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Husband ruining all my plans
233

mrswormwood1 · 08/12/2021 09:48

Just need to moan and feel sorry for myself with you all! And possible hear someone call my husband a pig? Will definitely cheer me up 😂
My son is 2 and finally understands who Santa is and that Santa is gonna bring him presents this year..
I've been saving my pennies for months and been so careful about what gifts I pick for my son because I wanted things I know he would love and appreciate
I ended up with about 4 presents for him but each and every one was thought out and special..
I just want to make it a lovely memory for him and us..
only problem is my husband.
About a week or two ago I left my husband to watch my son for a couple hours while I went to the hospital for an appointment (pregnant) when I came back my husband had found a hidden presents and opened it and gave it to my son! I was a bit annoyed but not too unhappy as it was only a bubble bath set so not one of the main presents! This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present I was most excited about to see his reaction when he opens it on Christmas morning!
I've saved and shopped and planned everything to make this special and he keeps ruining it! I don't have a lot of money to keep replacing gifts at this rate my little one will have nothing left to open on Christmas Day..

OP's posts:
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Twilight7777 · 09/12/2021 08:23

What a selfish barsteward! I’d be raging and this to me says he doesn’t respect you at all

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diddl · 09/12/2021 08:38

"I've always known he wasn't the best and that he could do better

I think you meant to say

I've always known he wasn't the best and that I could do better"

I would have thought that Op means that his behaviour could be better.

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Kennykenkencat · 09/12/2021 09:02

He also said that I can just box it back up he opened the box carefully and cause my son is only 2 he'll forget about it by the time Christmas comes around

This is just arrogant. He thinks your Ds is stupid. Of course he will know he played with a toy a couple of weeks earlier.
I think this sums up his attitude to you and your Ds

diddl Maybe but I still think op could do better

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 09/12/2021 09:24

His excuse is just that, an excuse and a very thin one. There's no way he didn't do this on purpose. You bought the the gift he told you not to buy, so he ruined you getting to see DS excited face on Christmas Day when you gave him this gift you'd spent so long thinking about and saving for.

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KateInHappyland · 09/12/2021 09:38

The first time, ok, could be passed off as an accident depending on the circumstances.
But the fact he’s actively done it again shows he doesn’t care and is deliberately doing this to you, or (as others have said) is just really fucking stupid.
I’d be livid.

Do you think he’s doing it to be spiteful because he didn’t contribute to the expensive gift? An ‘if I can’t get it for him, no one can’ situation?

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ProfessionalWeirdo · 09/12/2021 09:39

I'm sorry to be so brutal, but you need to see what your son will see growing up.

Boys learn a lot about how to treat women by seeing how their father treats their mother.

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NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 09/12/2021 09:57

I feel
Sorry for him that his mum died when he was so little & his Dad married someone who wasn't able or willing to be a good Stepmum. My mum had that happen to her too (plus other horrible stuff) but you know what? She was a brilliant mum, wanted to give us what she'd missed out on. It didn't make her blind to how things should be for kids.

He's just a stupid, selfish twat who won't improve just because you're having another baby.

He has done a right number on you, don't accept it!! Personally I don't think men like him change. I don't think people do really. They may sometimes learn better behaviour, but they don't change 'who they are'

I think the only sane thing to do is leave, but if you don't then you need to tell him to grow the fuck up! If his child is upset he needs to learn to comfort & reassure him, not give him presents.

He needs to respect your time & effort.

'pushing shit uphill' springs to mind, I'd far rather be a single parent to 2, than 2+ twat

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user33323 · 09/12/2021 09:59

I have muslim relatives, and first born boys in the family absolutely are spoiled beyond all rational reason. Given whatever they want, whenever they want, despite the parents requests not to buy them whatever they ask for or pour sugar in their bottles etc. So from my own experience (which may be out of the ordinary) there could be a cultural element to this. But this isn't a grandparent or uncle, so I'm absolutely not excusing this behaviour, I just wanted to give my experience for those saying being Muslim is irrelevant.

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Stravaig · 09/12/2021 10:03

Another thread where focus is on the superficial drama yet the only pertinent question is why on earth, OP, are you having a second child with this man, when 5 seconds reflection shows he is not a good husband or father?

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KosherDill · 09/12/2021 10:07

Have to agree he sounds selfish and immature. I'm sorry your efforts were disregarded for his convenience.

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KosherDill · 09/12/2021 10:10

@Heronwatcher

I don’t know for sure but if you’ve explained it to him, it sounds to me as though he has done it on purpose to show you he is the boss. And also to be cruel as he knew you were looking forward to giving the gift to your son. I think on any level these are red flags and you need to think about getting your kids out of the situation- try to save some money and build bridges with family and friends. Don’t worry about your son’s present, he won’t really remember this, worry more about the longer term.


