Is anyone here married to a police officer?

[Lisaamiesophie]

Hi,
This is my first post as I feel I need impartial advice...
my DH has his final interview to become a police officer in two weeks. The thought of him getting the job is making me feel sick for many reasons :

1. We are trying for a baby at his request as I already have two children from a previous relationship ( for the most part of their childhood I was a single mother) I'm worried with the shifts etc I'll spend most of my time alone with baby.
2. I keep hearing that the divorce rate is around 80 percent for police officers.
3. Affairs are apparently rife in the police force due to close bonding and a lack of family time.
4. I'm not looking forward to spending many weekends and holidays without him
5. DH did not ask my views regarding the job but applied anyway despite the impact on family.

For all of these reasons I have asked him to re-consider the job however I know that this is selfish of me. We have had a huge argument and we are now not speaking.
Can anyone offer advice please? Does anyone have an experience of anything similar?
The thought of him getting this job and the impact it could have on our lives is making me feel sick with worry x

Kind regards
Lisa xxx

I've been in a relationship with a Police Officer for 6 years.

Work is a massive strain on our relationship. Team comes first, always. Always late off work.

The Police force is not family friendly, partners are never asked to any functions or doo's which I find highly disrespectful because partners are always the ones that pick up the officer at home. I've lost count how many times I've woke up and had to sit and listen to my partner because she's been to a highly emotional job (I really don't mind it, I was a TRIM practioner in the Army)

She always tells me about relationships going on at work between team members, and has been involved in one herself (but that was before we met, and when she was with her previous partner) this is why partners do not ever get invited to socialise with their team or even to Christmas functions etc, something I find highly unusual after spending a long time in the Army where partners are highly involved. I've broached this many times and always get the same response 'its the way its always been'

She has stayed on after work many times unpaid, to have a drink at the work bar or have refs after work.

I struggle to find the positives to take away if I'm honest.

It's definitely not the right job if you've just had a baby or are planning to have a baby.

Zombie thread.

DH was a police officer (recently retired) and to be honest although there were hard times - Christmas Day etc, not knowing if he would actually be home on time - it also meant he was around a lot more for the children. He often got to come to sports day, plays etc and he saw far more of them than many of their friends parents who went out at 7am and got home at 7pm in a 9-5 job. Obviously it is harden when they are babies but they are not babies long.

hi, my girlfriend has recently applied to become a Police Officer and she has three children that I jointly look after alongside their father, (ex husband), who I dont have a good relationship with and the opportunity for her to go into this career would be amazing for her! I spent so much time thinking of how much it would benefit her and everything that I had never considered the affect it would have on us a family, especially as I’m not a main parent figure in the children’s lives. Although I have accepted that role it would fall more responsibilities onto me that I’ve never had before. reading about how difficult it is accepting an actual lifestyle being with someone in that profession has left me feeling incredibly anxious about it. For her and I, for her and the kids, her safety all of it really. Although I want to support her fully it’s become harder discovering the realities. I was wondering if there is anyone else who’s felt the same at the start of the process perhaps?

The job comes first second and third if you want to succeed in it. You will have to be extremely patient and tolerant. Rest days can be cancelled as short notice as a couple of hours if he is required at court chucks a real spanner in if he was looking after kids that day and you are working.
If you aren't 110% prepared to be the default parent you will find it a big adjustment.
Shift patterns can change. Change is the only consistency, that impacts on everyone at home.

Wow ,really ?