About my dad's 70th and DB?

[Ealingkate]

My dad is 70 at the beginning of next year and we've said that we would have a summer party at our house and invite all the family. For his actual birthday my dad said to my mum that he would love to go out for a meal with just me and my DB and mum, no partners, no kids, just the four of us. I said lovely, my DH is fine, my DB says, "No".
He thinks it is wrong and that he and his DW come as a package, he ended up shouting at my mum on the phone when she was trying to encourage him to change his mind.
I talked to my mum yesterday and she is very upset and disappointed that my DB feels this way and also that he shouted at her. So we decided that we would go out for the meal anyway, just the three of us.
So I was looking for some opinions on whether it is an unreasonable request to ask that just this once, we go out together as a family unit without partners?? What would you say to your DB?

I understand your dad's reasoning
I'd hate the thought me and dh and our two dcs won't be a 'four' in the future
After all that's how we started!! Well as a 2, then a 3. You get my drift

Exactly Cat. And when your family starts as a two then a three then a four, no one says "hey, to make this special occasion really extra special lets go out just Mum and Dad and the eldest child, like it was in the old days" do they?

DH and his brothers took his Dad out for a special day for his 70 th, not even my mil was invited.
I know that my pil like me and my sils but every now and then they have a time when it's just them, say if we all go over to pil house, fil and his sons will have a chat in the study while the rest of us play games in the sitting room
I expect my DH enables the same thing to happen so I can spend time with my DM and dsis

I don't think it's an odd request; I can quite understand that it's nice sometimes to have a specific group of people that have a specific dynamic, and that it can be nice to have the family together as it has previously been before in-laws joined. My sisters are both visiting from abroad soon and we have planned our time so that we get some time with partners there, and some without. Also, my DP has had birthday meals with his sister and parents and that has not seemed at all strange to me (perhaps easier because his sister is single so I would be the only 'non-family' member)

I think your brother is being unreasonable not to accommodate a birthday request and that it's perfectly reasonable to go on without him if you all think you'd have a nice time.

I think it's a lovely idea! There are times when my PILs visit that they will go out just with DH as they want some time with their son. That doesn't mean that they don't want me around at all!

When I visit my family abroad we all make sure that the siblings catch up, if the IL's can make it then great, but if they can't, then so be it!

cat64 my M & D love my DCs to bits and they also love my DH, they love spending time with him and them.
There is a different dynamic when just the four of us are together, not better not extra special, just different. We don't find the time in our busy, geographically challenged lifes to ever be together ordinarily. Just because we would like to do it once, doesn't invalidate all the other times that we spend together as an extended family. Why do you think it does?

I think its a fine request and not at all odd - I love it when its just my me, my mum and my sister - its fun to talk about the old days without having to be aware of boring others.

Your brother sounds a plank - I mean its one evening.

And I wouldn't be at all bothered if mil wanted to do this with DH - gosh, I positively encourage them to spend time together without me

And when my dcs are old I would really like to think that sometimes I will get to see their own.

I think its an odd request too. I would feel incredibly hurt if my fil wanted to go out for a meal with just mil, dh and dbil. And I am in no way shape or form "clingy" with my dh, we have very separate lives infact, but I would find it strange and oddly insulting too, definitely.

sorry cat62 I wasn't meaning to have a go, I'm just interested in your perspective (as well as all the other people who have taken the time to post), maybe I have asked you specifically as you may have the same viewpoint as my brother and I really trying to empathise, as I just don't get it.
I think I need to count the votes for and against!!

Sorry, I'm in the odd request group too.

My DH is my family now. So If my parents wanted to have a family meal without my family there, I wouldn't want to go. I would see it as a rejection of my DH as he would be specifically excluded from the event.

I don't believe families should exclude family members from family events. In my book, I would see that as rude, insulting and just plain wrong. Its not like this is just a random event, it is a 70th birthday celebration.

If it were my husband being excluded in this way, I wouldn't go.

Another fence sitter here also. I can understand your parents wanting it to be just the four of you, but I can also imagine my DH being a bit put out if he was specifically excluded from something. I frequently pack him and DD off to his family get togethers and I would be happy to go to mine without him, if he didn't want to come, I suppose it is the specific exclusion that seems odd.

When me and my DB get together my DH is more than happy to leave us alone as he says we reminisce about the same events time and time again.

I think it's perfectly reasonable. We have always been a close family (both immediate and extended) and now DSis and I live hundreds of miles away from both each other and our parents it is nice to go back to being 'just us four'. I think my parents like to forget, just for a few minutes, that we're grown-up independent women They really like my DP and have invited him on holidays/to their house, ditto with my sister's friends and we always have other people over at Christmas. Just once or twice however it's nice to go down memory lane.

I think your brother's being a bit of a plonker OP. Book the table for three but it is worth reminding him that he's very welcome if he wants - he might get over it and join you.

I don't think it's odd, and there may be other reasons why your parents want it to be you and your brother as opposed to spouses as well.

I think it's a lovely idea, means you and your parents can do the'do you remember when' stuff without thinking about boring the partners who have no idea what you are talking about. I think this looking back stuff becomes increasingly important as parents get older.
My DH would not have been the slightest bit offended and neither would I be if his parents had wanted to do this.