Real boy and girl differences

[EveryoneLoves09876]

There is so much debate about real differences in sex (as opposed to gender and culture norms). You also get so much gender disappointment and I know mumsnet is mostly girl preference, but I've had jobs working in communities where boys are enormously favoured, so don't feel too sorry for boys lol. This doesn't give the real picture.

I'd be really interested in seeing what mumsnetters think are the main differences are between their girls and boys - if they have both!! Or do you really think the differences are nothing to do with their sex?

I have a baby boy and try to be as neutral as possible, giving him all sorts of toys and clothing (e.g. dolls as well as trains, clothes from boys and girls section although I haven't actually put him in a dress!) I don't want to bring him up in a sexist way but I'm sure I am without realising it! I try not to see his traits as sex related, although family already go on about his energy and appetite as if that's a male thing. I have no daughter to compare him to!

Do you feel like this is a real difference and what are they if so?

[EveryoneLoves09876]

Also when did you notice them if so? For the first 4 months I kind of forgot mine was a boy! Just a baby that kept me so busy!

[userabcname]

I have 2 boys. Oldest is 3. So far, I've not seen any difference - I think sex is largely irrelevant in babies. I think the only different thing would be my MIL and mother would have kitted us out in all pink sparkly dresses rather than blue, usually vehicle-themed, clothes.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

I have two DDs. I have friends with DC similar ages, but one of each. What ive noticed over the years is that those with two of same sex put differences down to them being different people, but people with DC of different sex out the differences down to sex differences. So one of my DDs is quiet and introvert, the other is talkative and OTT. One is dinosaur obsessed one likes owls and flamingos. One likes adventure stories, the other likes magical worlds.

As they get older, hormone differences can have an effect. But not before puberty. There is no sex predisposition to liking pink or trains or red or dolls etc.

[Pipandmum]

I think there is a big difference. My post natal group that continued after the classes were three girls and my son. They all played well, though he was more physically active than any of the girls (more apt to run off etc). That could of course been his personality too. But when they were about three one of the mums brought a friend along with a boy - suddenly they were both going around the garden hitting things while the girls played calmly together as usual.
My daughter had all of his toys - I didn't buy her many others. She wasn't particularly in to dolls. But when she played all the teddies were in family groups, the play was calm and story based. Whenever my son played with the same toys it was all about being thrown off a cliff or having a battle.
They both went to an art group during school breaks. All the kids did the same projects, one memorable one was to do drawings based on the French Madeleine books. Both produced lovely artwork but my son's had an alarming amount of guns - after the story where the nuns were robbed (no guns in the actual story).
And asking others who had boys and/or girls and it was (generally) the same. Boys tended to be higher energy, restless, boisterous and physical, the girls quieter, calmer, more biddable, more nimble. These are very young kids with limited influence from the greater society. Of course their parents could have done some modelling, but they ranged from both in full time work, stay at home mums, a stay at home dad, and all quite keen not to stereotype behaviour.
Ask any teacher and I bet they will tell you there are (with exceptions) distinctive differences between boys and girls from a very young age. And not all is from outside forces.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I have two boys and two girls. From my observations of groups of kids I would say that on the whole, when they are under 5, boys are more physical and energetic and girls are much better at talking and concentrating.

However neither of these stereotypes seemed to apply to my own kids: They are much the same; my boys are very gentle for boys and my girls are tomboys.

[KatharinaRosalie]

I have one of each and I haven't seen any sex based differences. Yes they often play differently with their friends, but I'm quite sure that's learned. While DD does not play as rough with her friends as DS does, she is just as rough and physical and energetic when it's just the 2 of them.

[KatharinaRosalie]

And you're right of course, people treat the exact baby totally differently and interpret their behaviour differently based on if they think it's a boy or a girl.

[SpeedofaSloth]

I have a DD and a DS. The thing I noticed was that both played with the same baby doll and pushchair as toddlers, but DD looked after her baby while DS played alongside his baby like an imaginary friend. Could simply be personalities though.

[BalloonSlayer]

My oldest is a boy and second a girl. Till the age of about 3-4 she played with exactly the same stuff as he did, all the same toys, all the same interests, Thomas, Thunderbirds, Star Wars etc. Then suddenly got interested in sparkles, glitter and dolls.

They are both young adults now and not dissimilar, both have a strong social conscience, the only difference is that he is a gamer and she really isn't and I do tend to associate gaming more with males. (I know females do play computer games but I'd say the percentage is lower.)

[ShinyFootball]

The BBC thing about how people treated babies differently depending on what they were told their sex was was eye opening.

The people hadn't even realised that they did that and were really taken aback.

I'll see if I can find it, it's not a long thing to watch.

[Wolfiefan]

You’re taking about the expectations of each sex and what society deems acceptable. Not about what is an actual difference due to a child having a penis or vagina.
Boys being more physical? Because they are encouraged to “let off steam” and parents indulgently say how “boys will be boys”.
That’s why.
Children are individuals. It’s not their genitals that determine how they behave.

[NotPennysBoat]

Echoing a pp - I had my first DD in the same month she had her first DD. Three years later she had a boy and I had another girl. She's CONSTANTLY saying how her DS is SO different from her DD - but my DD2 is exactly the same! More energetic/boisterous/challenging. They're different characters, sure - but it's not to do with their sex!

[ShinyFootball]

[SylvanianFrenemies]

I have 2 girls. The oldest isn't much into stereotypically girly stuff. She likes minecraft, maths, sports. She's quiet, polite and thoughtful.
The younger likes dolls, cuddly toys, babies, animals. She's boisterous and destructive, loves climbing and play fighting.
So on my unscientific study I'm going to say kids are kids. They are individuals, and their sex doesn't dictate their behaviour or personality.

