I've been legally dead (but I got better). AMA.

[iloveeverykindofcat]

Don't think I've seen an AMA for this on mumsnet, so have at.

@sweetbellyhigh Oh yes, I used to be terrified of being dead, of the prospect of 'no more me'. A lot of people are. But now I'm not. Because from my perspective, it won't happen. It will happen, but I won't be there.

[quote iloveeverykindofcat]@sweetbellyhigh Oh yes, I used to be terrified of being dead, of the prospect of 'no more me'. A lot of people are. But now I'm not. Because from my perspective, it won't happen. It will happen, but I won't be there.[/quote]
Genuine question: why?

I'm really glad you're ok OP. I think if you haven't had counselling you probably still should, even if this happened a while ago

As for "Yes, just like before you were born. Nothing to fear" I have long thought this must be the case.

@sweetbellyhigh Gosh it's hard to explain in words....I suppose the fact that I completely didn't experience it. What we fear, ultimately, is our experiences - how we will feel when x happens, rather than x happening. From my perspective, my death didn't happen. I only learned about it afterwards. It wasn't like sleep. It wasn't like anything at all.

Thank you @spacehardware. I probably will look into at some point!

@sweetbellyhigh Oh did you mean why was I afraid before? I suppose the prospect of infinity. The fact I would be dead forever, with no end, no point at which I 'woke up'. I think I had existential dread at the prospect of infinity, or something. It wasn't a rational fear.

Thank you for explaining, I genuinely had no idea that some people felt like this.

"What we fear, ultimately, is our experiences - how we will feel when x happens, rather than x happening"

Gosh this is actually incredibly profound.

@spacehardware

"What we fear, ultimately, is our experiences - how we will feel when x happens, rather than x happening"

Gosh this is actually incredibly profound.

It's the same with joy.

What we look forward to is feeling good, not the shopping or the outing or the holiday, we want the feeling of happiness and contentment.

@iloveeverykindofcat

No, I lost about 2 days of memory before the accident. No idea what I thought I was doing, but I was apparently carrying a laptop (which broke). The last thing I remember is going to bed on a Sunday night.

Wonder if this retrograde amnesia could be explained by trauma? (either physical /psych or both?) Your mind may be protecting you from remembering the difficult bit - whatever that was?

In RTAs one of the biggest predictors of NOT getting PTSD is being knocked out around the time of the accident... It's difficult to have this when there is no difficult memory?

Possibly. Or it could be due to the coma. Either way I don't think I have PTSD. Like you say, you can't really be traumatised be something you didn't experience. Obviously waking up in ICU was very nasty but I don't think it traumatised me.

OP thanks so much for sharing. You’ve reminded me of my experience that I’d completely pushed to the back of my mind.

I almost died on the operating table during a routine procedure a few years ago. When I came out from under sedation the surgeon told me. I wasn’t freaked out at all.

I think what helped was my DM (who had been an ICU nurse and cared for a lot of patients who had been resuscitated) had a healthy approach to death. I’m trying to pass that on to my DC.

My DM lived with terminal cancer for a number of years and told me - “I don’t worry about my death. I won’t know. It will happen and I’ll be cared for before. I worry about the people I live behind.”

I’m so grateful to her for her honesty.

*leave behind

@KnightonShiningArmour

I wonder if you underwent hypnosis you might remember more. I guess that's something you'd rather not poke at though. I agree the mind is protecting you from the trauma by blanking it out. It's a fascinating area!

Thank you OP. It was incredibly peaceful and exactly as she wanted.

I don't have any questions but thanks for starting this thread. Fearing the experience of dying rather than death itself makes great sense and as you say, there was nothing traumatic for you in it. Just snapping painlessly out of consciousness.

However I think that is probably the experience of a "good" death, which they aren't always, and there's a lot of ways to die which make fearing the experience very legitimate. Luckily, most of us won't have that.

I think it's very situational. Lots and lots of ICU patients experience significant PTSD. The fact that days/weeks of their lives are 'missing' and that people around them experienced the stress of watching them when they were so ill is really hard to cope with. Many ICUs have started keeping patient diaries so that they can choose to read about their journey through ICU, if they want to. Most ICUs have a post-ICU service to allow them to process their illness.

I think you were lucky to be found and I'm glad you weren't badly affected. I am also glad that you have no memory. Sadly, many people do 'experience' death. Death is not instantaneous or peaceful for many, many people.

It’s AMA so…..
What’s “I got better” from?? It’s John Cleese, right? Monty Python? I can’t place it at all, just got his voice in my head…..

@AllotmentTime Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 'She turned me into a newt...but I got better'

Or the Monty Python Mary Queen of Scots sketch… ‘I think she’s dead’ ‘No I’m not!’

Ahhhhh yep the witch!! Thanks @iloveeverykindofcat

@Spudlet

Or the Monty Python Mary Queen of Scots sketch… ‘I think she’s dead’ ‘No I’m not!’

Also v funny

I wonder if you underwent hypnosis you might remember more

There's no evidence that hypnosis helps in event recall. The brain often just makes stuff up, in fact.

How did you land OP? Wow this is scary glad you are here to tell the tale!

I see the thread is revived! Well, it's a bit hard to explain but imagine this - there's a really narrow stairwell. It was in one of those incredibly narrow terraced houses that were built for miners or something and the living room was at the front so it took up most of the space. At the bottom of the stairwell is a set of drawers (not really drawers but the best I can describe it) which cannot be moved. They are affixed to a wall. between the stairs and the drawers are a small gap you can get wedged in if you fall the wrong way. I think. I mean I don't remember it but that's the conclusion. Dr. described this kind of asphyxia after an accident as 'unusual, but certainly not unheard of'.