in London.
I live in a large detached house with a pool. In London the value of my house would buy a one bedroom flat in Fulham.
If anyone does care they are too shallow for you to give them a second thought.

[WorraLiberty]

Just start calling it an apartment instead 😁

[coaleo]

People will always judge whatever you have. If your happy then your winning. Your flat is probably worth more and nicer than any house where I live. No one I know can afford to live anywhere near London, it's a different kind of life x

[katy1213]

Judged by the NCT group? Poor kids, they'll be traumatised for the rest of their lives!

[PotteringAlong]

Reverse snobbery is a thing. Be careful that the only one with a chip on their shoulder about this isn’t you.

[imissthesouth]

Truth is they probably will be judged. More so by the parents than the kids, I grew up in a (pretty huge) country home and was judged for that by my teachers and peers. Everyone is judged in parts of their lives. Honestly though as you live in central london a flat with a garden is very impressive. I wouldn't worry :)

[SerenityNowwwww]

We’re in a flat too - very central and in a good location. Of course I’d love more room and a garden of my own (I’m a country girl) but I appreciate the benefits.

[timetest]

Anyone who cares and judges about this won’t be worth knowing.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

My DD went to an international school in Surrey. All of her friends there (mostly American) lived in huge houses with pools in gated communities. We live in a flat in Central London. Most weekends we had two or three sleeping over because it was easy for them to go out in town at night, and they were home in 10 minutes on the night bus. The girls all said that DD1 was so lucky to live centrally and they loved our “cool apartment” with its books, music and art. We were definitely the poorest in the school, but it really didn’t matter.

[Steppingonrakes]

DD went to a private school. We lived in a flat at that time. One of her school friends shared a private jet with another family and another’s garage was bigger than our whole home. There will always be people in your life with bigger and better homes/cars/holidays/clothes etc but if you are happy, healthy and love your home that is all that matters. Anyone who judges you enough to not be your friend or your DDs friend is not worth having in your life. I live in a HA 1 bed flat. Every friend I have lives in much better areas than me and have big houses. But it absolutely isn’t an issue. Don’t even think about moving to take into account what some people might think of your flat. It sounds perfect.

[Shouldbedoing]

Charlie and Lola live in a flat.

[Minimumstandard]

Your DC has a garden, their own room and you have a spare room. Sounds like the perfect amount of space for a family your size. I don't imagine anyone would judge so long as your flat is relatively clean and uncluttered (and even then my standards for judging are very low... Only if the home is visibly unsafe ).

[dementedma]

We have raised 3 kids in a flat, near an area where there are a lot of big houses. A lot of the DC’s friends lived rurally in big houses with lots of grounds, so I can’t lie. yes, there were times when they didn’t want to invite their friends round because of how we lived. But those who did come loved it. Slept on the floor in sleeping bags and accepted we didn’t have a shower etc.
One friend of DD2’s was desperate to visit as a young teen. She came from a v wealthy family. When we pulled up outside i gave the usual speech to visiting children that they had to remember there were people living underneath so they had to watch the noise and be careful not to be bouncing around too much.
She looked at me in utter delight, “ How amazing! I’ve never been in a house where other people live there too. Awesome! This is sooooooo cool!”.
My face was a picture! this child got a first at Oxford and then a top scholarship to do their PhD in something to do with research into heart disease. Still thing of her coming to stay and smile though.

[MsSquiz]

I was lucky enough to get into a private school with a bursary, aged 11 and I lived in a 2 bed council flat with my DM.
My friends all had huge 4/5/6 bed houses with huge gardens, music rooms, more than 1 living room, en suites, etc.

Everyone always wanted to have sleepovers at my house because my DM would chuck us in the living room with duvets, sleeping bags, pillows, a tonne of popcorn and films to watch.

To this day, my best friend will still mention the bacon sandwiches my DM always made us for breakfast!

House size doesn't make a difference to real friends

[Bbq1]

When my ds was young he loved going to play with friends who lived in flats. Think it was cool to him. Nobody is bothered though.