Our forever home is a flat. Will my DC be judged?

[dayknight19]

I wasn’t raised in the UK but have been living here for a very long time so would like to get some perspective.
We live in a posh part of North London in a 3 bed flat (with a garden) and have one child. Won’t be having more kids. We love our flat. It’s super central, it’s big and we don’t need more space.
All our friends and nearly the entire NCT group sold up their flats in our hood and moved out to buy a house.
Our DC will be attending a local primary (0.3 miles catchment area) and it turns out the school is entirely surrounded by houses worth £2m up and maybe a handful of flats.
Maybe I am being ridiculous but I am thinking that our child might be considered less off amongst her peers? Perhaps would my child be treated differently?
It just feels like that everyone here has to have a house when they have a child. This is not the case in Europe at least not in the big cities where I am originally from.
For the record neither we can nor we would spend £2m to buy a house in our area nor would we move out of our area.

[dementedma]

Lived in flats all our lives and raised 3 children to adulthood in one. I would have liked a house but it wasnt to be. They did feel a bit awkward as teens when their friends had big houses with their own bedrooms,but their friends werent bothered and actually thought it was cool!
DCs went on to university etc and seem fairly normal.

[BananaMamas]

@SerenityNowwwww ahahah me too! We’d be in a flat in suburban London, not the best of either world I guess but the area is lovely and would struggle to leave just to get a house further out

[SerenityNowwwww]

We are in central London - so the majority of ds friends who lived locally lived in flats (some were flipping amazing flats mind you) with a few in houses (mostly expats/embassy families in work paid for rentals).

When he visits friends way across London who live in houses he always tells me that he’d rather live centrally in a flat than further out in a house. Of course I’d rather live centrally in a big house…😆

[BananaMamas]

Came across this as I'm in a similar situation and often wonder the same. I know it's an old post but if you are reading this OP, what are your thoughts after DC has been in school for a while? Did you realise you were just worrying for nothing?

[MondeoFan]

I've lived in a beautiful flat and an ugly house. If it's not more space you're after it wouldn't bother me. If it bothers others that's on them not on you.

[user1471462428]

If you want to be popular with your kids friends, get snacks....., lots of snacks. Children don’t give a shit about houses just food

[JoJoSM2]

To be honest, it may be that lots of children in the very big houses go to private school.

That’s what I’d expect.

[Clackyheels]

I don't mean to be harsh, but in a week when a woman died next to her malnourished baby, because she couldn't afford to live. Get a grip. 'Will my children be judged for living in a big flat in London'. Sometimes I think mumsnet is another world.

[coaleo]

@PotteringAlong

Reverse snobbery. Never even thought about that before but makes complete sense 😮

[SimonJT]

The Queen lives in a flat.

If people care if you live in a house, flat, mobile home etc then they probably aren’t people to welcome into your lives. Children thinking there is something wrong with living in a flat etc probably have snobby parents.

We live in a flat in Hackney, the only way I’ll leave it is in a body bag. I only know one person in the area who lives in a house, everyone else is in a flat or maisonette.

[doadeer]

I wonder if you're near me! We will be in same boat. A lovely flat (no garden but huge balcony) though my son is still young we will likely stay here to enter catchment for excellent primary. I hope kids don't judge a flat... Though id be surprised if you are the only ones.

[gurglebelly]

No-one cares, and really houses are only desired more because they are bigger and most flats don't have outside space - you have 3 beds and a garden, relax OP your children are very lucky

[OldBean2]

Just to say, my best friend at Secondary lived in a flat, I lived with n a council house. Her flat had 17 rooms and she was the richest girl in our class... I was probably one of the poorest. She loved our house and would often talk about the stuff she loved, like our coal fires!

Cities are full of flats or apartments, as long as it is happy inside, that and that alone is all that other children will remember.

[parrotonthesofa]

You must have very little to worry about if you are even thinking about this.

[Bbq1]

When my ds was young he loved going to play with friends who lived in flats. Think it was cool to him. Nobody is bothered though.

[MsSquiz]

I was lucky enough to get into a private school with a bursary, aged 11 and I lived in a 2 bed council flat with my DM.
My friends all had huge 4/5/6 bed houses with huge gardens, music rooms, more than 1 living room, en suites, etc.

Everyone always wanted to have sleepovers at my house because my DM would chuck us in the living room with duvets, sleeping bags, pillows, a tonne of popcorn and films to watch.

To this day, my best friend will still mention the bacon sandwiches my DM always made us for breakfast!

House size doesn't make a difference to real friends

[dementedma]

We have raised 3 kids in a flat, near an area where there are a lot of big houses. A lot of the DC’s friends lived rurally in big houses with lots of grounds, so I can’t lie. yes, there were times when they didn’t want to invite their friends round because of how we lived. But those who did come loved it. Slept on the floor in sleeping bags and accepted we didn’t have a shower etc.
One friend of DD2’s was desperate to visit as a young teen. She came from a v wealthy family. When we pulled up outside i gave the usual speech to visiting children that they had to remember there were people living underneath so they had to watch the noise and be careful not to be bouncing around too much.
She looked at me in utter delight, “ How amazing! I’ve never been in a house where other people live there too. Awesome! This is sooooooo cool!”.
My face was a picture! this child got a first at Oxford and then a top scholarship to do their PhD in something to do with research into heart disease. Still thing of her coming to stay and smile though.

[Minimumstandard]

Your DC has a garden, their own room and you have a spare room. Sounds like the perfect amount of space for a family your size. I don't imagine anyone would judge so long as your flat is relatively clean and uncluttered (and even then my standards for judging are very low... Only if the home is visibly unsafe ).

[Shouldbedoing]

Charlie and Lola live in a flat.

[Steppingonrakes]

DD went to a private school. We lived in a flat at that time. One of her school friends shared a private jet with another family and another’s garage was bigger than our whole home. There will always be people in your life with bigger and better homes/cars/holidays/clothes etc but if you are happy, healthy and love your home that is all that matters. Anyone who judges you enough to not be your friend or your DDs friend is not worth having in your life. I live in a HA 1 bed flat. Every friend I have lives in much better areas than me and have big houses. But it absolutely isn’t an issue. Don’t even think about moving to take into account what some people might think of your flat. It sounds perfect.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

My DD went to an international school in Surrey. All of her friends there (mostly American) lived in huge houses with pools in gated communities. We live in a flat in Central London. Most weekends we had two or three sleeping over because it was easy for them to go out in town at night, and they were home in 10 minutes on the night bus. The girls all said that DD1 was so lucky to live centrally and they loved our “cool apartment” with its books, music and art. We were definitely the poorest in the school, but it really didn’t matter.

[timetest]

Anyone who cares and judges about this won’t be worth knowing.

[SerenityNowwwww]

We’re in a flat too - very central and in a good location. Of course I’d love more room and a garden of my own (I’m a country girl) but I appreciate the benefits.

[imissthesouth]

Truth is they probably will be judged. More so by the parents than the kids, I grew up in a (pretty huge) country home and was judged for that by my teachers and peers. Everyone is judged in parts of their lives. Honestly though as you live in central london a flat with a garden is very impressive. I wouldn't worry :)

[PotteringAlong]

Reverse snobbery is a thing. Be careful that the only one with a chip on their shoulder about this isn’t you.