[Kidneybingo]

What ive noticed over the years is that those with two of same sex put differences down to them being different people, but people with DC of different sex out the differences down to sex differences.
I've noticed this too, but it seems to me that birth order is more likely to create some of the differences, along with societal influence.

[Poetryinaction]

I have 1 ds and 2 dds.
As babies they were all the same. All bright, easy, non sleepers but happy and reached milestones at similar times.
Ds is a talker. He talked early and well. He loves books, acting, stories. He is sensitive, loves pink, dresses, my little pony. He is 6. He's also very good at maths but has no confidence or interest in sport. He doesn't want to ride a bike.
Dd1 was quicker to walk but slower to talk. She is active and more confident at physical stuff. Her memory isn't as good but she perseveres. She loves drawing. She is 4. She hates physical contact/ hugs etc.
Dd2 is only 2 but is more like her brother. She talked early and well and loves singing. She is very affectionate.
So in my experience very little is down to sex.

[peajotter]

I don’t know. I was of the opinion that there were very few differences at a young age. However my kids haven’t borne that out. They all had the same toys, but the girls gave the cars names and family groups. The boys didn’t play with the dolls and used the dolls house as a garage. I have tried very hard to treat them as gender neutral as possible, and they didn’t go to childcare until 3+

However any differences are much smaller than the overall spread of personalities within each sex.

[slipperywhensparticus]

I've had girl and two boys the difference I noticed was how everyone else treated them the boys were played with more roughly encouraged to hit the naughty ground if they fell over smack it because it hurt you my daughter was expected to cry and offered loads of comfort the boys are called names for not wanting to join in with rough play and be loud my daughter is expected to be quiet (I would prefer they were all bloody quiet to be honest) the boys are allowed to be fussy eaters "like their dad" (he cant be that fussy he eats his moms food and due to her (medically diagnosed) OCD its an adventure I'm glad I dont need to repeat post divorce)

I've noticed penis priority even though the boys are younger they are given more food sit in the front seat never given money in case I save it for them or spend it for them it's insane

[Witchend]

I have 2x dd, followed by 1x ds.

I think one of the differences could have been seen watching ds, aged 2/3 yo, at a ballet lesson.

When the teacher had them all flying (meant to be randomly) round as birds, the girls all automatically all danced round in the same direction circle, flapping their wings slowly, and tiptoeing nicely.
Ds went in the opposite direction and pretended to bump into them and fall over. His wings were rigid and when asked he was an aeroplane.

Ds was very happy to play with dolls (he strapped pillowcases to their back and threw them downstairs as parachutes) and dolls buggies (either used as battering rams or turned over so he could watch the wheels spinning)
And the girls happily played with their train set. However whereas ds it was all about the set up and pushing the train round the track, for the girls it was to make up a game where the doll/teddy/they travelled on the train to the seaside.

When they first started choosing their own books to read, the girls wanted magic and fairies, ds wanted facts.

My dds are also very different in personality, but the way they played was very different to ds.

[Ohhgreat]

I think sex can mean a child has more of a predisposition to certain behaviours, but that is by no means a guarantee. As long as the child is allowed to play with what they want, I dont see an issue!

[Wtfdidwedo]

I have two girls, neither are old enough for school yet and we don't have friends their age, only cousins they see a few times a month. They attend nursery once a week so have quite little outside influence. Their concept of gender is probably mostly shaped by what they've seen on kids TV.

They're both quite boisterous and energetic, but probably slightly less so than my nephews at the same age. My eldest loves looking after dolls/babies/any toys though. She carries them around and pretends to take them to the park, school, the doctors etc. and calls them her children! I was a tomboy growing up and didn't even consider having children pretty much until I got married so it's caught me a bit by surprise to see how she plays. I was always more interested in football than anything else.

[LunaNorth]

Two sons here.

Chalk and cheese doesn’t cover it.

[SleepingStandingUp]

This is interesting, I have all boys, eldest is 5, he has 1 Princess dress he wears (requested) and he's happy to be the boy or girl character when he dresses up as a superhero from his favourite show. He's not realty into cars or dinosaurs (the latter makes me sad lol) but does lots of imaginery play of said favourite show so lots of saving the day and beating the baddies etc
I'd say he isn't typically "boyish" I'm many ways altho school said not to worry about his poor handwriting as he's a boy.
The babies are tiny so will be interesting to see what differences there are esp with twins.

I'd say DH other than being onto comics and Marvel isn't overly "manly" in the stereotypical sense

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Baby boys can spray further when they wee!

Aside from the difference in genitals it is impossible to generalise.

I have a 10 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. They are very very different in personality. What I don’t know is how much of that difference is boy/girl, how much is oldest child / youngest child, how much is 10 vs 7 (and I’ve just forgotten what dd was like at 7), how much is Lucy vs Jack, how much is because me and dh treat them differently (due to boy/girl or oldest/youngest or Various other reasons for me) and how much is because the world treats them differently (because boy/girl).

[attackedbycritters]

Perceived sex differences in young children reflect our expectation more than the children

Tests with young toddlers and nursery staff. The nursery staff reported how the girls were kind, caring, played nicely with dolls. The boys were boisterous, preferred rough and tumble

Oniy the thing was, it turned out that sometimes the girls had been dressed in boys clothing and vice versa and the nursery staff were actually treating the children different depending on the clothes they were wearing and the children responded in the appropriate way!

The stronger the sex difference you see, the more likely you are to have strong sex based biases

There is a great game on Harvard university website that allows you to explore your unconscious bias