I’m an introvert who “became” an extrovert

[BooFuckingHoo2]

I was very shy and introverted until I “trained” myself out of it.

This is not a thread saying extroverts are “better” but just sharing my experience.

AMA

Thanks OP. Yes im probably more shy and socially awkward but like introverts I also like time on my own. Great that you faked it. It must have been hard at times. Do you think people treat you better as an "extrovert/big personality "?

I’ve taken Myers Briggs several times and it flits between INTJ and ENTJ depending on my mood.

I would 100% say that people treat me better as an extrovert, and I’m not entirely sure I’m comfortable with that. However I will say the world, righty or wrongly seems much more extrovert friendly.

@VirginiaWolverine

Are you actually an introvert who became an extravert, or are you somebody who was shy and awkward who trained yourself to become more sociable? Because I'm not sure that you can train yourself to go from getting energy from spending time alone to finding it draining, or why you would particularly want to do that?

This

An introvert doesn't even want to be 'extrovert'

If you want to be an extravert then you really are one. You may be shy. You may find socialising hard. BUT you are an extravert - and (maybe) you have learned how to express yourself.

Good for you.

Introverts are brilliant. We don't need you to validate us and we don't want to be you.

How about a thread

I was a shy person, this is how I learned how to express myself as the extravert I am.

Bookmarking to read tomorrow. I really hope I can follow in your footsteps. I’m at a very low point right now and feel I need to get more outgoing and comfortable with being around people.

This is the third time I’ve been (incorrectly) pulled up on my spelling/grammar on mumsnet so just to clarify, a quick google will tell you that extrovert and extravert are both correct in this context .

Introverts are brilliant, as I’ve said multiple times I don’t think extroverts are “better” in any way. I’ve just been speaking about MY experience and actually I do feel that I have “trained” myself to feed of the energy of social situations to an extent instead of recharging alone.

@BooFuckingHoo2 I also want to become an extrovert. I feel drained in social situations and feel unable to relax around people. I’m okay with family but not with people who are not family. I’m really feeling quite depressed as due to my introversion I have no real friends as when people get “clingy” and demand too much of my time I back off. I feel only able to relax around family members. Please help me with some tips

When I started my “journey” I found social events physically exhausting. I still do to an extent, I still need a lot of downtime to recharge, however I can now also enjoy and “recharge” from social interactions.

@Henn42 I still get the “clingy” feeling now when people demand too much of my attention. What I would say is now I have such a “big personality” I can just brush it off as “sorry been so busy” or “still recovering from the party this weekend” which can make life a lot easier!

I developed a persona as the loud, quirky one, because then people were laughing “with” me rather than at me, which I found massively helpful. It is incredibly difficult at first and I’m sure I looked like an idiot to start with, however it gets massively easier until it almost becomes second nature.
A good tip is most people love to talk about themselves (even if they are shy), so for instance with a shyer person in the group I’d say oh I did “XYZ” at the weekend, have you ever tried it? It tends to open up the conversation.

Put your tongue slightly between your teeth when you smile (it opens up your face a lot) and makes you seem a lot warmer IME.

Also I’ve massively found that taking the mick out of myself helps. Even simple things like getting a bin bag out at a bbq and saying “oh here I am playing mum again” with a laugh tends to warm other people up.

I still hate confrontation though and would probably apologise profusely if someone tried to start an argument!

Either way, have you taken the Myers Briggs personality test? This would help give you insight into your self. I found it fascinating and scarily accurate!

But your MB personality also changes as you become more extraverted. We do these tests at work every few years and 10 years ago I was decidedly an INTJ, while now I am always an ENTJ so... it is not stationary, perhaps more reflective of the roles you play.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert, shyness is not necessarily an introvert’s trait, there are outgoing introverts and also very quiet extroverts.

Can I ask what specific behaviours make you loud and quirky?

I love being an introvert, it is different from being shy. I'm confident in myself and do enjoy some interactions with people but not large groups and I need a lot of downtime. Trying to be more extroverted when I was younger made me miserable.

Good for you OP.
I was thinking the other day that while I consider myself an introvert, I do get energy from some groups. This tends to be after a glass of wine when I’m a little bit more confident and forceful in conversation.
Maybe when you’re really ‘part’ of the group you get more energy because people respond more positively towards you and you can open up and talk about yourself more. When you sit back in a group or feel like you’re constantly trying to ingratiate yourself in the chat, that is more energy draining.
So maybe extrovert is just ‘good at socialising’ and therefore doesn’t take as much mental energy and it goes ‘better’ so you can relax and let off some steam yourself.
I know there’s been research into this so I’m sure this is absolutely wrong, but it’s just a theory.

You sound like me 20 years ago when I was desperately masking due to my autism tbh. I don't want to bring you down but what you say is basically you are autistic and masking to be 'extrovert' rather than being happy as who you truly are.

I really don't understand why you would want to train yourself to be an extravert. I'm introverted, and I don't think I'm lacking in social skills - I'm a good public speaker, I have a big group of friends and a smaller group of very close friends, I throw great parties, I enjoy talking to strangers as part of my job. But for me, all that social stuff is like cake or sweets or wine - it's lovely in small quantities, but too much makes me feel bad and I need to take a break for a while, whereas (as lockdown made very clear) going without or with very little is less exciting, but makes me happier. I wouldn't want to train myself to change my introversion any mote than I'd want to train myself to become a night-owl; it seems like an unhealthy way to try to fit in with other people's expectations rather than finding a healthy balance between solitude and community.

@VirginiaWolverine that’s brilliant you feel this way but for a lot of introverts like myself I don’t feel at ease in social situations and struggle to make small talk. Any tips for those like me pls?

Masking and acting are classic female autism traits, especially at the higher end of the spectrum. The Asper Girl websites goes into this in great detail. I think this is what’s happening here.