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Original poster

BIG Insult from friend's husband. What should I do?

57 replies

GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 21:12

My neighbour has her good points, but is also highly competitive particularly when it comes to children. Her husband's even worse.

At the park today the husband said: "People always say how beautiful >two year old DS< is, but it's not until you compare him with other children than you can see how true that is." The only other children there at the time were my two year old DD and a three year old friend. So, I said "You mean in comparison to >my DD< and >friend

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Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:01

Right, thanks hmc. I'll do it.

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Spero · 23/03/2011 22:02

I wouldn't say anything. Either he has disappeared completely up his own arse and won't hear you, or it was said deliberately to upset you. I think the first is most likely.

Just avoid when possible; if asked directly I think it is acceptable to explain why but otherwise, why bother? As you say, it is useful to be on civil terms with neighbours.

squeaver · 23/03/2011 22:04

Sorry but I'd keep them as friends for the entertainment value. I properly LOLed at your OP.

WinkyWinkola · 23/03/2011 22:05

I don't think my children are the most beautiful, intelligent, gifted, incredible beings to walk this earth. Far from it. But they're mine and I love them massively regardless. And I try to fill them with confidence no matter what.

OP, I think your 'friends' sound like very odd folk to be banging on about their children in this way. Even if they thought this way, it's quite another thing to feel the need to put someone else's child down in comparison. Quite pathetic really.

Don't do a dramatic binning, just slowly pull back and a bit of active avoidance. And I'd also avoid saying bad things about them to other people. That will come back and bite you on the bum sometime. It's happened to me before and I thought I was just letting off steam!

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:06

Thanks Spero. Yes, we'll be civil but not friendly.

They're both totally up their own arses, which is odd isn't it?

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AitchTech · 23/03/2011 22:07

there was once a REALLY interesting thread on here where someone said 'i think my kids are pretty average, and one it actually ugly' or words to that effect and by god it caused UPROAR. some people think that parents should only be able to see their kids as raving beauties... (some people, imo, are too bound up with looks, though, and aren't doing their kids any favours).

my response to people like this tends to be along the line of a broad smile and a 'you don't half say some silly shite sometimes, you know that?' rather than taking offence. he didn't mean to give offence, he just wanted to bum himself up via a small child...

QuintessentialShadows · 23/03/2011 22:08

I think honesty might work.

next time they say anything, just reply
"You do realize, dont you, that every parent think their OWN child is the most beautiful, and clever little person ever"

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:09

I agree, WinkyWinkola - I'm trying not to talk to friends about it (in fact today's the first day I have and there have been a whole series of nasty comparisons and comments over the years I've known them). It was amazing how much everyone nodded and all had a tale to tell too though. Made me think people were going to say "Yanbu" Wink!

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Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:13

AitchTech, I think it's wrong to be so bound up on appearance too. Particularly when the children are so young. That's part of the reason why I'm annoyed - I don't like the idea of someone looking at my DD and other children and criticising the way they look. Why on earth is that important? The children today were healthy-looking, clean and enjoying themselves. An adult shouldn't judge their looks. Oh no, I'm getting angry again now! This is sleep-depravation for you. Must go to bed in a min!

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seeker · 23/03/2011 22:15

Are they good neighbours in oother ways? I would just laught and store the comments up to giggle over with dp later over a glass of wine. Don;t let it sour things between you - a friendly neighbour with similar aged children will be very useful in the future. And it's horrible having to ignore the person next door when you hang your washing out.

My brother's a bit like this. We have dd's the same age. I just keep a mental list and grade the remarks for amusement value. My favourite was when the girls were about 4. I said "Oh, does X (his dd) like dressingup? Y (my dd) loves it" and he replied "Oh no, X's imagination doesnt need props"

AitchTech · 23/03/2011 22:15

honestly, don't get angry... he sounds hilarious imo.

pooka · 23/03/2011 22:16

I wouldn't say anything.

Honestly - is the kind of comment that would make me laugh rather than be offended. I'd think he's a twat, but would enjoy having the anecdote to share with people. Obviously though would not see him as having much use as a friend - he's clearly an idiot.

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:18

He's a knob. The first time I met him he asked if DP and I were "on good money". This was within five mins of meeting him.

All he ever does is compare our lives and show off.

Oooo, I'm very glad that you're encouraging me to cut them off. It's definitely the only option now. Phew!

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Goblinchild · 23/03/2011 22:19
Grin The real entertainment is watching the whitewash job the parents try to do when their darling does something dreadful. Like the first inappropriate peeing competition in school, the first lie to get someone else in trouble, the first 'It just fell into my pocket' response. They either get a grip and see what's happening, or they continue to cover and delude and deceive themselves and their children. Then they have to live with the teenagerthey have created. It's worth the wait, believe me.
bemybebe · 23/03/2011 22:21

Hahaha, what a tool. Do not tell them anything, it sounds like he did not even understand what he said, but I would definitely keep my distance.

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:22

Oh, Goblinchild, he's a figure of worship and will rebel with a vengeance one day...I hope! Grin

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Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:23

You're right bemybebe! I'll not tell them anything in future. Easier that way.

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Skinit · 23/03/2011 22:24

A friend does this..."Isn't DS the best looking baby ever?" I'm like this "Er..no..my DD is!" at which she laughs but doesn't get it!

She also says things like "My DH says I'm the best looking woman in here tonight"If we're out...I feel like pointing all the hot girls out and aying..nah...there's about 30 better looking love!

but I would never do it..she's insecure and this helps her.

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:24

I REALLY want to tell you what they've called the new baby but I can't for obvious reasons. It's VERY appropriate though. Grin

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colditz · 23/03/2011 22:25

the partner of a friend once said "I don't want DD playing with all the council kids, I want her to make nice friends"

That would be council kids like mine then....

A few months later I invited them both to dinner, and he refused to get off MY PC to eat, taking his plate back to MY PC despite me asking him to switch it off so my children could eat without being distract (small house)

He has not been back in my house since, neither have I spent more than 30 seconds in his company since, and I did sadly have to tell my lovely friend why.

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:25

Skinit, that's very frustrating. Nothing more off-putting than someone's who's attractive but they're full of themselves, is there?

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Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:27

That's unbelievable, colditz! Oh, a "council kid" couldn't be nice them. What a tosser!

Was he MN'ing? If so, fair enough. Wink

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activate · 23/03/2011 22:29

she's called Belle?

Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:30

No, it's much worse than that.

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Original poster
GoldenHaze · 23/03/2011 22:32

activate, I've PM'd you (my first ever PM!) the name, as I couldn't resist.

I'm on bitching over-drive now! Blush.

Better get to bed...

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