I’ve just received a diagnosis of autism - AMA

[EatTheBastard]

Thought I’d do an AMA as 1) it will help me process the diagnosis and 2) some of the answers may help others

will struggle to word this one but i hope what you get the gist of what i'm trying to say.

as someone who's also going through the diagnosis stage, do you find it difficult to register the fact that there's no 'cure' or end to this?

ie, as a child i attributed my struggles to maybe depression, or anxiety, both of which have treatments and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel - however with autism there's no such thing, obviously. does that make sense?

You explained your question perfectly, I understand exactly what you mean.

until you asked, I’d not thought about it in that way. At the moment, I feel quite positive in that this now might lead me to something that improves my life.

Hello! Thanks for the thread, OP. I was diagnosed last year after years of wondering and figuring myself out. It’s so interesting to learn about other people’s experiences. I often feel ‘socially invisible’ unless around other neurodivergent people, who can always spot me and vice versa. I was badly bullied at school. Had lots of odd ‘rituals’ as a kid. Pretty sure my parents may also have been autistic too.

Yup. It's recoverable - I've gone back to uni now and loving it. But it was hell at the time.

Hey @EatTheBastard congrats on your diagnosis!
I'm glad you're getting post diagnostic support. Do you mind if I ask what area you are?

We got nothing. Luckily, a year of therapy helped but it certainly wasn't something offered. I had to find a ND specialist counsellor.

hello fellow Autistic person! Yes, it is interesting to hear about other people’s experiences. I was in 2 minds whether to start a thread but I’m so glad I did. Everyone has been so understanding and supportive and it’s been wonderful to read other experiences albeit feeling sad and angry at the awful experiences people have been through. All the questions have been respectful and thoughtful.

I haven’t even thought to look but is there a place already here on mumsnet for autistic people to be a ‘tribe’?

@JumpinJellyfish it basically means that’s if you are Autistic there’s an 80-90% chance you got it from your parents. There other studies suggests it’s typically passed down through the paternal line but only a 30% chance for it to be passed through the maternal. I think that we have such a narrow idea of what autism is, that some of those seemingly NT parents to ND children are actually ND themselves. Also like tends to attract like, I know every single one of my exes has been (undiagnosed) ADHD.

@SaltyChocolate Mine too, for a long time I thought she had a personality disorder of some kind. Nope, just undiagnosed AuDHD with complex CPTSD from a lifetime of traumatic experiences and being misunderstood.

Thanks @QuitChewingMyPlectrum . Of course not, I’m on the south coast.

there certainly seems to be a disparity in the services offered based on what people have shared. I would have thought post diagnostic support would be standard- do you know why?

Thank you. I relate to this and have sometimes wondered about myself.

Op i have two autistic boys age 8 and 4. Sometimes i worried how is their future. Both are bright and speak very well. But not so sire about social aspect. How is your social? Do you have friends? And how is it in your job? Do you find it hard to interact with people in you line of work?

Hi! I'm a NT chatty, sociable person. How would I make you feel comfortable ie if we were colleagues or in a group setting?

I haven’t even thought to look but is there a place already here on mumsnet for autistic people to be a ‘tribe’?

I have seen an “Autistic Mumsnetters Assemble” thread but I haven’t seen it recently, or contributed.

Hi Femme, I’m going to answer as myself but please know that this is only my experience. There are so many different ways that autistic people present so what I’ve experienced will likely not be what your sons future will be.

i grew up on a council estate and there were kids everywhere. It was the done thing after tea to go out and play. I did play so I had neighbourhood friends. However, I felt much much happier being at home reading (I had a LOT of books).

I had school friends so I did have people to play with at playtime. I didn’t have a ‘best’ friend though. At secondary school I had a small group of friends and we hung out at weekends either as a group or 1:1 at our homes.

it was around early 20’s when I really became aware that I was no longer in a social circle of my own and that I wasn’t sought out.

today, I have no-one I would call a friend. I have neighbours, local shop keepers and people from my dance class that I briefly chat to but nothing beyond that.

however, I am really so happy that the world is becoming more neuroinclusive and awareness of neurodivergence is growing. That means the future for your sons will likely not have the same social struggles I’ve had. Also, I do feel hopeful that my diagnosis means that I now might find ‘my tribe’

in my work is where I’ve had the most challenges - people find me intense and focused and find me disconcerting because I hate waffle and flowery language and am not very interested in talking beyond the briefest social basics. I’ve had quite a few managers who have used very negative words to describe me, however I have had managers who are much more inclusive and have embraced the skills that I bring. I have been very successful despite all the challenges and this is because I am focused - once I know what I want, nothing will stop me from achieving it. I earn a six figure salary. Again, I’m happy that my work are doing a big push to make the workplace more inclusive so I feel cautiously optimistic that I won’t continue to be negatively impacted.

long reply - I hope I’ve answered your question.