Agree it was deliberate and the callous cruelty doesn't bode well. He'll be a poor role model, I'm afraid.
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GatoradeMeBitch · 09/12/2021 11:46

He only cares about being a hero in front of his child. He contributed nothing, did none of the work, but he got the payoff. You didn't even get to be there to see your child excited.

Firstly, stop buying gifts with only your money. He's a joint child, his expenses should be jointly paid. And perhaps your DH will have more respect for that if his money is involved too.

Give him a list to replace the two missing gifts. Ideally from his own budget.

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Robinhorn · 09/12/2021 12:31

He obviously doesn’t respect you. What you allow, is what continues. Narcissistic people love to cause pain and upset at holidays and special occasions to ruin them. Look up melanie tonia Evans and Sam Vaknin ( YouTube). Look at the red flags, if he’s narcissistic you need to move on.

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Notwithittoday · 09/12/2021 14:38

I suspect he was looking for some peace and quiet at any cost and it was you footing the bill in terms of money and effort.
You’re going to have serious issues with him going forward

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saleorbouy · 09/12/2021 14:53

He sounds a bit of a donut OP where did you find him? He obviously doesn't understand the concept of presents and Christmas.

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UnshakenNeedsStirring · 09/12/2021 16:05

He is a lazy pig. He cant be arsed to look after the poor kid and is just letting him open his Christmas presents. Why are you the one scrimping and saving? Is he doing that too? He should be buying the presents now. And you are having another child with this lazy arse. Hope he has other qualities....

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CharityDingle · 09/12/2021 16:24

It's not really about Christmas OP, is it.

He sounds appalling all year round. Just that the Christmas gifts give him the opportunity to be extra spiteful. Sad

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Jewel52 · 09/12/2021 18:17

Something deeper going on here - he’s clearly sabotaging you and happy to put his son in the crossfire. Not good...

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cherish123 · 09/12/2021 18:40

Why would an adult unwrap a present (that is clearly for your son) in early December and give it to DS? YANBU your DH is an idiot! Explain to him - he clearly doesn't get it and make him go out and buy another.

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VioletLemon · 09/12/2021 19:04

WTAFF?! He's sounding like an utter cock tbh.
Getting a picture of him as a lazy, lacking in emotional intelligence child man. You're far too thoughtful and kind to be putting up with this so early on. Demand he bucks up his ideas, buys a new set of gifts that meet your list of criteria for you to present to your child. If he doesn't comply, it's goodbye.

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Longbarn5 · 09/12/2021 21:42

Sorry but he sounds like he has some major issues to me!,

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Benk · 11/12/2021 20:21

I am very sorry to hear this happened to you. There are a number of red flags in your story.

  1. Why would your husband give your presents to you son so far ahead of Christmas that he ruins Christmas for his son. This is flags a insecure, jealous and controlling behaviour. of course he knew these presents were for Christmas and it just screams a deep immaturity on his part. Yes, your should be upset and should be asking him why he deliberately sabotaged his own sons first Christmas that he would understand. This is something a 5 year old would do, he should be an adult and there is no excuse
  2. I am assuming you had communicated that you were getting presents for your son to your husband and told him you both were giving these presents to your child. If not, and you were planing on competing for your child’s affections with a surprise present. it comes across as you are trying to play the fun and good parent and competing with each other for your sons affection. This is deeply unhealthy. If this is the case of course this is going upset your husband. However this is No excuse for his behaviour, however you both are adults and should be on the same page and discussing presents for your son
  3. You scrimp and saved to get these presents and did you did this all behind your husbands back (see point 2) you both should be talking about these things and finances all the time. If your husband should also be contributing, however if you are managing all the finances for your family, this comes across as you not having the real important discussions around finances, your children and both of you are avoiding the difficult conversations. Your husband comes across as passive aggressive and childish and may need a honest conversation about being a grown adult. You on the other hand appear to be think of your son but not including your husband and neglecting the communication and boundary side of the relationship

    I don’t want to be harsh but this sounds dysfunctional and I worry that your husband is controlling, we’re I hope he is just being passive aggressive as this would indicate neglect by both of your in your relationships communication and emotions.

    Only when you have asking he point blank why he did this, will you be able to see if this was out of spite, or a lack of respect for you or just immature tantrum on his behalf.

    If it is spite or a lack of respect start to plan to get out of the relationship now.
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lborgia · 11/12/2021 20:30

Not sure if you're worried for your safety, but the Mirror have picked this up - you might want to have it pulled?

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ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 11/12/2021 21:57

I couldn't see it in the mirror

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BlackBirdOfChernobyl · 11/12/2021 22:11

Much as I hate to give the knee jerk reaction of "dump him", I think you need to ditch this selfish arse ASAP. You deserve better.

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